Peckles

430AM sucks no matter what time of day it is.

This Ikea product assembly manual told me to tighten the nuts and now I can't breathe.

Out of town for a week. Don't rent my room out.

You look scared. Is it because I'm nude?

I just soiled myself. Soon I will be a beautiful garden.

Mammograms are apparently not similar to candygrams.

Cedars smell nice, but they give up too easily.

My notes on taxonomy were all out of order, so I decided to phylum.

I tried to buy an ion, but the cashier said for me, no charge.

If I remote desktop into a computer, then remote desktop back into the first computer, will the universe explode?

At what point is it appropriate to tell someone their hair is losing its colour? Seems like a bit of a grey area...

If you don't behave, I'm giving your ice cream to the dog. The ice cream is recoverable, but you'd have to eat the dog too, and you're not getting a new dog.

I just drank a lot of water. Now I'm waiting to pee before I go to bed.

Horse-drawn buggies are way better than the ones I draw.

Maybe I'll sit outside all day today. Like a dog. Or a mailbox.

Tonight I found out to my cost that it is apparently not very romantic to compare one's partner's nose to the husk of a long-dead Goomba.

GF: So it looks like I'm not going away with my parents this week. Me: But...You promised...

I was fixing a speaker in one of the barns at work, and the horse next to me pooped, licked its leavings, licked my ladder, then stared at me. Horses are jerks.

Racehorses are a lot bigger up close...

I'm hitting myself with a hammer because it feels so good when I stop.

Today I have become a cube.