Sounds like you are really struggling right now. I have not been following this, or even known about your situation before now. However, I would suggest that you take a moment and just stop, take a deep breath and just let it out. Sit down in a quite place and try to think about who you are, distance yourself from the hurt and confusion. Just quietly, in a detached, non judgmental way, think about yourself and what you want. What are you after, whats your goal? If it helps you can write your thoughts down. DO NOT belittle yourself, its fine to note areas where you can improve, but its not ok to use them as weapons against yourself. This is not the time to reflect on the past, or relive old hurts. What you are doing is taking stock of who you are NOW, and what you want to be in the FUTURE. Once you know who you are now, and what you want to become, you just need to find out how to connect the dots to get there.
Trying to commit suicide twice this last week is not a good use of your time lol . But seriously, this is about what makes you happy and what makes you... you. If what you want is to be a woman, then go be a woman. Hold your head up and smile, you can change your weight, you can change your gender, you can be the person you see yourself as. It will be a long, hard, painful journey, but at the end of the road you will be the person you feel you are meant to be. Conversely, if you decide that being a man isn't so bad, there is absolutely no shame in changing your mind. Who you are is not determined by your gender, or sexual preference.
Shaftiel