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What women want


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WHAT WOMEN WANT

 

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.

 

Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch--only she would know the answer.

 

The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price.

 

First: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises ... etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

 

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice spared to Arthur's life and preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total freedom.

 

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable.

 

The hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! The astounded Gawain asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

 

She asked, Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during the night?

 

What a cruel question! Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below.

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But don't read on until you've made your own choice.

 

 

 

 

 

ANSWER: Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

 

What is the moral of this story? The moral is: If a woman doesn't get her own way, Things are going to get really ugly.

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The Husband Store

A Husband Shopping Center has opened where a woman can go to choose a husband from among many men. It is laid out in five floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

 

There is, however, a catch. As you arrive on any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down, except to exit the building.

 

So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign says: Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids. The woman reads the sign. "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

 

So up she goes. The second floor sign says: Floor 2: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better." says the woman. "But, I wonder what's further up?"

 

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework. "Wow," says the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be better further up!"

 

And, again, she goes up. On the fourth floor the sign reads: Floor 4: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

 

"Oh, mercy me! But just think...what must be awaiting me further on? So up to the fifth floor she goes.

 

The sign on that door says: Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day

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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the

sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said,

"Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you

one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over

anytime I want."

 

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the

enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to

reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It

will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is

hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more

time

and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

 

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord,

I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside,

what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she

cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong', and how I can make a

woman truly happy."

 

The Lord replied, "Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

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