Heartless

errrrrrr

you have quoted a couple of my favorite love songs of all times I've realized today that I have been loving him selfishly, I didn't want anyone else to experience the love and passionate kisses he used to give me, I didn’t want anyone else to see that wonderful look in his eyes but then I realized that no matter what happens, even if him and I aren’t together, no one will because his heart belongs to me, and mine to him. I used to want every moment with him, I wouldn’t share him, but now I know that that was wrong, the best thing I could have done was give him space and let him spend time with other people, that way he would see how much he has with me. Now I sit back and wait for him to see again what he fell in love with me for, and as I sit and wait he tries to get over me.. And for some reason he can’t. He goes out every weekend day and night trying to fill the space that I took up in his heart… but he comes home every one of those days and talks to me.. So it makes me believe that he can’t. I’m am such an unusual person and I know that if he ever thinks he loves someone again, he’ll realize that he doesn’t because no one will ever take up the space in his heart that I left. No one can ever take my place. One of my ex boyfriends (who shall remain nameless J) told me after 2 years of barely talking that he misses me, and he wishes there was a way for us to get back together. This was after 2 years of him going out with other people and liking other people, maybe he was just desperate for love again, or maybe he hasn’t found someone who is able to take my place. But I’m hoping that after this current ex, who I’m in love with, gives up searching for my replacement.. After he is done trying to fill his days with the happiness that I could give him just by seeing him for 30 seconds.. Maybe he’ll make the right choice and come back. Because after I took him for granted and never really appreciated what he was doing for me I know I will never make the same mistake again.. Even if I wanted to, my heart wouldn’t let me. If only he knew about all the times I cried myself to sleep because I just love him so much and I can’t express it to him at all, every time I tried I’d start to cry and I just couldn’t talk. And now that I really think I would be able too.. He doesn’t want to hear about it. Maybe its cause he doesn’t want to fall in love again.. Maybe he never fell out of love with me. I personally think that maybe I am a little obsessive right now and maybe I should just try to move on.. But I also think that he will come back.. All of my exs seem to.. Why would he be any different? Especially cause I had so much more with him than I have ever had with anyone. Maybe I’m wasting my time sitting back and waiting for him, but I have this strange feeling that I’m not at all wasting my time… that instead of he does come back he will be happy that I never really moved on . Maybe I just have my head up in the clouds.. But then again.. Maybe I don’t.

lesbians rule

eh no problem.. you don't even have to read my post... but it made me feel a lot better and made me think about a lot when i wrote that.. this place has kinda become like a journal.. its weird...

for those of you who say his stuff doesn't make sense, grow up, learn to love.. and ull learn to see that what tape says is the most wonderful thing that could ever be spoken, he has a way with words which no person with out a gift could begin to speak, he has feelings like me.. which i don't see very often in other people. He feels things deep inside his heart and not on the surface and though maybe tape isn't perfect but because he feels things so deeply and can speak them with such ease.. it makes him more perfect than any one of us. If only you were in love, u'd understand. The world today people say is based on lust, but if you really think about it, what’s lust with out love? Its nothing. What human beings lust for, is love. Young teenage girls loose their virginity and fall head over heals for these guys who were looking for nothing more than sex. But is the females instincts so wrong? Why do we do this? Women now are portraying men as pigs for having sex with people they don’t feel for, are women right? Should you only engage in the act of “love making� with those people you love? Or are men the right ones when they say love has nothing to do with it. Humans purpose of sex is to reproduce, so what does that have to do with love? What is love? Why is it so important? Why do women search for it and yearn for it, when men do everything possible to stay away from it. And why when men finally do fall in love, why do they show all these emotions and hidden feelings the no one would have known they had. My purpose is to make everyone take a huge step back and just look at the big picture and think. Today you turn on the radio and there is nothing but love songs and songs about sex. From Jessica Simpson saying “I think I’m in love with you� to Puddle of Mudd’s lead singer protesting about his ex love hating him and him being heart broken and then turning around and saying how happy he is that its over. Why does love do this to us? When we are little we are taught that you are only meant to be with one person, that you will spend the rest of your life with someone you love and someone who fate would choose for you. But is this even right? Love is the highest mountain, the deepest valley and the widest sea, love is everything, love is what humans live for, and its also what we die for. But I sit back and ask myself, is there really such thing as love? Or is it just this made up fairy tale thing, that everyone craves which makes us believe that our heart yearns for these special people when in reality maybe its our own imagination that creates these feelings of extreme happiness when we are in "love" or the unbearable pain when we realize maybe we aren't. Someone once told me that “Love isn’t being with the perfect person, yet seeing an imperfect person perfectly� Can love really do this? Can love make you blind to the point where you may not see flaws about someone. And what if these flaws are dangerous? Can love really be so cruel? Is love really a game of search and find? Or are there other ways to find your “true love�. And what if you do find the person you are “meant to be with� and you let the chance slip through your fingers? Would fate be so cruel as to never let you have another chance? Or would there be a 2nd chance? Is there even one person your meant to be with, or could it be that there is a select few? And how is it that when you are young and you fall in love for the first time, that you never forget. That even when u move on and possibly find someone else who you think you are in love with, why do the feelings of the past of your first true love haunt you? Could it be that the human species is suppose to only fall in love once and that’s how fate picks who you’re suppose to be with? And how is it if your only suppose to truly love one or even a few people that sometimes you could love someone so much and not even be able to breath when they are around, yet they don’t feel anything for you. What’s this suppose to mean? Or is it just fate prepping us for future pain? Love is such a confusing topic. Science has made it so now we understand why people have every other emotion, but what is the purpose of love? Love can make us vulnerable. Is this a good thing? Or is it good that the human species protects themselves emotionally from getting hurt? If love hurts us is such an unbearable way sometimes why do we continue to search for it? Does love really make us feel that much greater when we are with that person that we can forget everything that love has done to hurt us? Love is a manipulative. Its an emotion that most people say is on the opposite scale of hate, but really how are they far off? When someone you love does something so horrible to hurt you and make you fall out of love, the first thing you do is hate the person. Though you may not truly hate them you still hate things about them, hate things they have done, but you don’t love them any less. Or do you? If hate was on the opposite side of scale then if you did hate something about someone wouldn’t it make you love them less? Maybe love and hate are just so close that sometimes it’s impossible to tell the difference. Maybe you’re not suppose to. I guess the question I’m really asking is not what is love, but why is love. So next time you go tell someone you love them, take a step back and think, “Why is love?�

um... riiiiight.

men suck

tongue piercing! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

the future is in 4 hours when i get my tongue pierced! wheee

drunk and barfing

no, tape has to say.. he may be weird, he may be crazy.. but he's helping me!

in the past 3 posts i don't know what u were quoting.. or if u were quoting at all.. but... thank you. I haven't stopped thinking about my ex for the past 3 hrs now and i came to the posts to get my mind off of him.. I'm not sure what exactly what u were trying to say, but i understand. I understand it so much, yet im so confused. My heart is in pain, but yet its so much better. Life is so horrible, yet it's so worth living... I don't know what I'm trying to say or exactly what im feeling. I'm not sure what to do, whether to cry or to smile. I'm left with this feeling like im lost with emotions, and its the best feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. I guess what I'm trying to get at is I'm always either extremely happy, or unbelievably depressed... and for the first time in forever, im neither... and i feel so much better. You probably think I'm crazy, but thank you.

(those are big words that i don't understand) Big Mac and fries..

well im ugly and i want one. i don't think its going to ruin my body or anything.. yeah it will make things more intresting .. but thats only a tiny factor for me getting it.. i really want it because i think it looks cool, also i need something to play with inside my mouth so i stop biting/sucking on pens! .. if its sexy.. thats cool.. but if not, thats fine too. Guys should be more open to a womans personality, not their looks and if they are good in bed. I hate people who judge me on my body or hair or the way i dress, the only people i can stand are the people who don't look at that and don't care about that, I look for a guy who will give me a chance no matter what im wearing, whether its a bikini or sweat pants.

W00t! i got ignored

i collect boogers underneath my science desk

itch

meh?

yeah i know.. but all the dead bodies are under my bed *SHHH* I collect.... guys virginities.. hahaha!

WHEEEEEEEE KIMMY HAS A HAPPY MOMMENT! im getting my tongue pierced in 18 days!

my kitty named Arlo

i must be a vampire then.. cause im almost never in deep thought when other people are and i think its so funny i love it

um.. i only like it cause it has sugar..

me too.. cause i love being annoying..

don't look under my bed.. cause u might find the answer