Blaster
"I actually saw a Blaster speak the other day in a game. He said, "That was cool".
We were all like wth?? Did Blaster actually say something?? He said, "So...I'm quiet."
It was incredible, Blaster spoke to us. This could give us a new window into their
culture, we could learn their secrets and understand their ways. If only we can get
them to talk to us!
I'm not kidding, I think Blaster holds the secrets of the universe. Sometimes Blaster
will use a radio command, for what seems like no reason. He'll say "Get Outta There,
it's Gonna Blow!!!". What does he mean? What's gonna blow? Could he be telling us that our
civilization is doomed? If we can only understand his ways. Why does he shoot at the floor?
Why is his flashlight always on? Why does he shoot the bomb and then run away instead of trying
to disarm it? Is there some religious significance that we don't understand? Perhaps he's trying to
tell us something? Have you ever noticed the way Blaster stares at you sometimes? If you aren't moving,
like you stop to eat your sandwich or something and he walks right up in your face. He just stares at you, with
that piercing Blaster look. Then, POP, his glock. He shoots at you, he's testing you, trying to see what you'll do.
Then, he runs away madly under the bridge on dust, only to be killed by an AWP. He blessed you, and sacrificed his life for yours.
Blaster could be the messiah.
I don't think it's that Blaster doesn't understand what's going on in the game, I think
it's that we don't understand what's going on inside Blaster. It's not that he CAN'T diffuse
the bomb, it's that he chooses not to. I am becoming convinced that the bomb has a religious
significance for Blaster. Blaster usually shoots at the bomb and runs away, but once I witnessed
a more complex ritual. Blaster approached the bomb, but instead of stopping, he went right by it.
Then, he turned around and came back. He stared at it. With that inquisitive Blaster stare. Then he
knelt before the bomb, and, withdrawing his combat knife, he began to strike it. What could this mean?
Is he trying to interact with the bomb in the same way he tries to interact with us? Could it be
that we, like C4, are unable to understand the meaning of Blaster's message, and that we too are
destined to explode? Heed Blaster, he is the messiah. The glock is the key to all that is good,
the end is nigh. I believe that Blaster is not bound by the natural laws of our universe.
I once witnessed Blaster moving around in an impossible fashion. He would walk and then abruptly
he would freeze in place, his body would flicker for a moment, and then he would materialize a few
feet away. He continued to teleport around like this until he did something I will never forget.
Blaster stepped out over a ledge, but he did not fall. He remained there, in the air, flickering.
Some force was protecting him from our bullets and we were unable to harm him. Then, Blaster was gone.
The game said that he had "Overflowed". Could it be that Blaster's powers were too much for the internet
to handle? Or is this the way Blaster's travel? The only rational explanation is that Blaster is the messiah.
I have seen Blaster use his powers to their fullest only once. I was completely awestruck to see the full
magnitude of his greatness. The entire Terrorist team was dead, myself included and Blaster was all who remained.
Blaster was able to survive most of the combat thus far because he had been trying to interact with a spray paint
logo labeled "Hostage Rescue Point". Soon however the logo faded and Blaster left. The bomb had been planted near some
crates on de_dust and two CT's were in the area with it. We watched helplessly as CT #1 began the diffusing process,
while CT #2 guarded the area with his carbine. Blaster came running towards the beeping of the bomb and CT #2 saw him
and opened fire. The bullets were ineffective and Blaster kept running, in that halting and jerking motion that Blaster
uses to move. So it was that I bore witness as Blaster, son of Beefhole, of the line of Llama, advanced on the CT's. He
glowed from within with a sort of inner radiance, from his flashlight (which had been on for 3 rounds). The second CT,
having now emptied his clip, could only watch in awe as Blaster advanced, his glock held aloft. He fired at the first CT,
killing him. Blaster was then sacrificed on the knife of the second CT, but he did not die in vain. The bomb went off and
the Terrorists won.
Behold Blaster, he is the one. The glock is the key to all that is good."
