Gunman January 5, 2003 Share Gunman Member January 5, 2003 Hello, first let me say that any and all comments that you make about the story (without calling me a moron) will be taken as suggestions, make them harsh...nice...anything about what you think of the story or excerpt. The novel's title is "Platinum Squad" and it involves an elite counter-terrorism unit going around the world performing multiple missions with each other. This topic will contain a few excerpts from the novel Enjoy! Gunman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zweih January 5, 2003 Share Zweih Member January 5, 2003 post a link with the whole thing or the work in progress. i read alot, im sure i can give SOME feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunman January 5, 2003 Author Share Gunman Member January 5, 2003 DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES COPY AND PASTE THIS!!! Here is the excerpt for the day! Enjoy and please respond to this with any ideas or thoughts. "After viewing the sheet briefly, a helicopter landed outside. We rushed to it, and were beginning our first mission just after learning about it. We flew to a place just outside the Saudi Arabian border. The landscape was flat, but the heat was enough to make a sun bathing snake slither to the shade. Add to that the 40 mile per hour wind gusts and dust blowing everywhere; it seemed like hell. We landed within what was left of an ancient city, and we setup a perimeter immediately." Gunman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty January 6, 2003 Share Fatty GC Founder January 6, 2003 it's tempting not to do one of those continuation stories....but that would make good for another topic.... There ya go sexy, put some rules in, like 2 sentences (complete, real) max. Anything non-English, etc, is deleted. That could be fun. GJ Gunman! Looks like fun. I'll share only one suggestion for you: replace the word "sheet" with something that is more descriptive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty January 6, 2003 Share Fatty GC Founder January 6, 2003 PS. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES COPY AND PASTE THIS!!! Wanna do something about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunman January 6, 2003 Author Share Gunman Member January 6, 2003 Yeah if I could...I dont want anyone stealing this... BTW I am working on it right now in school! heh Gunman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunman January 6, 2003 Author Share Gunman Member January 6, 2003 Here is my next excerpt...ENJOY! "The commander led us to a room down the hall and to the left and he began a sort of interrogation. He questioned us about the wounded and about what we had seen in the area where the mission had taken place. The questions seemed to go unanswered, because none of us really understood how this happened. We each had partners and were each supposed to watch each other’s backs. This whole mission seemed like anything could have happened and everything did." Lemme know what you think! Gunman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunman January 6, 2003 Author Share Gunman Member January 6, 2003 You get a double dose! "We ten people live a life where our loved ones cannot know where we are or who we work for. We get a very few amount of days off and we cannot ever share any details of our job. One woman and we nine men are some of the best Counter-Terrorists this country has ever seen." w00t w00t! Gunman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty January 6, 2003 Share Fatty GC Founder January 6, 2003 Yeah if I could...I dont want anyone stealing this... BTW I am working on it right now in school! heh Gunman You missed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty January 6, 2003 Share Fatty GC Founder January 6, 2003 You really should read Mack Bolan books (Don Pendleton, Gold Eagle publisher I think) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xterminator January 6, 2003 Share Xterminator Member January 6, 2003 BORING!! lol j/k it's good send me a copy when your done....seriously Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunman January 6, 2003 Author Share Gunman Member January 6, 2003 I will have a link posted that everyone can read after I finish it. I have approximatly 57 pages done...turns out I only needed 50 for the assignment but I am still going for 100! Gunman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UberNewb January 6, 2003 Share Guest UberNewb Guests January 6, 2003 Gun, if you need people to read it over, edit it for grammar, spelling, etc.. send it my way. I have a crack team that'll get it done for you =D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunman January 7, 2003 Author Share Gunman Member January 7, 2003 Cool...I will let you know in about 10 days with a link so I can have it edited by the 24th...(Due date) Gunman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UberNewb January 7, 2003 Share Guest UberNewb Guests January 7, 2003 100 pages in 8 days? We'll see... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zweih January 7, 2003 Share Zweih Member January 7, 2003 dude, just post the link to the work in progress, that way we can all comment on how good/bad it is. if you want help we need more than five sentences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunman January 7, 2003 Author Share Gunman Member January 7, 2003 This topic is just a few of my sentences I don't want to reveal the WHOLE thing until I am finished Please tell me what you think of what I have so far... Gunman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xterminator January 8, 2003 Share Xterminator Member January 8, 2003 100 pages making a cs story? c'mon it can be done no prob! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa January 10, 2003 Share Playaa Member January 10, 2003 d00d I'm volunteering to proof-read also....but I'm teh wick3d h4rsh3st advice giver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UberNewb January 10, 2003 Share Guest UberNewb Guests January 10, 2003 The only reason that I am writing mine like its a sport because it would make more sense, given everyone's nicknames. lol, I seriously doubt that any terrorist would be known the world over as SexyTyme. But Gun, I'm sure yours is going to kick some serious butt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunman May 29, 2003 Author Share Gunman Member May 29, 2003 We answered a lot of questions for the next two or three hours, and then we were given the opportunity to ask a few questions ourselves. I asked about our fallen teammates, to which I got a response that all of them were ok and they should heal up pretty fast. None of the wounds were life threatening and they should be ready to go on the next mission in about three weeks. To that we all breathed a sigh of relief. After the rest of the guys asked their questions we were told that we can go on three weeks of leave to visit our families, and when we got back we should be ready to go back to the area for another encounter. <END OF CHAPTER 4> <BEGIN CHAPTER 5> For my three weeks of leave I decided to go visit my family in Wisconsin. I returned to a city just outside of the capitol, Madison; called Sun Prairie. As I approached my house I couldn’t believe that I was home for the first time in about four years. My family had no idea I was coming, but I was sure they would be glad to see me. I walked up to the front door, and gave it a knock, and to my surprise my entire family was there. My parents; my brother; my grandparents; my aunts and my uncles. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My entire family had come to see me. I decided to visit with them for a while and then take them all out to dinner. They asked so many questions about my job, and I felt terrible that I had to lie to them about it. I told them that my job was great and that I was having a lot of fun doing it. <PAUSE> Gunny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwEEziL May 29, 2003 Share dwEEziL Member May 29, 2003 My comment would to NOT make it in first person narrative. A third person, semi-omniscient perspective would allow you to get into the minds of all the team members, not just recount the story/thoughts/feelings of just one. It also allows for dramatic effect like the reader knowing of an ambush that the team currently isn't aware of. Stuff like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowboyFromHell`X May 30, 2003 Share CowboyFromHell`X Member May 30, 2003 Yeah. First person leads you to blocking. If you do it in third, like dweez said, if you have a writer's block you could always change whoever's view it is and whatnot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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