English Humor

[walkingCat]

Some funny "English" anecdotes I recently found:

 

-Barrymore, when did english judjes begin to wear dark gowns?

-Since the Day of moaning for Queen Victoria, Sir.

-Then, why do they keep wearing it now?

-Maybe, because she is still dead, Sir.

 

 

The restaurant:

- Your English breakfast, sir!

- So, bacon, scrambled eggs, beans ... and where the toast?

- Cheers, sir!

 

 

Tipsy Lord said unto the servant:

- John! You do not find that this yogurt has a strange taste?

- Yes, sir. Moreover, I find that this yogurt a strange name, sir.

- Well, what is it?

- Mayonnaise, sir!

 

 

English village, a boy plays in front of a house. Gentleman walks by and says,

- Child, where's your father?

The kid importantly answers:

- In a pigsty, sir. Go right there, you recognize him by a bright red panama upon his head.

 

 

In English family was a fifteen year old boy, who hasn't said a word since he was born. One day at a breakfast, he suddenly said:

- A toast, is burnt.

- What? Why did you not say anything so before? - Parents were astonished.

- Until now, everything was going fine.

 

 

British prim spinster is going to provide a happy reception. Calls up her maid and said:

- Mary, men are going to come to visit us, they will go to the water closet, touch with hands their THINGs, then by the same hands, the sugar from the sugar bowl ... You'll have to put the sugar tongs.

After receiving the maid lady beckons:

- Mary, I think I asked you to expand the tongs.

Mary:

- I laid out ...

lady:

- And where are they?

Mary:

- In the water closet ...

 

 

Post your favorite "english" humor, I'll be happy to read more:)

[Kuma]

The horse enters the bar and bartender asks him : Why the long face buddy?

[MPG1770]

Whatever the reasons for our obsession with humour, however, no-one can deny that this inbuilt irreverence in the face of life’s difficulties is a source of strength. Along with tea and gardening, it is one of our great comforters, acting as grease to the wheel of social interaction and insulating us from many disturbers of our equilibrium. Though life itself may not mean much, viewed from our perspective a good deal of it is funny, which on its own is a sort of meaning. Humour is like a drug to many of us; we can’t get enough of it, and we are endlessly inventive in creating more of it. Our sense of humour has been one of our most enduring characteristics, precisely because we have found it so adaptive and helpful in hard times. Long may it prosper.

 

Time for Tea.

[walkingCat]

Whatever the reasons for our obsession with humour, however, no-one can deny that this inbuilt irreverence in the face of life’s difficulties is a source of strength. Along with tea and gardening, it is one of our great comforters, acting as grease to the wheel of social interaction and insulating us from many disturbers of our equilibrium. Though life itself may not mean much, viewed from our perspective a good deal of it is funny, which on its own is a sort of meaning. Humour is like a drug to many of us; we can’t get enough of it, and we are endlessly inventive in creating more of it. Our sense of humour has been one of our most enduring characteristics, precisely because we have found it so adaptive and helpful in hard times. Long may it prosper.

 

Time for Tea.

I agree. Humor is a psychological mechanism of our neurological system, unconsciously protects consciousness. According to research, people who joke and laugh a lot are more stressful and easiely change mood. By the way, playing games, watching TV and reading books is basically the same aspiration as humor - escape from reality.

 

MaestroPG, you are English gentelman. Please, tell us some good English joke.

Edited December 7, 2012 by walkingCat

[MPG1770]

Two racehorses were sitting in a bar one day reminiscing over their past triumphs. Both had been very successful but had recently lost form.

 

"I was OK until three weeks ago", said the white horse, "I was ahead of the field in the last race at Kempton Park, leading by six lengths as

we came into the final straight, and then I got this incredible searing pain all the way down my back and I stumbled and fell. Ever since then

I havn't been able to run at all."

 

"It's funny you should say that", said the black horse, "because I was running in the last race at Haydock Park two weeks ago, and the same

thing happened to me. I was ahead of the field by five lengths, and as we rounded the final bend I suddenly felt this intense stabbing pain all

the way down my back, and I stumbled and fell. I havn't been able to run since then either".

 

"Excuse me", said a greyhound who was sitting at the bar beside the white horse. "I couldn't help but overhear what you have been talking

about. I was running in the last race at Deptford last week, leading by four lengths, and as we came into the final straight I got an intense

pain down my back and I stumbled and fell. I have hardly been able to

walk since then."

 

"Cor! Blimey!", said the white horse, "It's absolutley incredible. Who would have believed it? A *talking* dog!"

 

 

How does an Englishman know if his wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up.

Edited December 8, 2012 by MPG1770

[walkingCat]

[ValenAlvern]

Seeing these reminds me of these

 

[MPG1770]

Here's a quickie:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b22F7SYzTrI

[Preacher]