stutters December 1, 2006 Share stutters GC Alumni December 1, 2006 not sure where to begin. there's nothing linear about this. i've been with my girlfriend for ~2.5 years (+/- .5 year), and things are groovy. she's nothing like me (thank god), and i'm nothing like her. i snowboard, she shops at boutiques. i skateboard, she doesn't take public transit. i listen to hip hop, she goes to operas. somehow, it's lasted 2.5 years more than i ever expected, and things keep getting better. she's a keeper, and she can't get rid of me. just under a year ago, her sister was diagnosed with cancer. most cases are given a 3% survival, and the other 97% are terminal within 2 years. i think there are 4 "stage" of terminal patients, and she's "stage" 4, which ain't good. between treatments and side effects, she's lost most of her motor skills and needs 24 hour care. her mom's been that 24/7 caregiver, and since i've got the other daughter here, and their dad isn't "very helpful," there's no one there to support her mom or help out. her mom and dad moved from boston to minneapolis within the past year, and giving 24/7 care makes it hard for them to make a social or support circle. the physical and emotional toll on her mom is devastating; she looks and sounds like she's aged 10 years in the past 10 months. christine is insanely (like literally) close to her mom, and she's been having a tough time standing by watching both of them deteriorate. about 6 months ago, we went to minneapolis for a visit. burt's (her sister's nickname) kinda put on some weight as a side effect of the steroids she's on, so her frail mom can't move her too much. i took her on some extreme wheelchairin', then off to the metrodome for a twins game, another session of urban wheelchair assault, then home. she had fun, we had fun, and her mom had a break. anyways, i'm finally up for my transfer out of the (crappy) california community college system, and off to a big 4 year (good) california university. i grew up in michigan, and had no choice but to enroll in community college before going to a university (stupid michigan education standards didn't make the grade). i had applications out to california polytechnic, st. mary's of california, and university of california at berkeley. since the cost of living out here is so absurd, and neither christine or i have much going on outside of school, we kicked around the idea of moving to minneapolis to help out her mom and hang out with her sister. out of nowhere, and as a long shot, i applied to some place called the university of st. thomas. the school kinda fell outta nowhere. i looked into it more, and turns out their business and econ program is insane. it's up there with haas @ berkeley. my mom survived breast cancer when i was a kid. at the time, i wasn't going to have anything to do with it. parents are indestructible. if they can't fight it, what in the hell could i do? i mean really, they taught me everything i know. so if they can't figure it out, how can i? i was deathly scared of death, and her cancer becoming terminal, and just couldn't deal. like a coward, i fully detached myself from it. thankfully, my mom did beat it, and i've since grown up. well this time around, it's not me, it's not my mom, it's not my sister, but in a way, it kinda is. it's kinda funny how heavy stuff shakes at you and tests you. i'm not much of a churchie, but really out of nowhere, i started going a few months ago, been praying for some clarity, hoping for some strength, and wishing that i'd get a lil' help on what i should do. i mean, i got accepted to some pretty good schools, but hadn't heard from st. thomas. if i did, i wasn't sure what i'd do. i've been working the past couple years to get into these schools, not st. thomas. christine an.d i started to talk about it some more, but neither of us wanted to get ahead of our options. but again, out of nowhere, things started to seem pretty clear. if i got accepted to st. thomas, there really wouldn't be any option but to go there, get my education, get christine close to her family, and help out however i can. and of the reasons i had to stay in california started to pale in comparison. well, i got my acceptance letter this morning from st. thomas. classes start january 29. i think i'm going to get more than just an education out there, and i can't wait. i'll be moving mid january, have a mandatory trip to tahoe before then, plus am going to see my family at my sister's place in colorado for christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymo December 1, 2006 Share anonymo Member December 1, 2006 Holy crap! Good on ya mutters...not much I think I can say that you probably don't already know. Good luck with the move and good luck with leaving Tahoe for a while (I couldn't). Of course I'll speak for everyone here when I say you've got a small army of hearts and minds backing you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke December 1, 2006 Share MrDuke Member December 1, 2006 You're a good man, Stutters!! The measure of a man is not by his words, but by his actions. I know Christine and her family are grateful for your intentions and actions... and the warm and fuzzies you get for doing it are just frosting on the cake. Gold star on the GC fridge for you. Although it is far,far down on the priority list, I thought I would mention that you are now within range of FragFest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raw-C December 1, 2006 Share Raw-C Member December 1, 2006 Good luck out there John, hope everything turns out as well as it can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracid December 2, 2006 Share Tracid Member December 2, 2006 That's incredible, good luck at St. Thomas and enjoy spending time with future in-laws ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mohawk December 2, 2006 Share mohawk Member December 2, 2006 It's funny how things end up.. and how when a path opens up in front of you, it just feels right. Good luck my friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witt December 2, 2006 Share witt Member December 2, 2006 You're a stand-up guy SJ. We don't have much in the way of mountains here in the midwest, but I'm sure you'll keep yourself entertained when you're not busy. Chicago isn't exactly close, but if you end up in the city for some reason give me a shout. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brew December 2, 2006 Share Brew Member December 2, 2006 we kicked around the idea of moving to minneapolis to help out her mom and hang out with her sister. out of nowhere, and as a long shot, i applied to some place called the university of st. thomas. the school kinda fell outta nowhere. i looked into it more, and turns out their business and econ program is insane. it's up there with haas @ berkeley. well we Minnesotans welcome ya buddy! St. Thomos eh? thats a lot of $$$. good school tho. i myself only partied there , but i had some friends attend ST and they both loved it. GL man and see ya in MN current temp: 15F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stutters December 2, 2006 Author Share stutters GC Alumni December 2, 2006 current temp: 15Flol i just ordered my new helly hansen double down jacket. i was complaining about it being in the mid 30s during the day here. i'm in trouble, i know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymo December 4, 2006 Share anonymo Member December 4, 2006 Although it is far,far down on the priority list, I thought I would mention that you are now within range of FragFest. I think that's a given...he's "attack early in the morning, hog tie and throw into duke's trunk" close Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discom December 4, 2006 Share discom Member December 4, 2006 Stutters is coming to Minneapolis?? O_o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjester December 4, 2006 Share benjester Member December 4, 2006 You're a great guy SJ. Good luck at St. Thomas. on a side note, Witt, I was just down near chi-town this weekend... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke December 4, 2006 Share MrDuke Member December 4, 2006 Although it is far,far down on the priority list, I thought I would mention that you are now within range of FragFest. I think that's a given...he's "attack early in the morning, hog tie and throw into duke's trunk" close I've upgraded to a conversion van. More leg (body and torso) room... Nothing is as embarrassing as when you pay your toll change and a leg is sticking out of the back of the light blue Chevy Caprice (that I no longer drive and has been sterilized of all evidence and is for sale for $100, as is). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whudats December 4, 2006 Share whudats Member December 4, 2006 SJ - God speed on the move and your other travels. He's got a path for everybody, and He helps you find your way with a nudge or a poke every now and then. Good luck man. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family (they definitely qualify as family!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stutters December 5, 2006 Author Share stutters GC Alumni December 5, 2006 the girlfriend is having some serious anxiety about this, which scares the crap out of me. neither of us can really afford a cross-country move, so i've been taking on all sorts of random web design, search engine optimization, and networking projects between work and classes as an impromptu fund raiser. i'm getting like 4 hours of sleep / night, so i know i'm not exactly on my best, most understanding social behavior. what she's said: - i don't want to go home to watch my sister die. - this could carry on long after you (me) graduate school. - i'm going to hate (and she means it to the definition of hate) living in the cold. - i (she) feels like there are things i (she) hasn't been able to do in san francisco yet. - i don't know what we should do. i really don't know how to respond to her. well, no, i know what i want to say, but also know what i shouldn't say. i mean, we've already discussed this, and at one point reached a decision. i've since set the gears in motion (2 weeks notice to work, declared intent to register @ st thomas, working nearly 24x7). before i got my letter, we both just started acting like and assuming we were going. when the letter came, i took her out to dinner and let her talk. by the end of dinner, there we both agreed to going. part of me thinks she's just going through a natural anxiety. part of me thinks she's serious, and really doesn't want to go. part of me thinks she's being selfish, and putting her immediate wants (weather, location, etc) over the needs of her mom and sister. *sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke December 5, 2006 Share MrDuke Member December 5, 2006 what she's said: - i don't want to go home to watch my sister die. - this could carry on long after you (me) graduate school. - i'm going to hate (and she means it to the definition of hate) living in the cold. - i (she) feels like there are things i (she) hasn't been able to do in san francisco yet. - i don't know what we should do. - Nobody wants to watch it but if you love someone, you'll endure hurt to help them anyway you can. It's the fear of the unknown and hurt that is the inhibitor. It's natural. Acknowledging that may help. - Yes it might and it also might not. You can't worry about 'what ifs' and hypotheticals. - Can't really help you here. It's a short-term sacrifice for a long term goal. It's called a sacrifice for a reason. - There are things I haven't done in San Fran either <waits for all the jokes>. You can always go back and visit. - There is no handbook in life, you play it as it comes. Who benefits if you (collective) leave, who benefits if you stay? Who get's hurt if you leave, who gets hurt if you stay? Be rational. I think she knows you can't turn back now so I wouldn't mention anything about what you stand to lose/gain/change. It sounds like she's overstimulated and afraid so some kind words and rational explanations/plans coming from you would be helpful. Fear of the unknown creates indecisiveness. Do your best to answer the unknowns and dispel the what ifs. If that doesn't work, I can always come out there for and offer a forceful relocation package. The van has a new interior and fresh paint!! In an unrelated note, I'm filing a suit against Billy Bob and Oxiclean for false advertising. It does NOT remove blood from upholstery as the commercial states. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymo December 6, 2006 Share anonymo Member December 6, 2006 Hang in there Stutts...Sounds like some serious anxiety, but I think everyone knows what has to happen. Remind her that it doesn't have to be permanent, as much as it may appear so. Also I can take pictures of my neighbourhood in February if it will make Minnesota look warm... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfsblood December 9, 2006 Share Wolfsblood Member December 9, 2006 Hang in there Stutts...Sounds like some serious anxiety, but I think everyone knows what has to happen. Remind her that it doesn't have to be permanent, as much as it may appear so. Also I can take pictures of my neighbourhood in February if it will make Minnesota look warm... I'm not sure there much of anything south of the North Pole that makes Minnesota look warm in the winter. Anyway Stutters, I agree with what Duke said above. She sounds like she's scared of the unknown. We are all scared of the unknown at times. It is difficult, and yes, painful to be in that situation. However; the worst *may* not come to pass. Also, you two will be together, and she'll be with her family. Trust me, if the worst does come to pass and she has decided to stay in San Fran rather than go to Minn, she will regret not being there forever. A cross country move is tough enough under the best circumstances, but at least you be near family, so you both can get, as well as give support. Hard for me to say what you guys should do when I don't know what I would do in the same situation, since I haven't been faced with it. Hard for me to say to pray about it, when I seldom do so, but when I have, I think I've made the choice I've needed to make. You guys, and her family will be in our prayers. God Bless. Wolfsblood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3vil December 22, 2006 Share 3vil Member December 22, 2006 my dad passed away 7/30/2006 from stage 4 liver cancer.let her know i know what she is going to and going thru.they up side is that he is no longer in pain and in a better place.if she doesn't go,she will kick herself and you for not taking a chance.gl hf bro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stutters June 19, 2007 Author Share stutters GC Alumni June 19, 2007 after a week of noticeable decline, they scheduled allison for an immediate MRI. the results just came back, and after a period of dormancy, the area surrounding the tumor has grown and continues to swell. they didn't go so far as to say the tumor has grown, but they did say there's no additional treatment, and they've given her 6 months. any thoughts/prayers/ for her and the family's courage and comfort would be greatly appreciated. -sj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akaM2 June 19, 2007 Share akaM2 Member June 19, 2007 sorry to hear that my prayers go out to her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magruter June 19, 2007 Share Magruter Member June 19, 2007 you got, thoughts/prayers sent up to big guy above. It's hard to make this experience positive, but value the time you have left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymo June 19, 2007 Share anonymo Member June 19, 2007 my thoughts and prayers go out to Allison, her family and yourself SJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke June 19, 2007 Share MrDuke Member June 19, 2007 I'm sorry Stutters. I'll pray for clarity to reminisce about the good times, strength to suppress the hurt while making these few months as meaningful as possible, and grace for all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brew June 19, 2007 Share Brew Member June 19, 2007 im sorry to hear this news... thoughts/prayers go out to you guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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