Peckles

Sometimes I regret getting a dresser when being undressed is way more fun.

Deodorant is made in olfactories

When a zoologist needs to to his taxes, he consults his adder.

If excrement is poop, increment is food

Calm a llama down, calm a llama deep down in the ocean blue

I'm very stinky. (using my pre-existing stinkiness as the initial value of not quite as stinky)

I'll make my OWN FragFest! With Blackjack! And..ahh, screw it.

Don't think I would buy a pickup truck. I'm just not that flirty.

Slept on my neck funny. Think I'll try sleeping on my bed tonight.

"We have this chicken. It's 6 feet tall, and it's supposed to talk, but doesn't. Could you take a look at it?" Sometimes I get asked weird questions at work...

If you can think of anything more tedious than editing hours of audio related to occupational health and safety, please share it with me because I could really use the perspective

After trying on countless shoes, I finally found a frontrunner.

I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember

Cribs should be called 'childberths'

Rich people are rude because someone else minds their manors

I didn't go outside today. Is there weather?

Province changed its liquor laws to allow serving of alcohol at bars during the gold medal game. If that doesn't win votes, I don't know what will.

Ball peen hammers are great, because they have the words 'ball' and 'peen', and have the added benefit of actually being a hammer.

Leftovers: A great way to not waste food and be lazy at the same time

It said 'scotch' on the label, but I swear it tasted like tape

Cattle Bruiser operational

Geysers are like girlsers except they get all over the seat

I love my bed. When I'm on it, nothing else mattress.

Ran out of pens. The pigs are everywhere.

Welcome to the Sar Chasm. We're sooo glad you're here.