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Peckles

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Status Updates posted by Peckles

  1. Peckles

    My wife asked what I would do without her, and I said I'd get to park in the garage

    1. turnbullTeRRoR

      turnbullTeRRoR

      how about you re-parktake in rust?

    2. PeanutButterNJelly

      PeanutButterNJelly

      I recently was debating if it was worth staying married. Once I realized I would have to do my own laundry, I decided it was worth the hassle.

    3. JackieChan

      JackieChan

      Yeah, laundry sucks.

  2. Peckles

    Hello.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      SHHH!! Don't feed the Pickles.

    3. Peckles

      Peckles

      You're a beautiful man. Don't ever change.

    4. Fairweather

      Fairweather

      Pickles you salty old cucumber dog you

  3. Peckles

    If you haven't heard of double entendres, I'd be happy to fill you in

    1. tainted92

      tainted92

      A woman walked into a library and asked the receptionist if he could find the book on innuendos. After searching for it on his computer, he took her in the back and let her have it.

  4. Peckles

    I think I just need to start drinking on all my days off so that when there's an issue at work I legally can't go fix it

    1. crasx

      crasx

      i see nothing wrong with that

  5. Peckles

    Not all food makes me fart, just the ones I eat

    1. scubiedoobie

      scubiedoobie

      in other news: humans breathe oxygen

    2. Jerkoff

      Jerkoff

      Is been also noted that 100% of humans who drank water will died eventually.

    3. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      I have a fear that one day, all the uneaten food will coalesce into a giant food monster and wipe out the human race. I am just doing my part to stop it. And maybe your part as well....

  6. Peckles

    Few things can make you feel as insignificant as a urinal whose sensor triggers the flush while you're still peeing

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. JackieChan

      JackieChan

      Next we'll have urinals that make comments about you while you're still taking a tinkle.

      "You need to drink more water."

      "What are you doing, emptying a bucket or something?"

      "Poop belongs in the toilets, not here."

    3. DiXie

      DiXie

      XD

    4. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      I'm going to say that his comment has nothing to do with the stream. Its more to do with the nozzle.

  7. Peckles

    Whenever I wear pants my legs run out of breath

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      But never your butt!

    2. walkingCat

      walkingCat

      lol

  8. Peckles

    My stomach is having a party and I don't think I want to stick around til the end

  9. Peckles

    I am too pooped to even poop

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. chick82

      chick82

      Dude i wanted to say eww, but I seriously soooo relate to this LOL>

    3. walkingCat

      walkingCat

      I'm so tinkled, that I tinkled... oh well.

    4. Madvillain

      Madvillain

      I feel like NOFX may have said this a few times during his trek.

  10. Peckles

    I tried using a changing table once, but the baby was still a baby in the end

    1. turnbullTeRRoR

      turnbullTeRRoR

      dang yours was broke as well?

  11. Peckles

    Mother-in-law won't go home. So hungry. Don't want to go downstairs. Please send cookies.

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. onyxdragoon

      onyxdragoon

      When did you even get married?

    3. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      Hes married to his left bedroom slipper. The 'mother-in-law' is the right bedroom slipper. Pickles has issues, its best just to whistle and look the other way.

    4. Peckles

      Peckles

      Whistle, do whatever you want, just send the cookies already

  12. Peckles

    It's pretty depressing to realize that your job is basically to enable jerks to instruct other jerks how to more efficiently be jerks

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Peckles

      Peckles

      I'm an audio tech, so I give people peddling self-important crap the ability to say it louder with a wider area of effect

    3. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      Have you made any new music lately?

    4. Peckles

      Peckles

      Not for awhile...What would you like a song to be about, shaft?

  13. Peckles

    After lengthy lobbying, the origami association finally welcomed me to the fold

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      Glad to hear that their membership has in creased!

  14. Peckles

    "Will you be having kids at the wedding?" "No, I think we'll wait until after..."

    1. Fairweather

      Fairweather

      "yes, they've been slow roasting all day"

       

    2. Lookback

      Lookback

      I knew this was the thin end of the wedge back to Dixie's puppies...

  15. Peckles

    I can't wait to have kids because goats are awesome

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      Careful, or this will go the way of Dixie's puppies!

    2. Johnny

      Johnny

      We gonna eat his kids too?

  16. Peckles

    If you're looking for the quickest way to achieve a thigh gap, it's no more complicated than chopping off one of your legs

    1. Jerkoff

      Jerkoff

      Man, those one-legged people must have it good then!

    2. Fairweather

      Fairweather

      do pickles have legs?

       

  17. Peckles

    On marking territory: Guys give girls a ring to wear. Girls leave bobby pins EVERYWHERE.

  18. Peckles

    Would it be weird to bring deviled eggs to a church function?

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      Depends. Now if you brought deviled balut, that would be awesome.

    3. onyxdragoon

      onyxdragoon

      Shaft likes balut? Who woulda known...

    4. Pumpernickel

      Pumpernickel

      Ugh.

  19. Peckles

    In Canada, it's 'Hodour'.

    1. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      .......

    2. Lookback

      Lookback

      Does not look like Canada

       

  20. Peckles

    -37 is my favourite 37...

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      Now I know why you live in Edmonton...

    2. Architect

      Architect

      yuck. unless it is positive 37 c, then even that is freeking too hot.

  21. Peckles

    She was shaped like an hourglass, growing heavier on the bottom over time.

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      These are the days of our lives...

    2. walkingCat

      walkingCat

      nice one, can i borrow this line?

  22. Peckles

    They say you're only as old as you feel. And I feel old.

    1. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      You'll always feel as smooth and fresh as a baby to me.

    2. Peckles

      Peckles

      Oh stop it, you

  23. Peckles

    Just found a note in my phone, and all it says is 'strangling a goose in the night' and I have no idea what it means or why it's there

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. crasx

      crasx

      pixie dust. bring me pixie dust

    3. Lookback

      Lookback

      He does live it Edmonton, could mean a lot of things - especially this time of year!

    4. Girlzilla

      Girlzilla

      I think it means we're going to have an easy winter. That's what the woolly bear said too.

  24. Peckles

    I shook my cat and it turned in to an oscillot

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      Must've been just purring when that happened...

  25. Peckles

    Happiness is going to the fridge for your last beer only to discover you have two last beers

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