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hormones update: 21 months !


Sky

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So, I posted some photos back when I first started transition, but I wanted to post some more so people can see what I look like around the 21 month marker!
I think that I'm doing A LOT better, now, but I've been gone from PC gaming for a while.

 

Let me know what you think, and which color hair you like the most!
Much love cuties,

 

Skye

 

 

 

 

 

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11659399_1456252454693325_5879281809875911700807_1453911221594115_38227151729951

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Actually a small update for me... I'm considering detransition. I think it might be easier to pretend to be how I was born than to live like this. I get called Tranny and Shemale on a regular basis... I had a black guy contact me and ask me if I was a tranny, so I asked him "Are you a (I should be banned)?" And he blew up on me, and I responded "Because that's just as derogatory as tranny," but he responded "But you are a tranny."

There's no escaping it. No one wants to learn the correct terminology, no one sees us as anything other than a piece of meat... I had one girlfriend during transition and she used those 4 months as an experimentation. It's doubly hard when you can't find love or acceptance from anyone.

 

 

I was in the London Pride Parade Sunday. On the back of the truck where the world could see, and, the whole time, people were saying "You look like a girl" or "I would never have guessed" but when I saw a photos, it was a fat guy with boobs in a dress, and man, for anyone who knows what dysphoria is, it crushed me. I haven't taken the estrogen or progesterone in several days, but I still take the hormone blocker, because right now, I'm not sure what to do.

 

 

I'm thankful to have players in the community like Master Talpa who have been there since I started transition, who has been EXTREMELY supportive the entire time, and I'm sorry I lost touch with you.

Personally, this latest week has been horrible. I've attempted suicide twice, and instead of friends being concerned, it's instead my mother, who has been so transphobic the entire transition, but now after seeing the results, she's terrified.

 

 

Truthfully, it's difficult to live in a world where I look like a boy with shoulder-length hair, and even when I wear makeup, it doesn't really help much at all...

My mom being terrified has offered to now pay for FFS, which is facial feminization surgery; they do their best to restructure the facial bones to be more female. However, I need weight reduction surgery, and gender reassignment surgery. I wasn't so focused on the latter until every dating site or guy interested would ask "Are you a tranny," or "Shemale?" or "If you have lady parts we can truck" because being Pre-op means no one wants you, because who you are doesn't matter to anyone.

I figured I could vent here because very few people view this thread, so it shouldn't raise any alarming reactions.

 

I wish there were more awareness, honestly...

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Sounds like you are really struggling right now. I have not been following this, or even known about your situation before now. However, I would suggest that you take a moment and just stop, take a deep breath and just let it out. Sit down in a quite place and try to think about who you are, distance yourself from the hurt and confusion. Just quietly, in a detached, non judgmental way, think about yourself and what you want. What are you after, whats your goal?  If it helps you can write your thoughts down. DO NOT belittle yourself, its fine to note areas where you can improve, but its not ok to use them as weapons against yourself. This is not the time to reflect on the past, or relive old hurts. What you are doing is taking stock of who you are NOW, and what you want to be in the FUTURE. Once you know who you are now, and what you want to become, you just need to find out how to connect the dots to get there.

 

Trying to commit suicide twice this last week is not a good use of your time lol :). But seriously, this is about what makes you happy and what makes you... you. If what you want is to be a woman, then go be a woman. Hold your head up and smile, you can change your weight, you can change your gender, you can be the person you see yourself as. It will be a long, hard, painful journey, but at the end of the road you will be the person you feel you are meant to be. Conversely, if you decide that being a man isn't so bad, there is absolutely no shame in changing your mind. Who you are is not determined by your gender, or sexual preference.

 

 

 

 

 

Shaftiel

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Shaft said it all perfectly.

 

Keep your head up Sky and do what is right for you. Anyone who is not willing to take you for who and how you are doesn't deserve your time or energy. The journey will be rough but if the end results make you the happiest you can be, then its worth it. Times might appear to be dark but suicide is not the answer, keep on your grind to happiness, everything will be good in the end.

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My heart goes out to you for all you're going through, but I think it's pretty rad that you and your mom have become closer through this process. Don't overlook that. That's really rad!

 

I'm also sorry that this so hard. People like you do help bring more awareness to LGBQT, though. What you're going through will make it easier for generations following you.

 

What you're experiencing can't be easy. If there's help through local LGBQT support groups, go. If not, see if you can find a good talk therapist. Not everyone buys into it, but it's helped me sort through a lot of tough problems.

 

No matter what, do what's right for you (like this person).

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Oh, Talpa, Hey, how have you been? I just started using steam again, and am trying to get back into gaming.

 

Instead of posting transition photos all over the place, I just decided to post one single, delicious timeline on my facebook page. Yeah, you have to be signed into facebook, but otherwise the album is public. You can check it out, here: https://www.facebook.com/dawnofflowers/media_set?set=a.170093683326845.1073741831.100009786437645&type=3

It is now 24 months, since I'm just over a week away from my two year mark. Yay. And, this album gets continually updated. I figure, this way, people get a slight inkling of what I've gone through these last two years.

 

Love y'all

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Thanks for checking back in Skye. I'e been thinking about you and hoping things were going well for you. I know it can be difficult, but try to stay positive. Don't let strangers tear you down, or try to define who you are. You know who you are in your heart. I sent you a pm on facepalm, so if you didn;t see it, check your other folder.

 

Stay strong sister, and focus on being *you*. Ignorant people are everywhere, but that doesn't mean you have to give them the time of day. :)

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