GOrnE October 5, 2005 Share GOrnE Member October 5, 2005 (edited) A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the lovers and hides in the closet to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little boy says: "Dark in here." The man says: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball, do you want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside" Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "$250." A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have bat." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?" The boy says:"$750." The secret lover says: "Fine, I will buy it." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and bat, let's go outside and have a game." The boy says: "I can't, I sold them for $1000." The father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.....$1000 is way more than those two things cost.I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your sins." They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says: "Dark in here." The priest says: "Don't start that s*** again!" Remember, its not guaranteed funny without the official GOrnEâ„¢ stamp Edited October 5, 2005 by GOrnE 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIGSHaW October 5, 2005 Share BIGSHaW Member October 5, 2005 lol good stuff as usual gorne! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackieChan October 5, 2005 Share JackieChan GC Alumni October 5, 2005 Hahahaha! Nice one Gorne. I'm going to see if I can tell that one to my friends. The last one about the hitman I told to several people and they all thought it was funny. Keep em coming Gorne! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher October 5, 2005 Share Preacher Member October 5, 2005 Three men survive a plane crash in a remote part of South America and are captured by a cannibal tribe. The shahman comes to them and explains that it is a tradition to allow the victim to die by whatever instrument they choose. After they are dead they will be eaten and thier skin used as waterproofing for thier huts. The first man asks to be shot by a poison arrow since it will be a quick death with little pain. So they bring out the bow and fire the arrow killing the man. They then eat him and prepare the skin. The second man asks for a knife So that they get no satisfaction from murdering him, he slits his own wrists and bleeds to death. They then eat him and prepare his skin. The third man asks for a fork. The shahman grants his request and the whole villiage comes out to watch as the man stabs himself every couple of inches proclaiming that he hopes thier roof leaks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOrnE October 5, 2005 Author Share GOrnE Member October 5, 2005 Three men survive a plane crash in a remote part of South America and are captured by a cannibal tribe. The shahman comes to them and explains that it is a tradition to allow the victim to die by whatever instrument they choose. After they are dead they will be eaten and thier skin used as waterproofing for thier huts. The first man asks to be shot by a poison arrow since it will be a quick death with little pain. So they bring out the bow and fire the arrow killing the man. They then eat him and prepare the skin. The second man asks for a knife So that they get no satisfaction from murdering him, he slits his own wrists and bleeds to death. They then eat him and prepare his skin. The third man asks for a fork. The shahman grants his request and the whole villiage comes out to watch as the man stabs himself every couple of inches proclaiming that he hopes thier roof leaks. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hey! You can't post your jokes on a GOrnE approved thread!!!! Dangit preach Lol, nice one anyways.. and to stop preach's thread hijacks, we should really get that joke forum set up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher October 5, 2005 Share Preacher Member October 5, 2005 hijack hijack hijack So what do you guys think about the prices of milk products going up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossad October 5, 2005 Share Mossad Member October 5, 2005 A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you. She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher October 5, 2005 Share Preacher Member October 5, 2005 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackieChan October 6, 2005 Share JackieChan GC Alumni October 6, 2005 A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you. She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hahaha! Nice. The punchline was pretty unexpected IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Girlzilla January 31, 2013 Share Girlzilla Member January 31, 2013 Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen who ruled over the land of Harrybutt. She was blessed with a son and named him Crack. But one day she lost him and went to the police in a mad panic, crying, "I looked all over my Harrybutt and couldn't find my crack!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Girlzilla January 31, 2013 Share Girlzilla Member January 31, 2013 (edited) A WOMAN is LIKE THE EARTH.. At 16, she is like Antartica - unexplored At 24, she is like the Amazon - full of adventure! At 30, she is like Switzerland - almost perfect! At 40, she is like (the former) East Germany - needs billions in subsidies every year... At 50, she is like Siberia....everyone knows where that is, but no one wants to go there.... Edited January 31, 2013 by Girlzilla 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Girlzilla January 31, 2013 Share Girlzilla Member January 31, 2013 An Asian was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asks the American bank teller, “Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat yen fo dollar – today I get hunat eighty?” The bank teller says, “Fluctuations.” The Asian says, “Fluc you white guys too!” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Girlzilla January 31, 2013 Share Girlzilla Member January 31, 2013 Case of the Pregnant Lady A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, “Well, your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are Coming,’ and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, ‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself. But, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under the sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident,’… I just lost it.” “CASE DISMISSED!!” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biggs January 31, 2013 Share Biggs GC Alumni January 31, 2013 (edited) A necromancer and a guy wearing a Godzilla costume are sitting at a bar. The Godzilla outfit guy asks the necromancer "Hey, when are you going to retire? You're getting pretty old, after all!" The necromancer replies, "Yeah, I suppose these old bones can't take much more of this job." Then we realize that the necromancer is the Godzilla guy. So why's he talking to himself? Edited January 31, 2013 by Biggs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Girlzilla January 31, 2013 Share Girlzilla Member January 31, 2013 (edited) Then we realize that the necromancer is the Godzilla guy. I'm guessing from being too drunk to notice? So why's he talking to himself? Some people are as edible as a table leg. Edited January 31, 2013 by Girlzilla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walkingCat January 31, 2013 Share walkingCat Member January 31, 2013 (edited) So why's he talking to himself? thank you for the sleepless night, sir! Edited January 31, 2013 by walkingCat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boiler January 31, 2013 Share boiler Member January 31, 2013 Holy necropost, Batman... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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