Peckles

I don't want to alarm you, but I'm naked under these clothes.

I mugged someone. Got tea everywhere.

My doctor said my platelet count was too high, so I told my dishes to start using contraceptives.

I graduated with so many flying colours, they call me Nyan Cat.

Vote for me! I threw a brick at a swan!

Yyyaaaaaawwwwnnnnn

AHH I'm so nervous for game 7...Can't sleep!! Quick, someone punch me in the face!

The sound you are about to hear is my head hitting a very solid desk.

Some people are lactose intolerant. I am intolerant of people that lack toes.

Is it weird that whenever I say the word 'flesh' I feel like a zombie and/or leper?

I didn't check my pockets before washing my clothes. Now the police are after me for laundering money.

I filmed myself watching a recording of myself watching Inception.

I'm going to tighten my belt. I suggest you do the same.

A rope will save the fire from despots and no desk can solve the snake

You have lovely wife. Both very pretty.

You have lovely wife. Both very pretty.

I prefixed 'hearse' with 'puppy'

Garbage Day!

I'm going to have to turn my back on you.

No sleep?! NO SLEEP! WOOO!!

-- A duck can quack, but so can I, but I cannot taste like a duck in the way that a duck can.

If I were to make a laundry detergent that was especially good at protecting colours, I would call it Martin Lather King Jr.

wishes he were an elephant so he could stuff food in his mouth with his nose.

Oh, hello. Didn't see you come in. I am not sorry I'm naked. You probably are though.

At least the CSS update will get me away from my compueter a little more.