Actually a small update for me... I'm considering detransition. I think it might be easier to pretend to be how I was born than to live like this. I get called Tranny and Shemale on a regular basis... I had a black guy contact me and ask me if I was a tranny, so I asked him "Are you a (I should be banned)?" And he blew up on me, and I responded "Because that's just as derogatory as tranny," but he responded "But you are a tranny." There's no escaping it. No one wants to learn the correct terminology, no one sees us as anything other than a piece of meat... I had one girlfriend during transition and she used those 4 months as an experimentation. It's doubly hard when you can't find love or acceptance from anyone.
I was in the London Pride Parade Sunday. On the back of the truck where the world could see, and, the whole time, people were saying "You look like a girl" or "I would never have guessed" but when I saw a photos, it was a fat guy with boobs in a dress, and man, for anyone who knows what dysphoria is, it crushed me. I haven't taken the estrogen or progesterone in several days, but I still take the hormone blocker, because right now, I'm not sure what to do.
I'm thankful to have players in the community like Master Talpa who have been there since I started transition, who has been EXTREMELY supportive the entire time, and I'm sorry I lost touch with you.
Personally, this latest week has been horrible. I've attempted suicide twice, and instead of friends being concerned, it's instead my mother, who has been so transphobic the entire transition, but now after seeing the results, she's terrified.
Truthfully, it's difficult to live in a world where I look like a boy with shoulder-length hair, and even when I wear makeup, it doesn't really help much at all...
My mom being terrified has offered to now pay for FFS, which is facial feminization surgery; they do their best to restructure the facial bones to be more female. However, I need weight reduction surgery, and gender reassignment surgery. I wasn't so focused on the latter until every dating site or guy interested would ask "Are you a tranny," or "Shemale?" or "If you have lady parts we can truck" because being Pre-op means no one wants you, because who you are doesn't matter to anyone.
I figured I could vent here because very few people view this thread, so it shouldn't raise any alarming reactions.
I wish there were more awareness, honestly...