Joke uhduh Day 10-4

[Fatty]

Looks like it's open season on doing the jokes!

 

A Catholic priest was about to leave his mission in the jungles where

he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing

he never taught them was how to speak English.  So he takes the chief

for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a

tree."

 

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

 

The priest was pleased with the response. They walk a little farther

and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

 

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

 

The priest really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a

rustling in the bushes.  As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of

natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The priest is really

flustered and quickly says, "Riding a bike."

 

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

 

The priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years

teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how

could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

 

The chief replied, "My bike."

[Cranky Bullfrog]

I've got one for you....

 

 

This young newly wed couple were enjoying their first day of married life together upon the morning of their honeymoon. The little bride had gotten up extra early to fix her new hubbie's favorite breaksfast foods. Upon the table she had placed a plate of eggs, several slices of bacon and a cup of coffee.

 

Her new husband came into the kitchen, kissed his lovely bride and sat down at the table with expectation. To his surprise, the eggs were crunchy; filled with many tiny bits of egg shell. No matter he thought, I'll just try the bacon. The bacon looked like a sacrificial offering because it was so blackened. He took one bite and almost lost the eggs he had managed to choke down. His little wife stared at him and beamed as he attempted to eat the breakfast she had so lovingly prepared. Finally he decided that maybe he could wash it down with some coffee so he took a big swig out of the cup. He nearly choked to death as an entire mouthful of grains entered his throat!

 

Exasperated, he could no longer control his temper and in a fit of rage, he looked up at his child bride and said "You know, I just don't understand how God could make you so beautiful and yet so stupid!"

 

The little bride just smiled back and replied "Well honey, God made me beautiful so you would love me....."

 

 

"and he made me stupid so I would love you....."

 

{keep smiling and tell this one to your wife/girlfriend - the ladies love this joke}

 

Cranky

[anonymo]

Time to get myself in trouble...

 

So a bus load of nuns in Brazil takes a mountain curve a little fast and shoots right off the side of the cliff, killing all on board. The nuns all come to on a cloud outside of the gates to heaven, where St. Peter is standing by a pool of water. As the nuns approach St. Peter he says,

"Beyond me is heaven, and the doors are open to you if you cleanse your sins in this pool of holy water."

So the first nun approaches St. Peter and says,

"I have committed no sins" and proceeds past the gates into heaven.

The second nun approaches St. Peter and says,

"I have committed sins with my hands only" and washes her hands in the holy water and proceeds through the gates into heaven.

As the third nun approaches St. Peter the fourth nun runs past and says

"There's no way I'm rinsing my mouth out with that water after she washes her behind in it!"

 

Thank you and good night!

[Saris]

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When in the woods he came upon a bear.

 

He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root.

 

At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear.

 

He dropped to his knees and said, "Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian."

 

And at that instant the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, "Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!"