my grrl

[Z3RO]

so me and my current girl friend have been going out for approximately 3 months. every thing was going really really great. then im not sure exactly what happened. at first she was going to move in with me she even had her stuff in my house and was helping with rent. she had said tht she would move all the way in once school started. this never happened in fact she packed her stuff up b4 school started so she could live at her moms. tht was fine didn't really bother me. she has an insane schedule. she goes to school from 8:30 in the morning to noon thn she goes to work from 1 to 8 thn her dance rehearsal from 8:30-11pm most nights so no real time for me except on the weekends. now we met through mutual friends girls tht ive know since high school some of her good friends. but lately she has this habit of if shes with her friends she cant talk to me see me or be with me makes me a little worried. i just dont no wut to do im basically in love with this girl and she says shes in love with me but i get the vibe tht shes in love with me till she finds some one else. i no this sounds stupid because weve only been going out for 3 months but hay wut can i say. it really tears me up inside when i call her and she doesn't awnser the phone because she went out with her friends. some one please help im really tore up about this idk wut else to say i hate the fealing like im the only one trying in the relationship. mabey im just over exasperating im just so lost grrls suc. well thanx for any advice in advance

 

 

thnxs,

z3ro

chris

[MrDuke]

Communication, Chris.

 

Does she know how tore up you are about all of this? Talk to her. You may not like what you hear, but at least you'll be able to figure out where you stand.

 

For anything in life, form your gameplan off of what you know, not what you don't know. The best plan in the world is useless if its based on inaccurate or hypothetical information.

 

Good Luck.

[shaftiel]

Well, the only advice I can give is to talk to her about it. I have found that unlike men, women like to talk about feelings and relationships. So sit down with her, tell her that you really like her alot, and that you would like to know how she feels about you. Be calm, have your thoughts orginized, and listen without prejudice to what she is saying. Do not jump to conclusions! Do not raise your voice or put her on the defensive. This relationship is in its infantsy, it is still very fragile.

 

If the answers about her feelings are possitive, then you can talk about when you can see her. You say that her schedule is very hectic. So get a calendar, and try and plot out when you two can get together. Be prepared, perhaps you could have 5 or 6 planned dates ready before you talk to her. Going to the zoo, movies, picnick, whatever. Then all its about is fitting them in to her schedule.

 

If that gos well, then you can perhaps git into her habbit of ignoring you when she is with her friends. But I might wait on that. If everything has gone well so far ending it on a sour note might not be the best idea.

 

At all times remain calm. If things do not go your way, do not yell or intimidate her. If you trully love this woman (three months is kinda fast, but who knows) then you do not want to create a chasm between you and her. Just remember that if it is ment to be it will happen. Just be patient. And if its not ment to be? Then its better to know sooner than later.

 

Hope that helped.

 

 

 

 

Shaftiel

[shaftiel]

Communication, Chris.

 

Does she know how tore up you are about all of this? Talk to her. You may not like what you hear, but at least you'll be able to figure out where you stand.

 

For anything in life, form your gameplan off of what you know, not what you don't know. The best plan in the world is useless if its based on inaccurate or hypothetical information.

 

Good Luck.

 

 

Oh sure, while I was writing a dissertation, you just go with a short, straight to the point post.

 

 

Whatever heh

 

 

 

 

Shaftiel

[Z3RO]

ive known her longer than 3 months(almost 2 years) we've just been together for three months. i really do applicate all the help. the whole her ignoring me with her friend is something new it wasn't like tht before. she used to not want to do anything unless i was able to do it to. but i did wright this before i got caffeine, now i feel better. i think i should have a caffeine iv i swear i guess its just hard for me knowing tht she would rather be doing something else rather than hanging out with me.

[J. Dunlavy]

Hate to say it, man, but in my experience of both dishing out and receiving this kind of behavior: If her friends are more important than you and she won't answer your calls when she is out, she's probably still on the market. Your instincts are usually right.

 

Don't be a victim. Talk to her and be prepared for the relationship to take a hit.

[MrDuke]

[[LaW]Maverick]

Ok...first off:

 

The girl I'm with now, I was absolutely certain that I loved her after our first date...I knew the instant I kissed her, and now we're engaged and doing well after nearly 3 years. So sometimes it can happen fast, don't let that discourage you, and don't think it strange...it CAN happen.

 

Ok, some of the sappy stuff is outta the way, I'll be straight-forward:

 

It sounds to me like 1 of 2 things are happening...or even both....;

 

1.) She felt an extreme surge of feelings for your right away, like you did yourself and went with it at first. Then, her friends talked to her 'bout it, and she got to thinking about it, and maybe now she's a little frightened by it. She feels intimidated, not ready for such a strong and committed relationship, silly for falling so fast (people think it can't happen, hence why I opened the way I did) or anything along those lines. In other words, she got a little scared. This can be overcome through communication as everyone has suggested so far, but try to figure out if this is the problem. IF it is, then it can be remedied by suggesting to take things slow (cliche I know), by talking seriously about how it is OK to have such strong feelings so quickly, etc.

 

2.) She had strong feelings, but is worried that your are stronger right now. This doesn't mean that she doesn't have strong feelings for you, just that she's worried you might have ones she's not ready for yet. That didn't come out well, but I have had this problem in relationships in the past. I felt like everything was perfect, came on too strong, and thus, screwed things up. Maybe she doesn't answer her phone when she's with her friends because she feels you're trying to control her or some such thing. (I know you're not, but that doesn't mean she doesn't think it) Or, perhaps, she doesn't answer because she feels you call too much or something along those lines...again, I'm not saying you do, just saying it's possible she thinks you do.

 

So, my advice is pretty much the same. First you have to tell her exactly how you're feeling, but don't do it in a pleading or tear-filled way (if you can avoid it). Don't be dramatic. Just say something like, "Look, I'm not sure what happened, but I have to say I've been down lately and hurt that you don't seem to want to talk to me in front of your friends, and you decided against moving without even talking about it."

 

Be straight-forward, hide nothing, but don't say things like "I can't live without you, I don't know what I'd do if you left, I would do anything for you, etc." Girls love to hear that stuff when things are going well, but when something is wrong, it makes them feel obligated to stay with you, and that's not right, nor is it healthy for the relationship. You know what I mean? I mean...if you said you'd die without someone, could they, being good people, leave you to die? No. So, like I said, don't embellish, don't lie, don't try to woo her, just tell her what's wrong, why you're feeling it, and ask her how to fix it.

 

Direct, honest, and having a few romantic dates planned couldn't hurt, but bring those up during the "how to fix it" stage.

 

All of that being said, shoot me a PM or post up if you have questions or want more advice. We're here to help ya' out man. Good luck, I'm hopin' for the best!

 

 

 

This has been another edition of Mav's 2-cents.

[Z3RO]

I RELY THANK U ALL ITS HARD NOT REALLY HAVING ANY ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT SUCH MATTERS being tht my best friend is only 16 and im truning 20 in a few weeks. i no her friends hav allot to do with it because as i sated b4 her friends where mine b4 we started dating and ive seen first hand how thy treat their friends tht dont treat their bf's like crap and according to her i ges most of them wanted to be with me :/ these where words out of her mouth not mine and i no as soon as we started dating she was getting crap form all of them. but ill talk to her tonight and lay it all out and see where we go from their nothing else i can do.

[[LaW]Maverick]

I RELY THANK U ALL ITS HARD NOT REALLY HAVING ANY ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT SUCH MATTERS being tht my best friend is only 16 and im truning 20 in a few weeks. i no her friends hav allot to do with it because as i sated b4 her friends where mine b4 we started dating and ive seen first hand how thy treat their friends tht dont treat their bf's like crap and according to her i ges most of them wanted to be with me :/ these where words out of her mouth not mine and i no as soon as we started dating she was getting crap form all of them. but ill talk to her tonight and lay it all out and see where we go from their nothing else i can do.

 

Good luck man, and don't worry about it....I'm happy to help, and I'm sure everyone else is as well :-)

 

Girls have a tendency to gang up on boyfriends when they're together....I've seen it first hand. I had a lot of friends that were girls in college. I was kinda the "nice" guy they kept on deck...man did I hate that.

 

lol

 

 

Anyway, just remember what we said, and keep your own thoughts straight. Do what feels right, and go with your gut...you'll do fine! Remember, avoid as much drama as possible! We have faith! Kick some patoot!

[Z3RO]

 

p.s. tht was who i was to all of her friends b4 we started going out.

Edited January 29, 2007 by Z3RO

[w8t4time]

If someone (a man) suggested they have figured out women and how they think all I can do is laugh because you haven't.

 

"don't think twice its all right"

 

although all relationships take work and compromise if it doesn't feel right and you can't communicate it accurately then it might be not working out?

[appalachian_fox]

Well, I don't have anything additional to add, but I also encourage open communication along the lines everyone has encouraged. The reasons why this could be happening are legion, and the only way to get a handle on it is to bring her in the loop.

 

What I wanted to say was, best of luck. Hopefully it's all a miscommunication. For what it's worth, sometimes people just need "them-time", and while it can be frustrating to have someone want it, especially when you don't understand what's going on, it can make a relationship stronger. Hopefully your conversation will give you some insight into her actions.

 

Oh, and women can be downright cruel to guys when they get together. It may be best you're not there to hear it go down

[[LaW]Maverick]

If someone (a man) suggested they have figured out women and how they think all I can do is laugh because you haven't.

 

"don't think twice its all right"

 

although all relationships take work and compromise if it doesn't feel right and you can't communicate it accurately then it might be not working out?

 

lol, oh, I DEFINATELY am not pretentious enough to claim that I know all about women...I'm just drawing on past experience that consist of similar situations, that's all

 

It is completely impossible to know exactly how a woman's mind works, and I don't mean that in a sexist way at all, it's just true. For some reason they seem to think we're enigmatic as well, so I guess it balances out.

 

That being said, as long as my fiance is in a good mood, I can say "Women are kinda crazy and hard to understand." and she will say, "Yup."

 

[NOFX]

aight man.. here's what you do, I think I can relate to you...

 

First, you gotta get over it. Let her do what she wants...You can't control her.

If she doesn't want to talk to you when she is out with friends. Then just accept it. The more you pressure her to talk and not give her any space. The more space she will want from you.

 

Make her think you don't care and just wait for her to call you. Its kind of hard to do, but I think thats your best chance of not turning you g/f into an enemy.

 

there are a few old sayings that goes with this scenerio.

 

1. She won't know what she has until it's gone.

2. treat them like #$%^ and they love you

 

 

1. Just step back and take it slow, don't call her so much. then she will think your the one taking a break from her, not the other way around.

 

2. So, don't treat her like crap, just dont be all lubby dubby and in her business all the time..

[TheGeek]

Talk to her. I was in the same kind of relationship before. (except of the moving in part, and i was 16 lol)

 

I made the mistake of constantly calling her, that drove her away

I made the mistake of trying to control her, that drover her away

I made the mistake of assuming that she was perfect, and i was in the wrong

 

Talk to in a mature way. Don't accuse, just communication.

 

I wish you luck

[YoMamma]

The girl I'm with now, I was absolutely certain that I loved her after our first date...I knew the instant I kissed her, and now we're engaged and doing well after nearly 3 years.

 

Ive been dating my gf for almost 4 years now and Ill still afraid of marriage. Props to you my friend.

 

Remind me to send you this shirt as a wedding gift:

[Jiffy]

aight man.. here's what you do, I think I can relate to you...

 

First, you gotta get over it. Let her do what she wants...You can't control her.

If she doesn't want to talk to you when she is out with friends. Then just accept it. The more you pressure her to talk and not give her any space. The more space she will want from you.

 

Make her think you don't care and just wait for her to call you. Its kind of hard to do, but I think thats your best chance of not turning you g/f into an enemy.

 

there are a few old sayings that goes with this scenerio.

 

1. She won't know what she has until it's gone.

2. treat them like #$%^ and they love you

 

 

1. Just step back and take it slow, don't call her so much. then she will think your the one taking a break from her, not the other way around.

 

2. So, don't treat her like crap, just dont be all lubby dubby and in her business all the time..

 

 

You, sir, are correct.

[[LaW]Maverick]

what ever happened here? I hope everything turned out alright

[Tracid]

Z3RO took care of it, everything is a-ok now.

[[LaW]Maverick]

good deal, just makin' sure

[Jeffe]

Good Luck bro!