Wow!!

[Laz.e.rus]

If you are like me, when you hear the word "poetry" you either run away, or view it with the enthusiasm of your G/F's new chic flick she just brought home.

 

HOWEVER;

 

My girl Mindy writes poetry. And shes good at it. She wrote this one this afternoon, and I liked it so much, I had to post it and brag that MY girlfriend Mindy wrote this today.

 

Trust me ... read it.

 

 

In the beginning there was Void.

Void was God.

It breathed us out

as perfect shards

of this psychedelic masterpiece

called life.

 

I am of a lightwalker tribe

of the miraculous moontime,

pregnant with thoughts of eternity.

Yet spit into a flesh machine

against the blue-green skin

on this monster

of a dazzling sphere.

 

I am drunk on the power

of the astral wind that blows hard

on a revolutionary door,

demanding peace.

And float lightly in the air

of this macabre physicality

you drown in.

 

The last of my soul

will not disappear

up the snort of a skeleton horse,

who will deliver me to

the sharp gates

on to the tongue of the one you call Devil.

Ha! In my laughter I cannot hear

the fear or lies through the ages.

Or any other sound that would steal me

from my unending song of love.

 

I’ll still be there.

Coming back to write you

out of the rotten book

you now find yourself in.

break into imaginary fragments

the mirror of time that traps you.

Fly with you inside portals of possibility,

seas of infinite dreamtime.

 

Be anything

Be back

Forward

Be a lover on a Paris balcony

An atom on the immortal surface

of a distant exploding star.

Turn around and meet yourself

in the Egyptian room.

Then you will know what it is

to die at the dusk

and be born

pure and free

with every dawn.

 

 

 

 

 

yeah.

Wow.

Edited January 20, 2006 by Laz.e.rus

[TheGeek]

I liked everything but this "Void was God." Other than that it was pritty sweet.

[Laz.e.rus]

yeah. I think what she is getting at is there was nothingness in the beginning until "something" was created. So the only thing that could have been in existence in the nothing was the creator of the "something".

(Laz's interpretation, not a note from the author)

[TheGeek]

then its cool

[Peckles]

That's really good. I'm a lyricist myself, and that's...that's very good.

 

Hang on to that one, Laz. =P

[Saris]

Very good overall, though I'm not a TOO muh of a poetry person, I am very skilled at writing and I found even still, to be very confused. While individual sentences seemed to make sense, I couldn't seem to make connections between the verses. If your gf could at least define the topic of the poem, it would make it much easier, but to me, it seems to lack focus or continuity.

 

The wording however is great. The contrast between beautiful and harsh words creates a powerful effect of showing details in different manners about the same objects. The breaks in lines shows no problems and is used effectively as well. Overall, there's nothing to say here but compliments, especially with the powerful ending, but once again, my confusion left me feeling nothing really from this poem.

 

Of course, we all receive poems differently and maybe I've just missed something, but after reading through a good number of times, I just can't seem to put my finger on what exactly the point of it is.

 

Also, is there a word you missed in this line?

"Fly with you inside portals of possibility," It doesn't seem to make sense. I'm assuming she is referring to the person used in the poem, in which case, when she states:"Break into imaginary fragments

the mirror of time that traps you.." she has broken the focus off of that person and needs to reiterate that the person is the focus again by adding "I will" or something along those lines.

 

Taking a wild stab at the point of it, it seems to be along the lines of existentialism . . . that or God, I'd rather say the first though.

 

This is all innocent criticism from one artist to another, if you want to relate this to her. Overall, I am very impressed. I'm a writer, not a poet, and this is something I can never do.

[Laz.e.rus]

I will pass this one on to her Thx for the comments guys.

[Playaa]

definatly cool man

[Laz.e.rus]

Very good overall, though I'm not a TOO muh of a poetry person, I am very skilled at writing and I found even still, to be very confused. While individual sentences seemed to make sense, I couldn't seem to make connections between the verses. If your gf could at least define the topic of the poem, it would make it much easier, but to me, it seems to lack focus or continuity.

 

The wording however is great. The contrast between beautiful and harsh words creates a powerful effect of showing details in different manners about the same objects. The breaks in lines shows no problems and is used effectively as well. Overall, there's nothing to say here but compliments, especially with the powerful ending, but once again, my confusion left me feeling nothing really from this poem.

 

Of course, we all receive poems differently and maybe I've just missed something, but after reading through a good number of times, I just can't seem to put my finger on what exactly the point of it is.

 

Also, is there a word you missed in this line?

"Fly with you inside portals of possibility," It doesn't seem to make sense. I'm assuming she is referring to the person used in the poem, in which case, when she states:"Break into imaginary fragments

the mirror of time that traps you.." she has broken the focus off of that person and needs to reiterate that the person is the focus again by adding "I will" or something along those lines.

 

Taking a wild stab at the point of it, it seems to be along the lines of existentialism . . . that or God, I'd rather say the first though.

 

This is all innocent criticism from one artist to another, if you want to relate this to her. Overall, I am very impressed. I'm a writer, not a poet, and this is something I can never do.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Saris,

Thank you for all of your compliments. The original version Laz posted wasnt the one that had been fully editied to my own tastes, so I have went back and changed the 2 things I wanted to. I realize it is probably hard to understand because the poem is very personal to me and my specific life experience. Do you astrally project? If you do, or you at least know the basics about it, that will help ALOT with deciphering the meaning in the diffeent stanzas. The basic elements and ideas presented in each stanza are as follows:

 

If the Void was there in the very beginning and everything in the universe sprang from it...then obviously the Void was what we know of as God. I believe God is All That Is....so amazingly beautiful and powerful that trying to wrap our tiny human minds around (or fit God entirely into one book) is just ridiculous.

 

The "lightwalker tribe"...I was trying to illustrate the fact that though I am here in a human body (flesh machine), I am a simply magnificient being of light born perfect out of the "breathed out" essence of God. "Monster, blue-green skin...obviously the earth.

 

The "astral wind" refers to the light wind myself and others often feel when we have out of body experiences. "Floating lightly" this is because the astral world is not dominated by gravity... I can't fly very well yet when Im there, but I can sure float well!

"Macabre physicality".... I sometimes feel bad for people who do not project and who do not give much thought to or have hope about, the afterlife.

Once you start going out of body regularly, you know that being in the physical body is the most "dead" you will ever be.

 

Extreme religious guilt trips and fear mongering is what the skeleton horse stanza is about...people always have to create an extreme and opposite bad where there is only an extreme good. I have no doubt there is a Devil figure in existence but this is only because humans created him with thousnads of years of negative thinking and worrying. I laugh at the Devil concept because I do not want to put any energy into that. I would rather focus on Jesus, Buddha and all the other wonderful, highly evolved beings that once walked the earth. If you believe you will go to a hellish place when your physical body dies...then you will..if you believe you will go to a more heavenly type realm...then you will. Once you get out of body a few times you will realize that eveything you know, EVERYTHING, your entire conscious experience, is shaped only by your very own thoughts and beliefs. Also, you realize the enormity of the lies people have been ingraining into themselves forever. This is not how we should be...and it is not how God originally created us or wanted us to be, fear guilt and worry are our own inventions....I always say the best praise to God is living a life of pure joy.

 

The "rotten book" refers to the state alot of people fall into when the create their own negative experience. They become ill or get depressed and hopeless. I am saying that, as a being unto myself, given the opportunity I would help them...you know, open someone's mind a little. "Fly with them"-astral flying...to portals of possibility" this is because the real miracle of God truly is that we can be anything we want...we just have to believe."Mirror of time"....I use that expression to explain the uselessness of time. This is the first thing you see out of body...that time is nothing. It's a dumb physical thing...only humans use it on this plane...it does not exist anywhere else. God is timeless.

 

The "Paris balcony" part and "atom on a star" part refers to the magnificent interchangability of the energy of all that exists...essentially I was breathed out the same time as a star, the moon, Jupiter, a black hole..we are all essentially of the same substance and beauty.

 

The Egyptian culture is usually considered, by world consensus, to be one of the oldest and wisest."Meeting yourself in the Egyptian room" is finally turning around and facing yourself head on...accepting that you are wonderful and wise and letting go of all the bad to be closer with God and other humans.

 

And the last "dying at dusk...born with the dawn" thing...(oh this makes me so happy)...I now know exactly what will happen when I die...I do it anytime, if I want. When I kick the bucket, I will simply leave my unnatural state (being in the physical) and go into my more natural one...my astral body or 2nd body. When you go out at night and then come back...you just have this rejuvenated feeling when you get out of bed in the morning...a feeling of knowing that you will truly live forever, in one form or another. There is no death...only change.

 

Anyway...thanks for reading this. Love and Light.

Edited January 20, 2006 by Laz.e.rus

[Saris]

I see, so it has a touch of both. Good to know my poetry analytical skills aren't too rusty after being out of school.

[nut]

pregnant with thoughts of eternity

 

thats a good line

 

 

shes really good at poetry

 

-Rolly

[Laz.e.rus]

thats it? Thought Id get more responses I really like it.

[witt]

I didn't want to comment b/c I didn't think I had anything important to say after reading it....just made me sit and think for a minute....I'll read it again later after sinking-in has occured.

[DNA]

...and has been serveral days know, and after major conflict with in myself I have come to the conclusion that..YES...YES DNA likes it.....

[Laz.e.rus]

thats it? Thought Id get more responses I really like it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

O my Gosh! I can't believe he said that! How embarassing! He is trying to make people like my poem and I didn't even know about it. It's sweet that he is so proud of me though.

 

Anyway, thanks for the nice compliments, guys.

[J. Dunlavy]

I hate poetry, but I enjoyed that poem. That's saying something. Is she published, Laz?

[3vil]

i used to write poetry,but have not in at least 2 decades.i thoroughly enjoyed the poem and the explanation of what certain things meant.

[Laz.e.rus]

I hate poetry, but I enjoyed that poem.  That's saying something.  Is she published, Laz?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Once in an actual in-print magazine, yes she was. She still writes, and I hope she will make a full attempt to be published sometime.