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DragonFire

This is hard for me

17 posts / 1115 viewsLast Reply

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Some of you know me and a lot of you don't but I've been around for quite awhile. Recently I've been going through some emotional stuff and this is really embarrassing for me to put out there. I shut myself out of the world for a little while and went to a very sad place.

 

Any help I can receive would be so much appreciated. I have a little over 3 more weeks left where I'm staying and it took a few days for me to even build up the courage to post this on here. Most of you know me as a happy person and it's hard for me to be known as anything else to the wonderful group of people that you are.

 

You are really the only friends I have and I have nowhere else to turn. I believe this could change my life if I can get enough raised. There are so many others out there with so much worse going on so don't make this your first choice.

 

This is hard for me because I've never really asked for money and if I ever did I always paid it back. Plus the depressed side of me tells me I don't deserve this but I want to get better.

 

If I'm able to raise enough to get out that way I will definitely keep you updated. The mountains have called to me for a very long time and my mind and body need this more than anything right now. Thank you for taking the time to even read this and here's the link if you want to know more:

 

http://www.gofundme.com/please-help-me-make-a-better-life?pc=expt_em_co_shareflow_m_89_2&rcid=d5cbfd1c008342dc8223ff9cdaf425e3

 

Thanks again!

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I'm a bit tight this month, but I'll see what I can do in April. 

 

 

 

Stay strong, depression is tough.  Get enough money for a bus ticket, pack a single bag with 2 sets of interview clothes, 4 sets of climate appropriate casual clothes. In the 3 weeks you have left, decide where you are going. Colorado has mountains, California has mountains, most states have mountains lol :). Just make that decision, it might be hard, but you need to do it so you can actually move forward with a new life. Then once you do that, you can explore destinations within that state/location, and find a cheap place to stay, maybe a hostel. Check out local job boards and such.  But you need to figure out where you are going first!  DO IT! :)

 

 

 

<3

 

 

Shaftiel

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Thank you for the awesome advice. I have been looking into it a little more and I think I'm heading somewhere in Colorado. It's the only place that really has the cheapest places to stay on airbnb which are actually cheaper than any of the hostels I looked into for at least a month. I'm thinking Loveland or around that area, seems to be about the best places for jobs. California would be expensive haha but would love to travel there someday in the far future. I've never been that far West. Everyone has been super generous so far and I appreciate all the support. Just a bit more and I can actually book one of these places. As long as they are still available. Thanks again everyone for everything. I'll definitely be paying it forward once I'm happy, healthy and in a better financial situation.

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Had 4 weeks from the 12th of March but now I only have one more week. Feeling pretty down. Don't have anywhere to go and the money I have gotten isn't enough for a month rental. I even sold and put up for sale all of my things. But I am so thankful for everything so far. Don't think there's enough time to rent anything even if I was able to get the money. I may be living out of my car or in a homeless shelter for a little while. Which is crazy to me because I had done so well for myself before all this. What I have received will go towards my car and insurance this coming month so I appreciate that so much. All the support has made me feel less alone even though my real life feels extremely alone right now. Thank you everyone. I'm just debating whether or not to go at least drive to mountains and live out of my car there or stay here where there's so much baggage and heartbreak. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

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Hmm.... take this for what it is lol.  If I were in your position, knowing that I was going to be living out of my car, and that there was very little hope of friends or family being able or willing to help improve my position. I would accept it. It is what it is.

 

Now, You happen to live in America, so:

 

We have food stamps - get them.

We have welfare - Use it.

There are food banks - find them.

There are campgrounds, parks, or other locations that you can cook food at. Some supermarkets have microwaves available. 

There are inexpensive cooler/refrigerator units that are built for cars.

Get a Gym membership for like $20-$30 a month, possibly less, and use their showers.

Wal-Marts generally allow overnight parking.  Its well lit, patrolled and videotaped.

 

Go where you want.  Work odd jobs, move on. See the country.

 

Or go somewhere you want to be, sign up for all the benefits you can, food stamps to buy food, welfare to pay bills, buy gas and clothes.  Sign up for Section 8 housing.  The line is long, but it doesn't hurt to get in it.  If you don't end up needing it, all the better. Apply for jobs, sign up at temp agencies.  If you need an address, get one at a mailbox store.  Some give physical addresses.

 

Move to where you can breath. Start fresh.  Start working, keep your head up, and change your world! But never stop looking forward! The past is dead, the present is dying, the future is alive.

 

 

Shrug.  Its going to be different.  Its going to be difficult. Its probably going to be scary at times.  But I think you will be just fine.

 

 

 

<3

 

Shaftiel

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit: Found this http://carliving.info/101.htm

 

Its a good read I think. He doesn't like the idea of Gym membership, but hes talking about it costing $55 a week.  That's insane lol. Mine is $29.99 a month. shrug, take it for what its worth :)

Edited by shaftiel
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Dragon,

 

You are never alone!  I had my own bouts with depression when i was 19 - 20 and i understand the difficulty of the people around you not being able to get what it is you are going through. 

 

The fact you have chosen to get help is huge, that already tells me that you know there is an issue and what is more that you would like to fix it.  

 

Sorry i don't check the forums enough or have the time to write more right now (at work) but you need to know that you do have people that care.

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I've decided to leave. Definitely taking a lot of your advice Shaft so I appreciate everything. I've also signed up on couchsurfing even though most share a couch for travelers I'm hoping I can convince some to let me stay for a week and maybe move onto another. I definitely don't want to lie to them and want them to know I'm searching for a better life with the mountains. Going to get set up with a PO box right away and then sign up at temp agencies. Maybe sign up at a gym if I can't get a couch at times. Check out what you said about food stamps and welfare.

 

The only thing that scares me is my car breaking down during the 14 hour trip, definitely need an oil change before but my car has been wonderful so far during past road trips. Any money I receive now will help immensely, the people who have donated so far they were huge amounts but it doesn't need to be. $5 will help put gas in my car or food in my tummy. Any little bit will help. And any little bit will be so much appreciated.

 

It's definitely great knowing I'm part of a wonderful community who have come together as a family who care. Someday I'll be back to play games with you guys when I'm back to living a better life but I'll definitely be spending more time hiking the mountains once I've set myself up better.

 

I'll probably be leaving next week Tuesday. Thank you all for everything and please take care because your life matters.

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Oh Dragon, my heart goes with you. I know depression well. He's been a constant, if unwelcome companion for the last 4 decades of my life. i bookmarked your gofundme page, and will chip in what I can, when I can. I agree with Shaft, and think you're making the right decision in getting out of where you are now. A change of scenery might be exactly what you need, and the Rockies are truly stunning.

 

Safe travels my friend, and remember; depression is a liar. I constantly have to remind myself of that.

 

Wolfsblood.

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Thanks Wolfsblood. I've got my car packed and I'm headed out in the morning. Very nervous but also really excited. Thanks again to everyone who has pitched in so far, advice or money, either is really generous. All the kind words make me realize I'm not alone. I've put myself in a bubble for too long and I'm ready to break free. Thanks again and I'll keep you all updated on my travels.

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Been livin on the road since fragfest last year just ridin my motorcycle and tent campin. Cheaprvliving.com is a good place to get info and how to tips. Arizona is the place to go, so much blm land, national forest and just open desert to stay for free. Flagstaff in the summer parker, quartsite, yuma along with a visit to slab city(wide wonderful range of weird) in the winter. Good luck, safe travels.

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Speaking from first hand experience, you're a good person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I learned a lot from you, believe it or not. And I realized a lot of things afterwards that I wish knew sooner. But realizing those things, even later, has made me a better person for it. So, thank you.

 

Best of luck. I hope your journey takes you where you need to go to feel better about yourself and your life.

Edited by VooDooPC
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I heard from her on the 12th and she had made it to Colorado, is working, and has a place to live. I think she plans on updating everybody when she gets internet set up. 

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Geez... just saw this, hope Dragon is doing ok!  Guess that is what I get when I don't visit the forum but every six months or so.  

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