Couple redneck jokes

[Chimmpp]

The National Trasport Safety Board

 

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.

 

This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occured, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, poop".

 

Only the state of Montana was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:

"Hold my beer and watch this!"

 

________________________________________________________________________________

How to tell if you are a secret redneck jedi

 

If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

 

If you ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

 

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

 

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

 

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

 

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

 

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

 

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

 

Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

 

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

 

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

 

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

 

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

 

You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

 

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

 

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

 

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

 

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

 

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

 

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

[Shazz]

[Dr.cLaShiZ]

The National Trasport Safety Board

 

How to tell if you are a secret redneck jedi

 

If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

 

 

 

Im offended by that statement as a star wars extremist...

 

The real words are

Luke: Thats not all Obi-Wan says, he says you killed him

Vader: NOOOOO, I am your father.

[Mossad]

i don't get it......

[ScubaDan]