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Poetry Input

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So I'm re-working my poetry book and I'd love some input.  


These two I just finished re-editing and would like to see what  you guys think, feel, if something seems odd, or needs to be changed.  I am open to your input.


As you lay before me still

I remember that day

The elegance all around

You and I becoming us

The world was flawless that day

The flowers highlighted by the sunlight & stained glass

I reminisce that day

Walking up the stairs soundlessly and gently

Indulging in all the aromas around me

The bold smell of mahogany stair cascading with roses

Reaching the final step

Looking at the door at the end of the hall

Hearing the bubbles of the champagne in the glass

Seeing the beautiful sunlight glancing through the crack in the door

As if aligning a path to you

Reaching the robust oak door

The soft winds helping me push the door softly open as to not foil the surprise

The sunlight striking my face as I open the door

Leaving a sparkle in my eyes for a brief moment

And slowly fading away as if bursting to see you

The sound of the glass shattering on the floor

The bursting sparkly leaving me breathless to the sight

Naked in another's arms

Smelling the ivory roses from the bed

Engulfed in the scent of you and her

The hard floor catching me softly

The blood flowing around me

The smell of infidelity escaping both your bodies

The tears slowly falling to the ground

Making a faint splash in the blood

As if trying not to disturb the flow

The naked salty tears on your body

Trying to grasp onto me

Your words cutting me as deep as the sharp glass I had fallen upon

Your touch just as harsh as the hard floor

And at a small moment in time

Everything stopped

The beautiful sunlight hitting that one piece of broken glass

Still holding a small bit of champagne bubbles as if wanting to bear witness the moment

All was quiet and the sparkle showed one last time

With a piece of glass insight

Reminding me of the scarred heart you just gave me

Reaching for it

And watching you collapse to the floor

Reliving my pain

Watching you become breathless

Slowly placing my lips to yours

To get back the breath you took from me

As you lay before me still



and this is the other one is less of a Poem and more of a Letter for forgiveness.


Unforgettable Regret


It’s a moment that I will never forget

A look in my eyes I can never take back

I piece of time that can never be given back

We danced that night

Jeremy didn’t spin

We enjoyed time in your apartment

Then he left

And it was just you and I

Or so we thought

My heart sank in a way I will never forget

A pain I have never felt again

The clock ticked slowly

Playing that song over and over again

My favorite before this night

Years would pass before I could listen to it again

He loaded and unloaded the gun

Over and over and over again

Playing that song again and again

And then he left the room to answer the door

In that moment you looked in my eyes

The deepest sadness, I have ever seen in my life

Begging me to run away

I was so scared that night

In that moment I was afraid

The sadness in your eyes when I shook my head no

The devastation in your face

A moment that would hunt me forever

I swear to God had I know you would die that night

I would have run

I would have ran faster than I ever had in my life

I’m so sorry for letting you down

I let you walk out that door with him

And into a grave


Forgiveness I can feel

Regret I cannot change



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