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Everything posted by Wolfsblood

  1. As do I my friend. I really loved playing that game. Not surprising that of the first 6 characters I made in that game, 5 were female. I did end up making 2 more guy ones for Nightfall, but one was a paragon who had wings and a skirt so I'm not sure that counted, lol! I miss gaming with others. I miss gaming in general though. :/
  2. Thank you. I am an old CS:S player; bullet magnet really. Played a lot of other games, but most were single player. Did play Guild Wars with several GC people years ago though. There was a lot of soul searching that went into the transition. Was it worth it to blow up my life in my late 40's? The short answer in hindsight was "yes". I very much doubt that I would have survived this long had I not. Now, I see a path toward a future. What that will look like is not clear at all, I am more comfortable, confident in the things I do, and I finally have some small measure of patience to let my kids, be kids without blowing up because they aren't following directions. And yea, I am happier.
  3. Hi everyone! I know I haven't been around much, but a lifetime ago I was a regular on the forums, and in the servers. I have had the pleasure of meeting many of you in person at the various Frag Fests I went to over the years. Many others I knew from the CS:S servers, and here on the forums. I made many friends here over the years, and am glad to have had the opportunity to do so. What nobody here knew though, is that what the world saw was a mask. A costume that I wore out of fear and shame. Today, that mask has been removed, and that costume has been removed. I am finally myself. I am Wolfsblood. I have always *been* Wolfsblood. I will always *BE* Wolfsblood. I am also a transgender woman. It took me 45 years, and a friend I met online to finally put all of the scattered pieces of my life together, and answer the riddle of "who am I?" I began my transition at 48 years old, and as of today, I have been on hormone replacement therapy (hrt) for just over one year, and have been living full time as a woman for 8 months, though I started living part time 3 months prior. Saying that I've been "living" full time is actually a fairly accurate statement, as before i only existed for the most part. Now I am me, and the world sees me, for the most part, the way I see myself. This transition ended my marriage; which wasn't a surprise, but we've been able to remain friends and have a better relationship today than we did when we were together. We just no longer work as a romantic couple, and therefore it made little sense to stay together in a marriage that would have ended anyway, with us likely hating each other. My children like me better now because I'm not a donkey all the time. (Yes, I typed donkey, ) For those of you that I met at the last couple of Frag Fests at Black Wolf Hall, I'm still running the same rig, and still running Linux, which means most of my games still don't run natively, but I'm hoping to finally get a stable dual boot for Windows and Linux so I can get back to gaming; especially Mass Effect, both the original trilogy, as well as Andromeda. (FemShep is the only Commander Shepard. ) Once that happens, I hope to be able to rejoin the gaming community. Love to you all, Wolfsblood p.s. I'm attaching a couple of pics. One before transition, one from March 25, 2017; the day I hit one year on hormones.
  4. Oh Dragon, my heart goes with you. I know depression well. He's been a constant, if unwelcome companion for the last 4 decades of my life. i bookmarked your gofundme page, and will chip in what I can, when I can. I agree with Shaft, and think you're making the right decision in getting out of where you are now. A change of scenery might be exactly what you need, and the Rockies are truly stunning. Safe travels my friend, and remember; depression is a liar. I constantly have to remind myself of that. Wolfsblood.
  5. I cannot make it this year. There have been major life changes this past year, and financially it's just not in the budget. In fact, there's not much that IS in my budget for the foreseeable future. I'll post the details in the Chit Chat section. Things aren't bad, but they're drastically different than they were before. I do hope to make a triumphant return though. I'm still excellent at catching bullets with my face.
  6. I do not know. Things are very sketchy right now, and I do not know if it will be possible. I sooooooo want to come, but I cannot commit to anything right now. It is always such a wonderful time, and I hate to miss it. For now, I'll say maybe, but it seems very unlikely. I will update as I figure out more of what my year will look like. This should be an absolutely huge year for me, but it may leave me with no spending money at all.
  7. Thanks for checking back in Skye. I'e been thinking about you and hoping things were going well for you. I know it can be difficult, but try to stay positive. Don't let strangers tear you down, or try to define who you are. You know who you are in your heart. I sent you a pm on facepalm, so if you didn;t see it, check your other folder. Stay strong sister, and focus on being *you*. Ignorant people are everywhere, but that doesn't mean you have to give them the time of day.
  8. One more thing, while it's true that this event started as a CS gathering, the focus is decidedly not on CS. True, there are CS servers up all the time, but there are so many people who go who never play CS. Many games are played, and only some of those are computer/console based. People are always bringing board and card games, and there's almost always, if not always a poker game or two during the weekend.
  9. October could very well be a go this year for me. This summer is completely shot for me. Between vacations, and dramatic changes to the family dynamic has meant that not only has disposable income been disposed of, but attendence at family events is more important than ever this year. I know where that hotel is, and it's right off of a turnpike exit, and interstate highway. Might even be able to drag my neighbor this year since it won't conflict with Pennsic War.
  10. Very likely I cannot do the weekend of the 18th. :/ I am very interested in coming again though. I have a buddy who wanted to come last year, but he had a conflict that weekend. I'll let him know.
  11. LOVE their concerts! Also love the music, but I'm a metalhead at heart. I often wish they were louder though. Was this the East coast group with Chris Caffery, or the West coast one?
  12. Congrats dude! That is awesome!
  13. Depression can be an all-consuming and crushing weight. I do not believe there is a "cure". There is only treatment, and I'm not talking specifically about drugs, or self-medicating. Treeatment can be, as Preacher said, simply being a friend to someone. You may never know what life you may save with your friendship. If you're lucky, they may confide in you at some point, but even more likely is that they will never tell you that you were the person who kept them from falling into that pit of despair which they felt no way out of. Like Preacher mentioned the "funny" people have almost universally suffered from some form of depression. I think that their struggles may be the reason that they work so hard to make others laugh. Maybe they are able to share in the joy that others feel, if only for a short time. It is sad to lose someone like Robin Williams. No matter what role he played on tv, or in the movies, he always made the view feel something. He brought out emotions in people. Above and beyond that, you never read about him being mean to anyone, or any group of people. He spent a lot of time, effort and money working for and with charitible organizations. My heart breaks for his family and close friends. If we, who are strangers to him have felt this saddened at his death, it must be that much worse for those who knew him personally and loved him personally. RIP Robin, the world is a better place because you existed.
  14. No Walkingcat, it's all the earthquakes we get here in Ohio. 'Zilla, if you lost your ssd bracket that came with your case, just steal Jack's. He'll never notice it.
  15. I finally decided to pick this up. I initially voted "no" on the poll, but having played it a bit, i would play on the server. i don't think I'll ever like it as much as I loved UT2k3 and 2k4, but it has possibilities.
  16. What!?! This cannot be! Are they a newly discovered plant?
  17. ahhhh, thank you. i wondered if the gc_ was community related. Probably just me, but awpmap doesn't sound like a fun time. awpless map on the other hand, yep. I guess I just miss the scopeless server, though since it's been gone this long and not been brought back It would appear that I'm in the minority.
  18. What do the prefixes mean? I know de_ cs_ and Scoutz (btw I hate scoutz, but whatever) What are fy_ awp_ gc_ aim_ and ttank_?
  19. The photos of you are being kept under their pillows.... so they never have to sleep without you. Shaftiel Well, that is a comforting thought.
  20. And still no pics of me. Now if only i was that elusive for the traffic cameras, lol!
  21. And here is where a Scopeless server might come in handy again. The AWP'ers won't hang out in it becauise they can't snipe people from across the map, but the new players, those from the L4D2 side and rusty players like me would be able to relearn the maps, and the basics of the game in an atmosphere that is friendlier. In my experience the MAyhem server (Scopless) had far more teamwork than I ever saw in the stock pub server. Also as i said in another post, the tone of the server was far more friendly. I know we would need people to lead that server and with the former leads Unclean, Clueless, Kruten and most of the rest no longer playing and in all but Clue's case absent from the community it may be hard to get leads, but I think the option should be explored.
  22. i gave it some love. I enjoyed playing on it recently.
  23. I still follow when someone calls a strat, the porblem is few if any do. Followed you Fatty right to a plant and win that day were on together tuning up for FFO14. I wasn't using my mic that night because the other days I'd used it, nobody responded to me so i thought it wasn't working. It's probably a good thing i didn't use my mic because when I was the last T alive right before I left, and didn't see the ct in time, had I known then my mic worked I probably would have been banned for lightintg up the fools who slagged me. I don't know who they were, but I certainly hope they weren't GC. "How did you not see him??? What are you doing with your life???" Really. That last one angered me the most. Even if Unclean had said it to me back in the day in jest, I still would have been miffed. As for laughing and having a good time, the mood on the CSGO server when I've been on is very much like it was on Recrud. That (and the no scopes) was a HUGE reason I stuck to Project Mayhem. You want to talk about a server having fun? That was it. The closest I've seen to that atmosphere is on Custom Map Night. Other than that, it's all AWP's all the time, and little interaction. TbT and Queen Tiffilicious, and darn it, there is another admin who has been on a lot recently when I've been on who have been good, but even when I call where I'm going with the bomb almost nobody goes with me, and really, it's suicide and bad form to go plant with no backup.
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