Heartless

uh-oh TaPe......i think its u it's not tape..and even if it was would he care? no. Plus he has a girlfriend whom he loves and i have more respect than that. Tape is just a good friend who knows the right things to say to me... and he makes me feel like my feelings and my pain or normal.. when he doesn't know the half of it... me and hendryx are gonna go to the mall this weekend so i can play and decide if i wanna buy CS... RIGHT HENDY?! u best go with me cause im gonna be bored this weekend. but anyway.. I have a new problem.. well its old.. but new all at the same time.. I'm not sure how i feel. I love Alonie so much, i know that. And he says he loves me too, but only the kind of love that he'll always have a special place in his heart for me kinda love... doesn't give me much hope now does it? I thought for a long time thats how I still loved him.. but I'm not sure anymore... I don't know how i love him. Tears streak down my face as I'm writting this so don't mind me if my typing is messed up.. Tape keeps saying love is a wonderful thing.. and I agree that it is, but only when the other person loves u back. Otherwise love is the most painful thing to experiance. I was so foolish before, i kept telling myself I was over him and that I could move on... but I can't. I broke down today.. i have been so good.. i haven't cried or thought about him deeply in a long time.. and today I haven't STOPPED crying.. me and him will never get back together.. and that hurts.. it hurts more than you could ever imagine. I keep thinking that I'll get over him, but what if I don't? He's changed so much since he and I broke up, and he says he loves who he is now.. but I still see the look in his eyes when he looks at me. I still see the love sometimes.. i still feel it in his kiss... am i just insane? Is there any chance that at some point in time that love he will always have in his heart for me will be rekindled? And if so when? And what if it doesn't. He was the man of my dreams and I let him get away. And finally I have learned to search for a new guy.. but I don't see anyone who I'd go for.. he's the only one I am willing to go out with.. I'm so lost. I just wish I didn't have a heart.. I wish my screen name really said how I was. Because then i would never have to love, and I would never have to hurt. And people keep telling me it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.. but are you sure? Because I just feel like I could die right now.. I've wanted to so bad.. But ever attempt ends because I always think to myself... "but what if he'll give me another chance in the future.. what if I do die and I miss that chance to be happy again" everytime I think that I have to stop.. and then i usually fall asleep... and then all over again the next day I get hurt, and I try to kill myself... it's a never ending cycle of pain, physical and emotional. And I find the only joy in my life right now, is to come here, and post to you guys.. and see what you all have to say.. so what if I don't play CS? U really want me to leave? So i have NO joy in my life at all? Cause if u want that.. say so.. and I'll leave. Because I'm sure no one would miss me. I hate life.. and right now there is a certain bottle of pills and a knife calling to me... I'll be back, I hope... and maybe my tears will finally stop falling...

Heartless and Buhttercup... Maybe because they're player haters.... me? a player hater?! not!.. im one myself hahaha just kiddin.. i don't mind players as long as they respect me when im with a guy already.. other wise friends with benefits fits me just fine Oh yeah.. and the small feet cooking female stereotype thing.. come on.. get real. Fine ill give a man what he wants, food, beer, sex when he wants but only as long as im satisfied and fall asleep first! And in return all i want is a man to hug and kiss me and not be afraid to say he loves me.. and oh yeah.. to be faithful unless its a 3-some... is that so much to ask? jeeez!

black ice

awww... thank you it made me feel bettter my next question is: Is it possible to fall in love with someone u barely ever talk directly to? Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met? cause I think its happening to me. (no names on who are being said right now)

wheee i like stupid posts that make u scroll i don't know why he didn't drink the water thats why i was confused!

mmm ice cream

i don't play CS and i use the HP mouse that came with my dad's computer.. its a piece of doggy doo-doo. It sticks a lot and its only got the 2 big buttons.... so yeah.. i suck

mm yes that is a good combo.... only really good with A&W root beer though..

PLAY DOH! (yummy )

tape were u talking to me when u said that? or making a random post? steve what the hell are you doing in the library again being bored? damn you. i can be random too.. i just don't want to be one day i was in a desert and i saw this thirsty guy and i had a bottle of water so i looked at him and asked him if he'd like some water he shouted yes to the best of his ability so i laughed in his face and drank it for myself cause i figured he was too weak to say yes so he's too weak to hurt me but as i was about half way through my water he got up from the ground took a black gun out of his pocket and pulled the trigger but i didn't die as u can see but thats cause it was a water gun... and i was all confused.

we dont wanna know the other malemodel that took yours hehehehehehe that made my day.

i got drunk off of 4 beers ... 3 shots of vodka and say good bye to me but the good thing is im a happy drunk.. a very very very happy drunk

awww thats so cute.. i wish i had someone special again.. and the worst part is, im finally ready to move on.. and the kid that i like (not love, i love my ex still) is going out with my one of my friends.. and i know he'd go out with me (cause no offence to her.. but im prettier, and im not so prude) but last time a guy dumped her for me she ripped one and wouldn't talk to me for weeks! It's not my fault all her boyfriends end up liking me! this is the first one that i actually like! grrrrrrr.... life is so.. soo... grrr. love sucks.

saggy balls

i had a Mr. Pibb when i was in Arizona.. i had it like at midnight.. and i had to get up at 6 the next morning.. needless to say.. i didn't sleep that night... or the next one cause i was on such a caffeine high.

wow.. u do more than i do. I sit around, by the phone, waiting for someone to call. Or i sit at my puter waiting for someone to get online so i can talk to someone.. my life has been a living hell since my boyfriend broke up with me. I used to go out every night and party with him, now I sit and do nothing. I don't get it though.. now I sit around do nothing.. and i should be getting fatter.. but I'm getting skinny.. i don't get it. Life is so odd. Tape how do u do all that? I get stressed out just thinking about all that. How are you still sane?

what do u people do all day besides play CS and post here?

dots

*sigh* tonight sucks.. all my friends are at my exboyfriend party.. cept for me. Even my friend Kara who has only talked to him ONCE is there.. and I'm stuck at home just wondering what they are doing...

This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing forever just because this is the song that never ends.. yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing forever just because this is the song that never ends.. yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing forever just because this is the song that never ends.. yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing forever just because this is the song that never ends.. yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing forever just because this is the song that never ends.. yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing forever just because this is the song that never ends..

eh, its not as bad as the seizure bot page <-- click my smiley

apple

I miss him

Oh yes, though he may not come on here I do have to wish my ex a happy b-day.. so happy 17th birthday Alonie (eh.. he'll never read it.. but I feel better) yeah and i got mad when he told me he was having a party and i wasn't invited cause he doesn't want me there.. but oh well.. what am i gonna do?

no i watch cartoons sometimes.. but i could never quote 'em.