GOrnE June 23, 2005 Share GOrnE Member June 23, 2005 After every Quantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a piece of paper on which the pilot completes the top part listing the problem, which the mechanics read and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the next flight of that plane can review the form before taking off. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses. P = the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken by engineers. Quantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Amost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight ok, except auto land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back order P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud S: DME volume set to more believable level P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. This joke reminds me of some of the smart alecs in gc *cough*preacher*cough* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*BiGBonES** June 23, 2005 Share *BiGBonES** Member June 23, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOrnE June 23, 2005 Author Share GOrnE Member June 23, 2005 <{POST_SNAPBACK}> well if bigbones enjoyed it.. this thread was a success!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decoy June 23, 2005 Share Decoy Member June 23, 2005 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duma June 23, 2005 Share duma Member June 23, 2005 (edited) P: Aircraft handles funny.S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Edited June 23, 2005 by duma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appalachian_fox June 23, 2005 Share appalachian_fox Member June 23, 2005 hehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
High Fox June 23, 2005 Share High Fox Member June 23, 2005 Ha ha ha ha hah hah hahh hahhhhhhh.....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
campkillyorself June 23, 2005 Share campkillyorself Member June 23, 2005 Haha, how many of these do you have? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOrnE June 23, 2005 Author Share GOrnE Member June 23, 2005 Haha, how many of these do you have? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> they'll just keep coming and coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*BiGBonES** June 23, 2005 Share *BiGBonES** Member June 23, 2005 Can we hook gorne up with his own forum? This would put Lunks fan club right out of business! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilzugud June 23, 2005 Share Kilzugud Member June 23, 2005 Can we hook gorne up with his own forum? This would put Lunks fan club right out of business! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> lol, do it up, another good one gorne, thx for the bonus one too!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher June 23, 2005 Share Preacher Member June 23, 2005 (edited) Very good, hey who you callin a smart Alek????? Edited June 23, 2005 by Preacher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brillow_Head June 23, 2005 Share Brillow_Head Member June 23, 2005 they missed the best one P: Noise in cockpit sounds like midget with hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOrnE June 24, 2005 Author Share GOrnE Member June 24, 2005 (edited) they missed the best one P: Noise in cockpit sounds like midget with hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> nice addition brillow.. ya trying to steal my thunder here?!?! Edited June 24, 2005 by GOrnE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Glitch June 24, 2005 Share Guest Glitch Guests June 24, 2005 Or perhaps gorne is stealing someone entirely different's thunder. I've heard all of these at another of my oft visited forums, including the midget one. They are funny even after a second read though. What are your trying to pull gorne? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOrnE June 24, 2005 Author Share GOrnE Member June 24, 2005 Or perhaps gorne is stealing someone entirely different's thunder. I've heard all of these at another of my oft visited forums, including the midget one. They are funny even after a second read though. What are your trying to pull gorne? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> lmao.. try googling any of these jokes.. they are all classics i like to collect jokes.. i mostly get them emailed from my friends so it might well be from the forum you are talking about and what are ya trying to do? make me look like a phony? Dont make me frag ya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilzugud June 24, 2005 Share Kilzugud Member June 24, 2005 lmao.. try googling any of these jokes.. they are all classics i like to collect jokes.. i mostly get them emailed from my friends so it might well be from the forum you are talking about and what are ya trying to do? make me look like a phony? Dont make me frag ya <{POST_SNAPBACK}> lol, no one wld ever try and call you a phony gorne.....hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Glitch June 24, 2005 Share Guest Glitch Guests June 24, 2005 well.. thx for putting me in my place glitch.. always welcome from a fellow [XX] <{POST_SNAPBACK}> You said it first. Just putting you in your nice tidy little place like i enjoy doing. I like things being orderly. Hehe. Oh, and as if you wouldn't just frag me anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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