Peckles

In Canada, it's 'Hodour'.

If you're looking for the quickest way to achieve a thigh gap, it's no more complicated than chopping off one of your legs

I can't wait to have kids because goats are awesome

"Will you be having kids at the wedding?" "No, I think we'll wait until after..."

Whenever I wear pants my legs run out of breath

A rope will save the fire from despots and no desk can solve the snake

I filmed myself watching a recording of myself watching Inception.

I didn't check my pockets before washing my clothes. Now the police are after me for laundering money.

Some people are lactose intolerant. I am intolerant of people that lack toes.

My doctor said my platelet count was too high, so I told my dishes to start using contraceptives.

I don't want to alarm you, but I'm naked under these clothes.

You know what your baby looks like? Every other freaking baby.

I lost interest in politics when discovered a stimulus package wasn't what I thought it was.

Oh look, a new song! http://www.oatpoets.com/monthlydouble.html

I'd go to Thailand, but it sounds too formal.

Toilet paper is more effective than paper toilet.

I often walk around the house naked, until the neighbours chase me inside.

Saw a puppy dressed as a 50s gangster. It was fedorable.

Yay! New song! It's about getting an arrow to the knee! http://www.oatpoets.com/monthlydouble.html

Went for a walk. It was delicious.

My pen exploded. The pigs were everywhere.

Oscars? The only Oscar I care about is the grouchy one.

Bacteria, nausea, and diarrhea all rhyme. Song detected.

I hate when I can read my coaster because it means my beer hasn't arrived yet.

I contemplated getting a third monitor, but really, who needs that many lizards?