GOrnE

First off, me and kitty are not roomies. I can't stand cats anyways. Secondly.... BRING IT! You and your laptop

While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it. Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" "No, don't be daft," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered bloke. Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."

According to your story.. you called her that I live over there. Come get me /loads m4

Rough night eh preach?

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike. "Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "He sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop again and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.

No.. I was hoping no one would call my bluff

You guys are getting to be a tough crowd. Maybe I should bring out my better jokes.

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command. "The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

I believe discom owes you $100 Shoot him a pm =P

Yesterday was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids..They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! " It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane,that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake . Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday." And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked.

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?" Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you Get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, Shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privates?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

One day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Jim calls out to his golfing partner in excitement, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here." Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?" "Throw me my 7-iron," Jim shouts back. "I just realized you can't get out of here with an 8-iron!"

Don't worry..with the ping i get here.. ill drop by once in a while but i probably won't frequent the gc servers too much but ill be looking forward to killing you at ff guess i better sleep with one eye open =P

ok.. im might actually go to one of these this year to all those who've gone before, what can i expect? money wise how much would an average ff be realistically? not just for ff and the room itself. how are the rooms? is it worth going? (im pretty sure what type of answer ill get here =P) idk..if all goes well i might all see everyone soon

rofl.. didn't expect that ending

Definitely go back and let them know how you feel! I think its definitely suspicous. Not only the vibrations, but a bad wheel bearing would make a noticable squealing, whining or a grinding noise. Something you definitely would take note of whether you know anything about cars or not. And like you said, the bearings usually go bad gradually. How convenient that it went bad as soon as they checked it out. You definitely should've notice something before you brought it in. The problem with those big auto repair/oil change chain stores. Most of the morons working there have no clue what they are doing or talking about. Also, most of them are careless and sloppy. I had a friend who went in for an oil change of all things and they manage to strip the thread of the oil pan trying to put the drain bolt back in. Of course they made up some story to cover for it. He made a big scene of it, but in the end, got screwed over. Btw, an alignment should be around $40-70ish.

Thanks everyone!

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, "Did you like what you saw"? Mike said yes I did. She said, "Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500". So Mike thought about his financial situation and said o.k.. She said so meet me here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then. Mike said, "I'll see you then". The next day, Mike came over, they made love, he paid her, then he left. Later Terry came home and said,"Has Mike been over here today"? She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, yes.†Terry asked, "Did he leave $500?" She said as a matter of fact, he did. Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and said he would leave it with you.

Yeah. I'm trying to bring this forum back to life. It's like no one comes here anymore

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He called the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Pointing to the man on his right. The first man replied, 'A thought. It pops into your head. There's no forewarning that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man. "Hmm..let me see, A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliché' for speed." He turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my Dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch, when you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant. Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said. Turning to the fourth man, he posed the question. "After hearing the three previous answers, It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhea." "What!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could think, blink or turn on the light, I crapped my pants!"

While speeding down the road yesterday, I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "What do you do? "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the heck do you do with a 6 foot ***hole?" he asked. To which I replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We lost track of time chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic". "Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge. "Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a quite a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. "Anyway," she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to **** off.

The American Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000. The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my manhood to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's manhood and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."

Sorry ma'am. I'm going to have to ticket you for a repost. =P

QFT