military comedy

[Dennis]

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

 

You don't win a war by dying for your country. You win a war by making the other son-of-a-witch die for his. - General Patton

 

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

 

Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate -- the bombs always hit the ground.

 

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

 

The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little while longer. - U.S. Navy Seabees

 

It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

 

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!

 

When in doubt empty the magazine.

 

If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.

 

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

 

"You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

 

Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

 

Incoming fire has the right of way.

 

Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

 

Tracers work both ways.

 

Five second fuses only last three seconds.

 

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit. - the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

 

Who *cares* if a laser guided 500 lb bomb is accurate to within 9 feet?

 

The easy way is always mined.

 

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

 

Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

 

Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.

 

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

 

Never trust a private with a loaded weapon, or an officer with a map.

 

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

 

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

 

Push to test... Release to detonate.

 

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

 

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

 

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

 

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

 

Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.

 

Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

 

The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.

 

Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

 

The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: 1. When you're ready for them. 2. When you're not ready for them.

 

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

 

Friendly fire - isn't.

 

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. - Paul Rodriguez

 

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

 

When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat.

 

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

 

We are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction.

 

There are two kinds of ships, submarines and targets. - Royal Netherlands Submarine Service

 

If you find yourself in a fair fight you didn't plan your mission properly!

 

On US Rocket Launcher - Aim towards Enemy

[Dennis]

if you do read all of them you will find some that aply to CS and then they are really funny

[Qester]

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