chick82 December 4, 2012 Share chick82 Member December 4, 2012 So, I figured I'd write out my feelings today, about a fear and selfishness I've had for the last few years. Here's the story: My grandfather is 93, 13 years ago my grandmother passed, and he carried on. Farming & Riding his motorcycle. In his late 80's maybe 88-89 they didn't let him farm anymore at my Uncle's Farm. Age/eyesight, but he carried on, still had his motorcycle. Then at 91, he went for one last ride and gave his bike away. 2 years later, he's become so fragile, barely able to walk, but refuses to use a cane or walker, he eats breakfast at McDonald's every morning, comes home watches T.V. and sleeps, at noon he goes does to the Rest home and has lunch, then for dinner he goes over to my Uncles house. For the last year, I've jokingly said when you turn 100 you get a letter from the president, he'd say "Oh I don't want to live that long, hopefully not much longer." I use to pray to God that he would be around to see me have a baby, i don't know why, I just wanted my baby to meet at least one of my grandparents. He's the last one I have. I feel I have been so selfish, because I don't want him to die, and I know that's all he wants. So I fear God keeps him around because so many of us want him here, even though I know he just wants his ticket to Heaven to be with my grandma, and ride his motorcycle with Jesus. I just got off the phone w/ him a few minutes ago and said I'll see you in 2 weeks and he said "I might be here, we'll see". It breaks my heart, because I know all he wants is to go home. Is it selfish that I don't want him to go, I told God it was okay, but honestly I don't want him to go, I like having him here, but I know in my heart of hearts he wants to go. I'm not looking for anything specific just wanted to put my hearts feelings out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyYuri December 4, 2012 Share LadyYuri Member December 4, 2012 i will pray for you and your family. it is hard to say goodbye to someone you love. unfortunately i had to do that to my 8 yr old niece last year so i truly understand where you're coming from. Good luck and i'm sure ppl would like update on the situation whenever you can. focus on your family Good luck, Yuri Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crasx December 4, 2012 Share crasx GC Alumni December 4, 2012 ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tainted92 December 4, 2012 Share tainted92 Member December 4, 2012 i will pray for you and your family. it is hard to say goodbye to someone you love. unfortunately i had to do that to my 8 yr old niece last year so i truly understand where you're coming from. Good luck and i'm sure ppl would like update on the situation whenever you can. focus on your family Good luck, Yuri I agree with Lady Yuri, while I don't know you too well, my heart goes out to you, I wish you the best of luck with it I hope it gets easier for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterTalpa December 4, 2012 Share MasterTalpa Member December 4, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this. My prayers are out to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lookback December 4, 2012 Share Lookback Member December 4, 2012 Sorry about your grandfather Chick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless December 4, 2012 Share Clueless GC Alumni December 4, 2012 It's a tough deal for sure, my grandmother was the same way....my grandfather died in 1976 and there was a piece of her missing ever since. For years she just kept pushing on all the while just waiting for her turn. That woman had 5 strokes and a small heart attack and nothing would take her out! Every time something happened to her, she almost seemed relieved...like it was finally her turn, but then she pulled through, and we were always happy, but I see know that was a selfish, but natural reaction because we didn't want to lose her. Well, a couple of years ago now, Grandma finally got her wish at the age of 96. She went peacefully and quickly, and after it was finally over, I felt unexpectedly relieved for her....her fight was finally over, she got what she wanted. All of us were able to finally see clearly now that the option for hoping she would pull through was off the table, we were able to see and understand her wishes, and that with age, there comes an understanding that we are finite, and that it's ok....something that the oldest of people seem to willingly accept, I guess we were still too full of fight to see what she could see, and more importantly, accept it. My grandma was the best that you could have, and I loved her very much...and I realized just how much when I was able to let her go without a tear, but with happiness for her, and that her journey was finally over, as she wished it to be. You don't really have to do anything but love him while he's here, and accept it when he's not. Everything will work itself out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick82 December 4, 2012 Author Share chick82 Member December 4, 2012 I think it's a realization that he wants to go, it's hard to hear someone you love wants to move on. But really there's 2 things that make me not want to let him go, 1) he's my grandpa and 2) as a child all the grand kids would color pictures and my grandma would hang them up. They've never come down, a wall 30 years of memories that will have to be taken down. My sister-in-laws grandma jokes "I think god forgot about me". I think you are right clueless until we are that old we won't understand what it means to be ready to clock out. Thank you all for your kind words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walkingCat December 4, 2012 Share walkingCat Member December 4, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDude December 4, 2012 Share TheDude Member December 4, 2012 (edited) The day we fear as our last, is but the birthday of eternity - Seneca Lots of strength to you and your family Edited December 4, 2012 by TheDude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher December 4, 2012 Share Preacher Member December 4, 2012 (edited) We all have those we love and it's comforting to know that we also have a God who loves us as well. I think you overestimate your influance over God lol. He chooses when and if we go and under what circumstances. He acts on the big picture, we only see a tiny portion. It's also comforting to know it's not all up to us. Pray that God prepares your heart, but thr responsibility is beyond your purview. Trust that God will do exactly what needs to be done in the right time. Edited December 4, 2012 by Preacher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerkoff December 4, 2012 Share Jerkoff Member December 4, 2012 Hope things go well between you two when the time comes. The closest thing that pass away was my 10 year old dog and the way it happen and how it happen still have me regretting today. The best thing I can really say is to understand each other to the fullest so there will be no regrets or any sad feelings left behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VooDooPC December 4, 2012 Share VooDooPC Member December 4, 2012 Don't take being able to say goodbye for granted, a lot of people never get the chance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walkingCat December 5, 2012 Share walkingCat Member December 5, 2012 http://thenicestplaceontheinter.net/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now