ash December 12, 2007 Share ash Member December 12, 2007 (edited) I'm sorry for my past outbursts and conflicts at GC. My wrists are ruined and I can no longer play CS. My heart is dying on me, I nearly had a heart attack awhile back. I wasted nearly a whole decade of my life sitting here behind this screen, 24/7 365. It has now come to my attention that I may have to serve a long, long prison sentence (20+ years). I'm 24 y/o. My life is terrible. I've often thought about suicide. I've let my heart condition worsen lately because I lost all hope. Please don't hate me. Edited December 16, 2007 by ash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shazz December 12, 2007 Share Shazz Member December 12, 2007 No hate here bud. I will be praying for you. A side note...I see in your picture ASU. Is that Arizona? If so I am in Phoenix. If you are located here and need someone to chat with, let me know. Please don't even contemplate suicide. Matter a fact, please put that word out of your mind. Don't let those thoughts even make a home there. We all go through struggles, it just helps us grow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ash December 12, 2007 Author Share ash Member December 12, 2007 No hate here bud. I will be praying for you. A side note...I see in your picture ASU. Is that Arizona? If so I am in Phoenix. If you are located here and need someone to chat with, let me know. Please don't even contemplate suicide. Matter a fact, please put that word out of your mind. Don't let those thoughts even make a home there. We all go through struggles, it just helps us grow. It's USA backwards (mirror pic). Thanks for your prayers, I need them very badly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shazz December 12, 2007 Share Shazz Member December 12, 2007 You would think that by now that I would be able to tell what a S looked like... You got my prayers bud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xterminator December 12, 2007 Share Xterminator Member December 12, 2007 ash, like shazz said dont even think about that word, there no need for it. It's never to late to change your life around. And if you need people to talk to you know the community's got your back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ash December 12, 2007 Author Share ash Member December 12, 2007 I don't think about suicide anymore. I cry every night. I ruined my whole existence in so many ways. Please pray for me whenever you get the chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stutters December 12, 2007 Share stutters GC Alumni December 12, 2007 a life is never wasted unless your entire life is convincing yourself it was. a life is full of lessons, and sometimes those lessons have an insane way of manifesting themselves. sometimes they take forever to come full circle. i'd like to send you a book i'm about finished reading - c.s. lewis' "the great divorce." i hate reading, but it's easy, painless, and probably something that would speak directly to you. PM me your address, and i'll put it in the mail. stay strong, matt / sj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa December 12, 2007 Share Playaa Member December 12, 2007 The only way to truly ruin your existence is to end it. I don't really know how to help you other than prayer...my biggest suggestion is seek council in your area. A friend you can talk to, a councilor or even just any local church. Any church worth its salt would have no problems with you walking in off the street in the middle of a week day and saying "I could use some help please." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOFX December 12, 2007 Share NOFX Member December 12, 2007 (edited) I can't pray for ya because.. well, because we have many higher beings here on this planet, I don't know which one to talk to. First, I see you have two problems here. 1) You feel like you have wasted your life behind the computer screen and your not in the best health (maybe because of that?) 2) You may be going to prison Would you mind sharing why you may go? or how long you have to go for? Im not sure what I can say about the prison thing, we all make mistakes man... If you must do prison, you can always change. The person you were is not who you are today, but you are who you are, because of who you were. Anyway, my advice is come on man.. your only 24 years old! I just turned 26 and I feel like Im just now starting out life. All the other stuff before hand was just learning experiences that made me who I am today. So you've spend almost a decade on the computer, so now its time to do something else. I've recently come to realize there are a few important things in life and being truly happy is the main one. You can't be happy overnight, but if you work toward that goal, you will progress alot faster than you think. Next, I would put on that list is being somewhat physically fit. And this goes along with your heart disease.. Get exercise man.. We as humans aren't on earth to sit around all day and stare at monitors. Although you are working your brain, your body isn't being used. We evolved to be hunters and survive..... If you don't treat your body as it was intended to be used, it will never feel "right". I too have sat in front of a machine for the past decade. A few years ago my new job required it 8+ hours a day. I then decided when Im not at work it is time to do something else. So I started going to the gym, taking my dog to the park, doing stuff around the house, anything to get out. But I still find time to sit down and occasionally play a round of CS. I believe everyone can help their self if they are REALLY want to. Most people decide to take the easy way out. They blame someone else, want people to cry for them or do the whole suicide ordeal. Take a look at the biker guy who had ball cancer, he said forget that and kicked cancer in its balls.... Now whos the man? wow, I just wrote alot... Edited December 12, 2007 by NOFX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stutters December 12, 2007 Share stutters GC Alumni December 12, 2007 that's easily the longest post nofx ever made in my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ash December 16, 2007 Author Share ash Member December 16, 2007 I forgot to mention something: Please pray for me, my grandparents, my cousins and the rest of my family. I think I dragged them into this mess too. I've never found love. Please pray that I will meet a woman that loves me, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Kill3r December 28, 2007 Share All Kill3r Member December 28, 2007 How are you doing ash ? Don't feel bad for getting involved with family, that's what they are there for. I pray that you find happiness. If you want change bad enough you will change. I was glued to my monitor for a few years but i've gotten past it, you can do it bro. Suicide is no answer, you know that. I lost my mother to it, it hurts so many people it's not worth it. The absolute best way to get out of the rut is to get out. Get out of that room, get out of your house and go anywhere, go lots of places, often. You WILL meet new people that are like you, trust me. Blessed be bro, keep in touch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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