Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT April 10, 2003 Share Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT Guests April 10, 2003 (edited) we got to write a book for school thats due like 2 weeks before school over..i am writing mine abuot Final Fantasy Tactice for gameboy...i just wanna share it with you so if u got any details about how to make it better i will accpet them...alrighty here it goes Prolouge(Edited) It was cold and stormy the day Eric was born. The townsfolk knew that Eric would one day become a hero, but they didnt know how he would become one. Growing up, he would always visit the weapon shop and the INN, listening to the brave battlesmen traveling throughtout the continent looking for battles. When he turned 13, his father gave him a rapier. He told him "I want you to practice your swordwielding, for when you are 15 you will destroy the tower." Eric knew that the tower has tried to been destroyed by men looking for a challenge many times, but it was never done. Everyday he would practice swinging that sword. Then the day came when he was 15... I will post up the first chapther when i finsih it...any suggestions feel free to tell me...untill next time... Edited April 11, 2003 by SiLvEr BuLLeT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwEEziL April 10, 2003 Share dwEEziL Member April 10, 2003 Epilouge It was a cold and stormy night the day Eric was born. The townsfolk knew that Eric would one day become a hero. But they didnt know how he would become one. Growing up... The red "sentence" is a fragment. It should be appended to the previous setence. "The townsfolk knew that Eric would one day become a hero but they didnt know how he would become one." Doesn't sound too bad...keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowboyFromHell`X April 10, 2003 Share CowboyFromHell`X Member April 10, 2003 Make space monkeys involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT April 10, 2003 Share Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT Guests April 10, 2003 thx dweez for a real opinion...lol maybe space monkeys will be in a sequel i write...just maybe... i almost finshed first chapter ill post it up tommorow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hitman April 10, 2003 Share Hitman Member April 10, 2003 (edited) He told him "I want you to practice your swordwelding, for when you are 15 you will destroy the tower." Eric knew that the tower has tried to been destroyed many a times. Everyday he would practice swinging that sword. Then the day came when he was 15... First off there's a misspelling... the red word should be sword wielding, no biggie. Second, that red sentence sounds awkward and doesn't make very much sense. I don't think the tower tried to be destroyed, someone tried to destroy it, right? You might want to consider replacing the sentence with something like: "Eric knew there had been many attempts to destroy the tower," or "Many a time someone has tried to destroy the tower, Eric knew this." ...just a few suggestions. Your story sounds pretty cool so far, I like your ideas. Keep us updated when you write more! Edited April 10, 2003 by Hitman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwOOp April 10, 2003 Share SwOOp Member April 10, 2003 (edited) Epilouge   It was a cold and stormy night the day Eric was born. The townsfolk knew that Eric would one day become a hero. But they didnt know how he would become one. Growing up, he would always visit the weapon shop and the INN, listening to the brave battlesmen traveling throughtout the continent looking for battles. When he turned 13, his father gave him a rapier. He told him "I want you to practice your swordwelding, for when you are 15 you will destroy the tower." Eric knew that the tower has tried to been destroyed many a times. Everyday he would practice swinging that sword. Then the day came when he was 15... I will post up the first chapther when i finsih it...any suggestions feel free to tell me...untill next time... Eric was born on a cold and stormy night. The townsfolk knew that Eric was destined to be a great hero, but they did not know how he would accomplish this feat. While growing up he could often be found visiting the weapon shop, or the inn, where he would go to hear warriors' brave tales of their adventures while traveling across the continent. Upon his 13th birthday, his father presented to him a Rapier. Along with this he was instructed by his father, "I want you to take this sword and practice your swordsmanship, for when you turn 15 you will destroy the tower. Eric was well aware that many attempts were made to destroy the tower that his father spoke of. He practiced vigorously, everyday, his sword handling techniques until he was one with the sword. Every move, every swing came to him like it was second nature. Then came the fateful day, his 15th birthday..... I am not telling you this is how you need to write your story, just take what you like, leave what you don't. Try to be more descriptive about things. You'll find this fills much of your story, and it's great for when you have reports or stories that require a minimum of so many words. i.e. You could take a little time to describe the rapier such as "It was a remarkable blade, finely crafted and of perfect balance. Etched into the flat of the blade, was a griffon, a majestic creature thought to rule all. The hilt of the sword was adorned with a mysterious ball of obsidian, as he looked in awe at the sphere, Eric could swear he saw the smokey contents shift. As if it was fully aware that it was wielded, by it's master." You may want to let the reader know the name of Eric's father, this gives it a more personal feel. You could also fill more of your story with some details about the tower. Why was it important that it be destroyed? And what led to so many failed attempts? Remember put yourself in the readers shoes. You have to be very descriptive as they no nothing. They do not see the way the story pans out in your head, so you have to put into words, as best you can, so that they can picture it for themselves. Don't overdo it though, you want to draw the reader in, not just bore them with details, so have a nice mix of action and/or conflict. Also, try not to use the same words continuously i.e. he blah, blah, blah he, blah. mix it up with eric, blah, blah, blah, he, blah he. And watch for conflicts in what you write like in your opening sentence '' It was a cold and stormy NIGHT on the DAY Eric was born. you are off to a good start though, I would just suggest you do freewriting of what you want to say then readover it and look for ways you can shnazz it up. Why say ''He was great with a sword'' when you could say '' He mastered every movement with his sword, swinging it felt no different than you or I swinging our arm.'' Sorry, guess I overdone it a bit, my post was not meant to be this long. Edited April 10, 2003 by SwOOp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT April 11, 2003 Share Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT Guests April 11, 2003 no please i want our opinions the reason you(the reader) does not know Erics father name is becasue he is only important now and 1/2 way down the book...you learn his name though...trust me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT April 11, 2003 Share Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT Guests April 11, 2003 i got the first chapter done..but its pretty long so i aint going to type now since i need to hit the shower and go to bed since i got skool tommorow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UberNewb April 11, 2003 Share Guest UberNewb Guests April 11, 2003 If this is before the first chapter, it should be the Prologue, not the Epilogue. Just a suggestion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwEEziL April 11, 2003 Share dwEEziL Member April 11, 2003 Maybe he is going with one of those neat little "prequel" thingies that seem to be so popular now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT April 11, 2003 Share Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT Guests April 11, 2003 If this is before the first chapter, it should be the Prologue, not the Epilogue. Just a suggestion. i wuz always confysed with those..thought it was epilouge...thanks! well.off to school rite the first chapter when i get home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT April 11, 2003 Share Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT Guests April 11, 2003 Chapter 1 His father told him "At twelve noon, you will have your first battle with wildness." "I'm going alone?" said Eric frightened."No of course not, i am coming with you." They ste of and Eric saw his first monster, a goblin "Look"said Eric "Lets get him!" "Alright,you take the first shot at him" Eric ran up to him, dodged a couple of shots thrown at him and struck his sword right at the beasts head. Eric saw the blade break right in half as the monster absorbed the mighty blow. "Get back son! I finsih him off!" said Erics father. With one blow his father killed him. "What happened to my Rapier father?" "Well, a rapier isnt that strong of a weapon and you swung as hard as you can with it. It looks like with your power i shall have to buy you a powerful sword that true warriors use." Erics father and a friend went out and defeating many foes. Soon enough they had 200 gold pieces. They went to the weapon store and bought Eric a true hero weapon, the long sword. They went home and Eric and his father talked abuot the land and how he would help Eric get practice to become a master leader of a group. "Father" sad Eric "Can you tell me about the tower?" "Sure son." "Eons ago, the tower spewed fourth beasts and monsters of many kinds. Adventurers set fourth to end the invasions and find the legendary paradise on the other side. Noone has done it yet, I want you to be the first." A long silence was broken by Erics soft whisper,"So, the tower isnt just the means of defeating monsters and beasts, but to rescue paradise?" "That is correct my son." With one long breath Eric went to bed. His dreams were exotic that night, filled with him killing all the beasts on the continent with his long sword. When he woke up his father was allready packed and ready to hunt. They went out exploring that day with joy and pride. When the day was done, they had 500 gold pieces from killing o-bakes,goblins,skeletons and lizards. "Son, one more day of training then you will be on your way.But this training will not be like this, you will fight alone, i will come along, but will be weaponless." Erics father said when they were home. "Are you sure I am ready father?" Eric said. "I am sure, for your power is dealt with great power." Erics emotions were filled with scares, yet pride. Finally falling asleep, he had a dream. He was destroying many beasts with his long sword, but repeatinginly dieing from a goblin. No matter what he did, he would always die from that goblin. He suddnely woke up and had sweat all over his face. He looked at the clock and it read 3:00 am. Then he saw his father sleeping, then his longsword. He looked at those three over and over. Finally he made the decision to go hunting now. He now fought close to the town in case he got hurt, he can run back easily. When broad daylight came, and he killing many foes he saw his father running to him. "Where...What.are you doing?" said Erics father panicly. "I hunted and killed on my own." They went home, but Eric went to seom stores. When he came home, he gave a longsword to his father. "What are you doing???That is yours." Eric's father said. "No my father, I bought this for you, along with this." With that Eric pulled out a buetifully encarved shield. "I will go to the INN tommorow and find my group. They went to sleep, but Erics father watched over him. The morning came, and Eric got his stuff ready. "Well father, I am going now. Good-bye for now." Eric said, with sadness and eagerness. "Goodbye son, always remember I love you." With one last hug, Eric walked to the INN... Please post your comments on this chapter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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