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Peckles

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Status Updates posted by Peckles

  1. Peckles

    When bleached hair grows out, it looks like an old banana.

  2. Peckles

    I rubbed my butt on Oprah's couch today.

    1. Biggs

      Biggs

      That's what I'd call grand l'arse'eny

    2. boiler

      boiler

      iswydt

  3. Peckles

    Homeless horses are unstable.

    1. Biggs

      Biggs

      Could you then say, homeless hobbits are unholy?

    2. MPG1770

      MPG1770

      Neigh

    3. Lookback

      Lookback

      Do they ignite with too much power demand?

  4. Peckles

    I screwed up while making bread. Guess I didn't knead it enough.

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      Dough!

    2. Biggs

      Biggs

      You shouldn't have been loafing around so much.

    3. JackieChan

      JackieChan

      These bread puns are a bit stale.

  5. Peckles

    I should work in a funeral home, because I can't stop coffin.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Kuma

      Kuma

      Well, you don't want dead people calling in

    3. Biggs

      Biggs

      That joke was ap'pall'ing

    4. Peckles

      Peckles

      I urned the criticism.

  6. Peckles

    Merecats are quite humble.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. boiler

      boiler

      Eh, I give this joke 2 Peklz out of 5 Peklz. Not your best work, but everyone has an off day.

    3. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      Wait.. there are more than 1 Peckles out there?!

    4. boiler

      boiler

      No, it's just the Peklz rating system, PRS if you will.

  7. Peckles

    If you don't like these pebbles, we can find you some alternative rock.

    1. lousiest

      lousiest

      hehe :)

  8. Peckles

    I dunno who made this shirt, because it seams weird.

    1. Biggs

      Biggs

      Boo

    2. TheLaw

      TheLaw

      Well I like it :)

  9. Peckles

    A rhino charged me. It wasn't cheap.

    1. MPG1770

      MPG1770

      I got stung by a bee, he charged me $75 fir a jar of honey

  10. Peckles

    SO my doctor told me my platelet count was high, but I have plenty of regular sized dishes too.

  11. Peckles

    Oh, you want to join my peeing contest? You're in!

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Biggs

      Biggs

      I think you put the emphasis on the wrong excretion.

    3. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      Prepare to be impressed Peckles.

    4. Peckles

      Peckles

      Been preparing my whole life. Hasn't happened yet.

  12. Peckles

    New headphones arrived. Friday night is spoken for.

    1. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      Some wine, a candle light dinner... just you and your new headphones... so romantic

  13. Peckles

    I was accused of being a draft-dodger. But really, I just don't like wind.

  14. Peckles

    According to the Love Calculator, I have a 17% chance of having a successful relationship with myself.

    1. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      Your hand might have some jealousy issues.

    2. Fairweather

      Fairweather

      pickling is such a slippery process

  15. Peckles

    It's no use, Mr. James. It's turtles all the way down.

  16. Peckles

    Winter ales are coming.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Madvillain

      Madvillain

      Winter ales are my favorite seasonals, with fall in a close 2nd.

    3. yErMoTH3r

      yErMoTH3r

      great lakes christmas ale (aka christmas crack) ftw

    4. Biggs

      Biggs

      Where's my Eggnog Ale?

  17. Peckles

    I got banned from church. Guess I'm non-parishable.

    1. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      Wow. That one made me cringe

  18. Peckles

    I had a dream where Pat Sajak told me I was ugly.

    1. TheLaw

      TheLaw

      Hahaha

    2. Lookback

      Lookback

      How does that make you feel?

    3. Biggs

      Biggs

      I have a dream where Peckles tells me I am purty.

  19. Peckles

    Sore throat. Need whisky.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. crasx

      crasx

      Tennessee honey

    3. MPG1770

      MPG1770

      I know a hot Toddy

    4. Lookback

      Lookback

      Ask Dude for some Golschlager!

  20. Peckles

    I don't wish to alarm you, but I'm naked under these clothes.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. MPG1770

      MPG1770

      It's so cold here in England, I may need you to send me those clothes.

    3. Fairweather

      Fairweather

      sexy

       

    4. Biggs

      Biggs

      Too obvious

  21. Peckles

    After a bar fight, always check the stool for blood.

  22. Peckles

    Pool is a weird game. You have to get rid of every other ball so the white ball can hit the black ball without witnesses.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Biggs

      Biggs

      He could take the 5th ball

    3. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      You are playing it wrong. There are two types of balls, ones that understand the need to put the black ball in its place, and those that need to be 'removed'. The second type tend to have stripes, and from what I have heard, eat babies dipped in mayo.

    4. Peckles

      Peckles

      Mayo?! YUCK

  23. Peckles

    I keep hearing feeble pleas for help coming from my basement. Really need to work on my knots.

    1. Biggs

      Biggs

      Want to go bowline?

  24. Peckles

    Went to an animal preserve. It went well on my toast.

    1. Biggs

      Biggs

      oh man.. that was good.

    2. lousiest

      lousiest

      lmao!

  25. Peckles

    Read a book about cemeteries. The plot was great.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Peckles

      Peckles

      This is grave news indeed...

    3. MPG1770

      MPG1770

      Why, have you missed your deadline?

    4. JackieChan

      JackieChan

      This joke needs to be buried.

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