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Hmm.... take this for what it is lol. If I were in your position, knowing that I was going to be living out of my car, and that there was very little hope of friends or family being able or willing to help improve my position. I would accept it. It is what it is.
Now, You happen to live in America, so:
We have food stamps - get them.
We have welfare - Use it.
There are food banks - find them.
There are campgrounds, parks, or other locations that you can cook food at. Some supermarkets have microwaves available.
There are inexpensive cooler/refrigerator units that are built for cars.
Get a Gym membership for like $20-$30 a month, possibly less, and use their showers.
Wal-Marts generally allow overnight parking. Its well lit, patrolled and videotaped.
Go where you want. Work odd jobs, move on. See the country.
Or go somewhere you want to be, sign up for all the benefits you can, food stamps to buy food, welfare to pay bills, buy gas and clothes. Sign up for Section 8 housing. The line is long, but it doesn't hurt to get in it. If you don't end up needing it, all the better. Apply for jobs, sign up at temp agencies. If you need an address, get one at a mailbox store. Some give physical addresses.
Move to where you can breath. Start fresh. Start working, keep your head up, and change your world! But never stop looking forward! The past is dead, the present is dying, the future is alive.
Shrug. Its going to be different. Its going to be difficult. Its probably going to be scary at times. But I think you will be just fine.
Sounds like you are really struggling right now. I have not been following this, or even known about your situation before now. However, I would suggest that you take a moment and just stop, take a deep breath and just let it out. Sit down in a quite place and try to think about who you are, distance yourself from the hurt and confusion. Just quietly, in a detached, non judgmental way, think about yourself and what you want. What are you after, whats your goal? If it helps you can write your thoughts down. DO NOT belittle yourself, its fine to note areas where you can improve, but its not ok to use them as weapons against yourself. This is not the time to reflect on the past, or relive old hurts. What you are doing is taking stock of who you are NOW, and what you want to be in the FUTURE. Once you know who you are now, and what you want to become, you just need to find out how to connect the dots to get there.
Trying to commit suicide twice this last week is not a good use of your time lol . But seriously, this is about what makes you happy and what makes you... you. If what you want is to be a woman, then go be a woman. Hold your head up and smile, you can change your weight, you can change your gender, you can be the person you see yourself as. It will be a long, hard, painful journey, but at the end of the road you will be the person you feel you are meant to be. Conversely, if you decide that being a man isn't so bad, there is absolutely no shame in changing your mind. Who you are is not determined by your gender, or sexual preference.
I'm starting back up I think. Tried it out again last night, picked some pockets, one npc got tinkled and threw a couple of punches, so I cut him in half. Got an achievement for murdering someone lol. Then I ran into a guard who was not so pleased with me achieving that, demanded I pay a fee, I refused, and then he cut me in half. Was interesting lol.
Heh, I always get a kick out of that phrase, "Respect is earned, not given". Its adorable. Its also wrong, and will continue to get you into trouble if you insist on holding on to that idea.
Its really easy. Drop the bravado, stop trying to be right. You have no leverage. You will not win, no matter how right you think you are. Just say, "I'm sorry, I did not mean to rush, I thought I was helping the team. In the future I will be more careful." It does not matter if you feel you have been wronged, or even what the truth is. The phrase, "Life isn't fair" is actually true, and the sooner you realize that the sooner you can just relax and have fun playing this terrible game again lol.
That is a rather humurous little clip. Thank you so very much for bringing it to the attention of the community SJ. You have done us a great service by providing a funny, and enjoyable video to view. Again, we appreaciate the time and effort you put into finding and posting this. I can't tell you how much this means to me, and to all of us here in your community, your digital family.