A Cry For Help

[Dennis]

Hey all i know its been a long time since i talked to all of you but now i come to u in a time of need. i have had a major problem accure in my life and here it is.

 

 

 

well i have decided to let everyone in on my life to let you know how bad things are for me. as of a week ago my wife left me for another man. she also left me with about $20k dollars in debt and no money. really i only have $40 now. i make enough money to pay for my car, my insurance, my rent and utilities at my place. now my problem is i dont make enough money to pay the credit card debt. she also pawned her wedding ring and enagagment ring that i was paying on. i dont even have the moeny to file bank ruptcy. if any of u know a way to help me out please let me know. i dont have much time before i lose everything cuz of the debt. if anyone has advice or can give some support or just anything let me know.

 

AIM: TransAm9319

MSN: TransAm9721@msn.com

[MrDuke]

I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry.

 

I can't offer any advice, just an ear. Hang in there.

[Fatty]

There are non-profit organizations out there that can act as a 3rd party to get things straight for you, but for the life of me no names come to mind right now. Thinking....

 

Your parents in the picture?

 

1) Move somewhere cheaper that you can afford, or find a friend or family members while you get back on your feet.

 

2) Cancel extras, like cable TV and other non-necessity subscriptions (if you remain on your own)

 

3) Find some things to sell.

 

4) Turn your life over to God, the One who will never abandon you. (should have been first my little list here). Don't look to God to fix your debt, look to God to walk you through life. Don't ask Him to balance your checkbook, ask Him to balance your life.

 

Revelation 3:20 - Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. 

[Fatty]

Here's an example: http://www.moneymanagement.org/AboutUs/

 

I don't know anything about these organizations, but I hear about them all the time. Do a search for "non-profit debt help," etc....I tossed that in the google at the top of this page and the above was one of em.

 

Don't despair.

 

Also, I'm very serious about #4 above. So many people look to "take control" and straighten their own life out. Give up some control, brother.

 

You will make it through this time. I'm sorry that things are hard for you. But YOU WILL make it.

[gOOters]

Wow, that reeks. I will try to stay positive here, but a couple of mean negative thoughts about your wife come to mind...

 

Anyhow. Be careful of the debt relief thing, quite a few lenders look at it almost as bad as bankruptcy. Im not saying dont do it, Im just saying to be careful...it isn't quite the golden road it seems.

 

Also, bankruptcy seems like a drastic step for a relatively small amount of debt.

 

Also, you SHOULD call your credit card companies ASAP and let them know EXACTLY what has happened and let them know that you are commited to paying off your debts, but you might not meet the minimums, etc.

 

VERY IMPORTANT: Start documenting ALL your payments and your situation VERY well. It will help you build your credit back up after you are out of the hole. Your credit might take a hit now, but you will get back on your feet and when you do, that car loan or apt lease will be easier to get with some good documentation that you are no deadbeat.

 

Here would be my immediate damage control plan.

 

1. Slash expenses.

a. Can you get out of your car payment or reduce it quickly? If you are right side up...maybe you can trade it in on a clunker or a lease vehicle?

b. What notice is necessary at your apartment? Can you canx your lease and move in with a friend or family member for awhile?

c. IMMEDIATELY canx any frills, cable, internet, subscriptions, etc.

 

2. Increase income.

a. Do you have anything you can sell?

b. Can you find a night job? Waiting tables pays relatively well, actually. Maybe yard work or odd jobs on the weekend?

 

3. Pray. You will need something steady in your life...praying works for me. If not that, find a buddy to lean on.

 

In summary. You are in a relatively untenable position, just do what you can and TRY to remember...it WILL get better. You have your health, and you will recover from this. Things will be terribly for awhile, but you can slowly dig your way through this buddy.

 

Good luck. Wish there was some better advice I could give.

[Fatty]

How about the wife's financial responsibility in all this? X?

[gOOters]

Good thought Fat...I meant to ask who's name the cards are in?

[Dennis]

the cards are in my name so no dice on that. just got off the phone with a lawyer who said bank ruptcy is the best its just getting the money to pay for it. so i need about a thousand dollars by the end of the month. ugh and dont worry fatty i have been looking to GOD for teh answers and the strength to get through this. he gave me the strength to see the problem and catch her in what she was doing now i need HIS help to get me through this. i have been a good person so i have faith in him that he wont let anything bad come to me. so now all im doing is searching for a way to get the $1k for the bank ruptcy.

[MrDuke]

I would think that even if they are in your name that she incurs some responsibility (did she ever use the cards?). I thought divorce was to be 'painful for both parties' per another legal begal. It doesn't sound like this is financially painful for her...yet.

 

Of course, what do I know. This is X's area.

[mrX]

You're only going to be responsible for any debts for which you personally signed or guaranteed. If the credit cards are in her name (even if you have one to use), you don't have any worries. Take an inventory first off and figure out what is actually your debt.

 

If they are your debts, contact the company(or companies) and make arrangements. They will generally close the account and let you pay something per month. Always remember with credit card debt that it is unsecured. They have an interest in working with you because the legal alternatives for them can be tedious.

 

Pay on any secured debts, like your car, while you weigh your alternatives. Secured debts are more easily taken care of by companies by repoing the item. If you gotta get rid of it, do so as best you can voluntarily.

 

If bankruptcy becomes the option, know that bankruptcy law is about to change soon. There will no longer be "liquidation" bankruptcies as far as I know, because they are changing it over to more of a planned payment type.

 

Consumer credit counseling services generally aren't the answer. A lot of fraud has taken place in that industry. They are really something to be very, very wary of.

 

I could prolly think of more, but I've got a meeting to go to. Looks like others have given some pretty sound advice already.

 

EDIT: wow, lotta replies while I wrote.

[Maxim-expertpistolier]

Hey all i know its been a long time since i talked to all of you but now i come to u in a time of need. i have had a major problem accure in my life and here it is.

well i have decided to let everyone in on my life to let you know how bad things are for me. as of a week ago my wife left me for another man. she also left me with about $20k dollars in debt and no money. really i only have $40 now. i make enough money to pay for my car, my insurance, my rent and utilities at my place. now my problem is i dont make enough money to pay the credit card debt. she also pawned her wedding ring and enagagment ring that i was paying on. i dont even have the moeny to file bank ruptcy. if any of u know a way to help me out please let me know. i dont have much time before i lose everything cuz of the debt. if anyone has advice or can give some support or just anything let me know.

 

AIM: TransAm9319

MSN: TransAm9721@msn.com

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

um you can file for bankruptcy. also that will get rid of your debt. you should either go for a chapter 9 or 13.

 

chapter 9 is liquidation, where they sell all ur stuff to pay for some of it, then you start with a clean slate.

 

chapter 13, is a payment plan, pretty much you come up with a reasonable payment plan, and the judge approves of it.

 

also once you declare bankruptcy, the creditors and such, must stop trying to get the money from you, and the judge will make sure of that, .

 

So if you want to do that, I guess you go to your local court house, and inquire about bankruptcy, or see a bankruptcy lawyer, you may not need one. So if you want to start fresh, go for liquidation, but if you want to keep your stuff, than go for the payment plan. But sounds like starting over fresh would be better for you. Your choice.

 

well sorry to hear that, man, that sucks, but you don't need any money to declare bankruptcy. the courts will help you work it out.

 

also when you do this, you have 7 years before you can do it again.

 

also my information is based off of NY laws and such, so your might be different, if it is, like i said the courts will help you work it out.

 

I hope i helped, and good luck.

Edited July 20, 2005 by Maxim-expertpistolier

[Dennis]

i know she screwd me over bad but im not gonna do it back, for some reason i just dont think its right. she has enough problems with life that i dont wanna make it worse, i just hope she gets herself help. i already haev bad credit so i think bank ruptcy is gonna be the best thing for me.

[MrDuke]

i know she screwd me over bad but im not gonna do it back, for some reason i just dont think its right. she has enough problems with life that i dont wanna make it worse, i just hope she gets herself help. i already haev bad credit so i think bank ruptcy is gonna be the best thing for me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

I'm glad to hear you say that. Turn the other cheek.

 

Amen, brother.

[Preacher]

talk to your lawyer and ask if he will accept payments for the cost of the bankruptcy. If he will not, see if mom and dad can hook ya up for a few months. Make sure to go chapter 7 instead of 11 or 13 because even though with the others you pay the money back it has the exact same effect on your credit and if you go with chapter 7 the debt is just written off and you get a fresh start.

 

Good luck my prayers are with you

[gOOters]

I'm glad to hear you say that. Turn the other cheek.

 

Amen, brother.

 

 

I'm not...but I am learning, and have taken to checking Duke out of the corner of my eye to learn a few life lessons

 

Anyhow...maybe you should shop your attorneys before filing. Perhaps you can do it cheaper than $1000. Yous is a small and simple case, not too much debt.

 

If your credit is jacked, maybe you should go ahead and file. But document the circumstances, you might want a house within the next 7 years (basically how long it takes the bankruptcy to fall of your credit record???).

Edited July 20, 2005 by gOOters

[Maxim-expertpistolier]

talk to your lawyer and ask if he will accept payments for the cost of the bankruptcy. If he will not, see if mom and dad can hook ya up for a few months. Make sure to go chapter 7 instead of 11 or 13 because even though with the others you pay the money back it has the exact same effect on your credit and if you go with chapter 7 the debt is just written off and you get a fresh start.

 

Good luck my prayers are with you

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

yes chapter 7, lol, 9 what was i thinkin, it went in some odd order. and he can't do chapter 11. chapter 11 is for corporations,, like K-Mart, lol.

[Batman]

Wow Dennis, Im sorry for what is happening to you. Im sure most married men can say that your living my worst nightmare.. All I can say is this: If it comes down to it, just pay the important bills and put the credit cards on hold.. If you call your credit card companies and tell them your in a divorce, they sometimes will hold off payments till the devorce is final.. OR sometimes credit card companies have an "act of God" clause that will let you wave payments for a set amount of time..

[Dennis]

well after lots of talking with people, friends, u guys on here and my mother who out of the grace of GOD is willing to help i will be fileing for chapter 7. now they say u can do it yourself and not pay or only pay for the court cost but its much easier and faster if u get a lawyer, plus i found one who will do it for $600 so that isnt bad at all. if u guys have any other ideas let me know soon or just keep giving your support i can use all i can get. oh yea and my paypal account is always open to those who like to donate

[TheReverend(c)]

Hey all i know its been a long time since i talked to all of you but now i come to u in a time of need. i have had a major problem accure in my life and here it is.

well i have decided to let everyone in on my life to let you know how bad things are for me. as of a week ago my wife left me for another man. she also left me with about $20k dollars in debt and no money. really i only have $40 now. i make enough money to pay for my car, my insurance, my rent and utilities at my place. now my problem is i dont make enough money to pay the credit card debt. she also pawned her wedding ring and enagagment ring that i was paying on. i dont even have the moeny to file bank ruptcy. if any of u know a way to help me out please let me know. i dont have much time before i lose everything cuz of the debt. if anyone has advice or can give some support or just anything let me know.

 

AIM: TransAm9319

MSN: TransAm9721@msn.com

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Im not sure what the laws are in maryland about financial debt, but in South Dakota, where Im at, if you make any effort to pay a debt such as loans or credit cards, they cant sue you in court. This amout can be as small as 20 bucks or 1 buck a month as long as you make an effort to pay. Like I said I dont know the laws of your state though. As for bankrupcy dont do that yet. Now you can only file chapter 11. Which is structered repayment, not like chapter 7 where no one could make you pay anything. In South Dakota if someone tries to take you to court while youve been making an effort to pay on a debt, the judge would throw it out. But check your local laws. Thanx, The Rev.

[Dennis]

inmaryland i can still do chapter 7 which for me is best i wanna start my life over and this is where it will begine. wish me luck guys.

[Acid-Flux]

im no lawer or anything, but being married and her leaving you; technically she is still resposible for debt. I would talk to a lawer before you go file for chapter 7.

 

Please, do not file for that! talk to a lawer first!

 

PLEASE PLESAE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT FILE FOR IT BEFORE YOU HAVE TALKED TO A LAWER!!!!

 

 

ps.. sorry to hear about the bad news. We we will get you through this rough patch that's for sure. You can always count on GC for support.

[Wolfsblood]

Acid is right on the money. Marriage is a legal contract, and each party IS responsible for the other's debt. At least in Ohio that is the case. Please check to see if that is the case in Maryland as well.

 

I know you don't want to make your (soon-to-be) ex-wife's life any harder than it is right now, and that is comendable (I couldn't do that) but it is more than reasonable for a judge to conclude that she helped run up those debts.

 

It truely doesn't matter whose name the cards, or debt is in, if you're married, the debt is both parties debt.

 

God Bless you man, we'll keep you in our prayers.

 

Wolfsblood.

 

edited for clarification*

Edited July 22, 2005 by Wolfsblood

[san`]

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't sign the divorce papers until the debt is cleared.

[SwOOp]

Make certain to re-affirm on any debt that you are wanting to keep i.e. car, house, etc... That way you will still have a roof over your head and a way to get around. I have heard of people getting cars as soon as 6 months after bankruptcy, but they get raked over the coals in interest, so the best bet would be to keep the car you're driving now.

 

Also, is her name on any of the cards, co-signed, or have a card on your account issued in her account or otherwise?

[Dennis]

well theres alot to this mess to get into it all but its alot worse thenw hat i have said on here. another hard thing is, no one knows where she is at. friends have been sending money to my paypal account with promise that any money will be payed back. if anyone here is kind enough to do that my paypal account is transam9721@msn.com any money given will be paid by the end of the year if not sooner.