Hello everyone!

[Xoul]

It has been a very long time since I've made a post. I've had a lot of really screwed up things happen in my life recently. Honestly, I kinda feel hopeless at my situation but i always keep trying to fight through any problems. At the end of July 2009 my wife left me for an older man. He is around 25 years older than her and I both. I can't really understand the reasons why, because I make more money than he, and he is a raging alcoholic. I've even heard from her family that he beats her. At any rate I am going to lose the house I was buying because she liked paying the bills, stopped paying them and hid it for so long i couldn't ever catch it up. we have a 3 year old daughter together and it scares me that this guy could be touching her because of the age difference of my ex. Whats 20 more years huh?? She isn't even my ex. yet, i filed for divorce in like October and we haven't even been to court. I just feel like my life is in ruins. I have an 89k dollar loan on a house with only 1 year of payments, and its 1 year behind. I don't know what to do... honestly. I'm so confused at life but I just keep walking forward. I just can't help but think that my life is going to be screwed up because I gave my heart, my hopes, and all my dreams to someone... And they just stomped on them.

Edited April 16, 2010 by Xoul

[mookie]

Do whatever you can to get your daughter away from her. If her family says he beats her, maybe they'd be willing to take her in. If they're really sympathetic, maybe the two of you could stay with them while you get your housing sorted out. If she has custody when you get your time in court, I have a hard time believing she won't end up with custody afterwards. You've got a lot of your life left in front of you. Even if your savings are gone, you've got your life and your job.

[[LaW]Maverick]

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear things are going so rough . . . life is like that sometimes; I mean, I'm not pretending I can directly relate to what you're going through, but you have to know that a lot of people still care about you, and life will get better.

 

And, if you're feeling down, there's nothing quite like hopping online and blowing away virtual bad guys in CS, I mean, just picture each one as a problem and pull the virtual trigger. Hehe...sorry, games are how I unwind from stressful situations.

 

We're all hear for you though! Let us know if there's any way we can help!

[Windex]

I think that was life's way of saying you're walking down the wrong path, Do everything you can to save your daughter from that situation and give her the best life possible. Fortunately right now there are a lot of breaks being given on the housing side of things. Sit down with a mortgage counselor and explain your situation. They can usually refinance for you and give you a clean slate, your payments might go up a little bit (150-300) but it will at least buy you a month or two before your next payment so you can get things in line, 2nd job if you have to. Just don't let this keep you down, there are other women I think u just ended up with the wrong one. Use the love of your daughter to motivate you to do what you gotta do and keep moving forward. Let me know if I can do anything to help or shoot me a PM if you just need some extra advice..

[Xterminator]

Hey Xoul, it's nice to hear from you. I wish it was under better circumstances but nevertheless it's good to hear from you. I agree with the guys above. You need to get your daughter as far away from your wife and that man as possible. If you have some sort of proof that he's beating her, that will come in handy if you need to work out a custody agreement.

 

I can't imagine what you're going through but you have to move forward for your daughter's sake. Use her as motivation and keep going forward. It's times like these where loved ones can be a big help. Dont forget you have plenty of friends right here at GC

[anonymo]

First, I would suggest being as honest with her as possible. Ask her all the questions you feel you need answered if you can, for your sake. Once you feel you have it cleared up (somewhat, doubt it's possible to really make sense of all this) cut all ties, permanently. Demand custody of your daughter, don't think that should be a problem as mookie said. Speak with a debt consultant (and not one that advertises on TV) about managing your mortgage. Seek alimony, there's no shame in it.

 

Above all, remember this isn't the end of the world, you'll get through this stronger than you were before. Seek out close friends for support as they will no doubt be integral to getting you back on your feet. We're all here to support our GC brothers and sisters so don't hesitate to vent/ask for help if you need it.

[EbilDustBunny]

Hey Xoul, it's been awhile, I wish things were better for you... Stay strong man for your daughter and yourself... Like mo said "it's not the end of the world..." You're a smart young guy! Think of what's best for you and your daughter to help guide your actions. If you don't already, spend as much time as you can with your daughter, taking her to play dates, pick her up from daycare, doctors appointments... if you get evaluated for custody rights to be the primary parent, things like that will most likely help.

 

GC will definitely be here if you need someone to talk to.

[YoMamma]

I'm glad to hear how positive you sound about the future Xoul. Life almost never works out the way anybody plans it. Some people have to overcome tougher obstacles to finally find what they are looking for and sometimes, even though things seem to be at an end, a new beginning is waiting for you just around the corner.

[lousiest]

Happy birthday Xoul

[EbilDustBunny]

yes happy b_day!

[NOFX]

Sorry to hear about the crappy situation. Although I didn't get as screwed as you, I can relate. Last month my girl left me for someone on a totally different level than myself.. I could compare all day, but it doesn't matter. Money, success, where you have been and what you've done doesn't matter. What you have done for that person doesn't matter either. All you can leave with is knowing that you gave it your all and it didn't work. In my opinion it was a major downgrade, but hey.. if thats what she wants, I can't get mad at her for being true to herself. Maybe they are both on the same level and are right for each other..

 

I can say that it does suck to see that someone after 3 years will immediately jump to someone else after leaving you. All that does is prove that she never cared anyway and the latter part of the relationship was just a lie... My only regret is that I hung up my BS detector and never thought she'd screw me over, but I'm chalking it up as a lesson learned. Hey man, just keep your head up and try to only think of the positive sides of the situation. A women who is hiding that she hasn't been paying the bills for a year isn't really a person I'd consider to a partner in crime.