All Kill3r February 21, 2003 Share All Kill3r Member February 21, 2003 It all started freshmen year of college about 2 months after school started. We lived on the same hall and would always watch movies together and became best friends. Soon after we began dating and have fallen in love with on another. Over the 3 years we have talked about everything, how many kids, marriage, everything. It just seems that this person has become all that i know and what i live for. Well, atleast used to be, i dont know. For some reason im not happy like i used to be and things arent fun like they were. I think we have have just grown apart so aobut 30 minutes ago.....i told my love that i couldnt be with her anymore. I dont know why im telling everyone this but i feel like i need to tell someone, im realy hurt and i did it to myself, she just started crying and left. i dont know what to do. i hope it was the right thing. i just feel that after 3 years of being together that i know this isnt the person i want to spend the rest of my life with so i need to stop things now. i hope i have not made a horrid mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa February 21, 2003 Share Playaa Member February 21, 2003 are there any reasons you don't think she's the one you want to spend your life with? honestly...I wouldn't take "because I feel it" as a reason..........so think to yourself if there are any more reasons.........or if it's possible that it's just fear at actually having found what so many ppl search for. hope you get this worked out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Kill3r February 21, 2003 Author Share All Kill3r Member February 21, 2003 i dont know man....its like we want 2 totally different things out of life and i cant "waste" our lifes any longer knowing this. i love her, but i love her enough to let her go and let her live her life as she needs, and the same for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yErMoTH3r February 21, 2003 Share yErMoTH3r GC Founder February 21, 2003 sometimes you need to let things go before they come back stronger than ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa February 21, 2003 Share Playaa Member February 21, 2003 I don't know man....I think that if you love her and she loves you then you figure out what you BOTH want out of life.... if you disagree on things you compromise....if you don't want the same things completely (as in she wants to live in Africa as a bushperson and you want to be a president of a fortune 500 company) then you figure out completely different paths that will make you both happy. you're going to change your views of what you want in life ALOT.......5 years from now what you want out of life may be the exact opposite of what you want today......but the one you love is someone that you build your life around.....not someone that fits into your mold. seriously....talk to her...find out what she wants out of life in 5 years and compare that to what you want out of life in 5 years.....then make em work together.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOFX February 21, 2003 Share NOFX Member February 21, 2003 no offense Playaa/Pselus, but I believe i seen you say in another post that you dont know what love is. I really dont see how you could give advice to someone about relationships to someone, when you havent gone through the same thing yourself....... sorry to hear joe, but you gotta do what you gotta do. If you dont think you wanna be with her forever, then you shouldnt put it off any longer....but then again, you if you dont like how things are goin, you will probably change your mind and get back with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa February 21, 2003 Share Playaa Member February 21, 2003 NOFX is right...I have no clue what love is.....but I do understand ppl and understand feelings and I think if it's gonna make you unhappy being without her and there aren't too many reasons to not be with her except for a few odd feelings.......well that just doesn't make sense to me.... I don't think something as important as the one you're gonna marry should be blown off that easily... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConGregation February 21, 2003 Share ConGregation Member February 21, 2003 Of course you cant be too picky about choosing a life mate, either. Although I have a friend who is getting up there in age and has dumped some VERY nice girls. But with him, I think, its more of the challenge syndrome... if they like him he isnt interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Kill3r February 21, 2003 Author Share All Kill3r Member February 21, 2003 what you mean you cant be too picky, that is the ONE person you have to spend the REST of your LIFE with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConGregation February 21, 2003 Share ConGregation Member February 21, 2003 er. Um. Try reading my first sentence again... Or maybe your dont understand the negative modifier concept. It can be confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mmmm]Homer February 21, 2003 Share [Mmmm]Homer Member February 21, 2003 All Kill3r, Been there, had to dump a nice lady. But I found an even better one for me. I think the trying to make too much of a compromise on each person's part leads to unhappiness. Met my fiance on the internet, www.match.com. Took a tough couple of years of looking, but I'm very happy now. She also found her cat on the internet, and we both picked out our other cat on the internet. We are the internet family. Anyway, life is hard sometime. It's all part of the human experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UberNewb February 21, 2003 Share Guest UberNewb Guests February 21, 2003 Yeah. Don't try to rationalize it. Also don't let people tell you that 'You're just not feeling it' isn't a good reason, because feeling is the reason you got together in the first place. At least one would hope so. The difference between true love and 'love' is that you never 'just don't feel' true love. If you weren't feelin it, you made the right decision.. but that doesn't mean you can't get back together... shop around, man, but always realize that anything can happen.. just let it flow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Slayer February 21, 2003 Share Shadow Slayer Member February 21, 2003 well whatever you do.. dont do anything that you dont want to. thats what happened to me with my last g/f. i felt i should be serious cause she wanted to be serious and i couldnt think of any reall good reasons not to. so i ended up kinda acting like i was serious and wanted to be with her but i found out later i should have listened to what i felt cause she turned out to be quite the jerk. i think that if you look down the road and really cant see yourself being with this person forever then i think it was a good idea to break it off. S.S. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa February 21, 2003 Share Playaa Member February 21, 2003 btw....I'm not telling you that you MUST stay with her....I'm just saying that maybe you're wrong in breaking up with her...maybe you're not........ basically..........I'm not being helpful in any way...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brahma_Bull February 21, 2003 Share Brahma_Bull Member February 21, 2003 don't go looking for love, let it come to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConGregation February 22, 2003 Share ConGregation Member February 22, 2003 Quit lookin at me ST! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [DW]Archaic February 22, 2003 Share Guest [DW]Archaic Guests February 22, 2003 from my recent experience in a 2 year long girlfriend that dumped me, i hate love... alot i have so many mixed feelings and emotions throughout the day its rediculous... things have gotten better but sometimes when im all alone i cant help but reminise. I built a strong relationship with this girl and im still in love with her very much, she says she wants to be friends but i dont think she really cares if i live or die... i could keep whining and tell the hole story and how everytime i see her my heart falls out of my chest, but ill shut up. only advice i could give is make sure you are positive you dont want anymore time with this girl, cause getting over things you love... just plains sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UberNewb February 22, 2003 Share Guest UberNewb Guests February 22, 2003 Archaic,Feb 21 2003, 09:43 PM]only advice i could give is make sure you are positive you dont want anymore time with this girl, cause getting over things you love... just plains sucks. I'll drink to that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [DOH]TaPe February 22, 2003 Share Guest [DOH]TaPe Guests February 22, 2003 don't go looking for love, let it come to you He said love and not "love" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief February 22, 2003 Share Chief Member February 22, 2003 Knowing nothing of the situation or anything, I can only offer my sympathies. Most of the time in situations like this we just want to know that people think we're okay and accept us. Somtimes people want advice...You have my sympathies, but you may want possible suggestions I will offer this: For the rest of your life the only thing that will keep you with anyone is communication. You have to talk. I would say this: Tell her you are sorry about what you said, tell her how you feel about you wanting two different things, tell her what you think you want and what you think she wants. See if you are really that far apart and if there isn't a way to bring your two positions together. Tell her that you love her and have spent a long time with her and that you are afraid that you might not want the same things from life. Discuss it between the two of you. You might be surprised to find out that you are right and ending it is the right thing. Maybe it will bring the two of you closer together and you can start down a new path. At any rate, it sounds like you're not dropping her because she cheated so I think she deserves to know how you feel and why it is ending and why you think it might be best. If you love the girl, don't make her spend months crying and wondering "why this" and "what that" or "what if I"... I'm sorry to hear that your long time love is potentially over, but whether it is or not, maybe you should talk to her some more about it. Chief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [DOH]TaPe February 22, 2003 Share Guest [DOH]TaPe Guests February 22, 2003 Pulled in the driveway... picked up the paper... found my key and unlocked the door. I walked in, felt like a stranger... like I'd never been there before. As I wandered room to room, it was silent as a tomb. Coulda heard a tear drop, coulda heard a heart break - never saw the flood come, though I felt the rain. Never heard a house sound so loud with memories where there used to be a happy home... in the house on the corner of Lonely and Gone. The quietest noise I've heard is the sound of letting go... I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons - finally content with a past I regret. I find you find strength in your moments of weakness. Been trapped in the past for too long... but I'm moving on. I've lived in this place and I know all the faces - each one is different, but they're always the same. They mean me no harm, but it's time that I face it - they'll never allow me to change. I just never dreamed that home would end up where I don't belong... so I'm moving on. There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see is the years passing by, and I've made up my mind that those days are gone. Once in a lifetime you'll open up your heart... once in your lifetime, you'll swear to never be apart. You think your love's on solid ground, then out of the blue it all comes tumbling down... With all the things we've got, how can love just stop? Tell me, somebody help me understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [DOH]TaPe February 22, 2003 Share Guest [DOH]TaPe Guests February 22, 2003 I don't understand you, have you lost your mind? You've always been a friend of mine, but you're running out of time... Sooner or later you'll learn... sooner or later you'll cry... sooner or later, you might learn that you can't live a day without her in your life. Put your faith in what you most believe in - two worlds, one family? Trust your heart, let fate decide and guide you to the life you seek... Softly tread the sand below your feet now... No words describe a woman's tears... no words can heal a broken heart... is a dream gone? Somewhere, something is calling for you - just trust your heart to guide the life you seek... I agree with what Chief said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Kill3r February 25, 2003 Author Share All Kill3r Member February 25, 2003 ty for the words tape Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubblegum Bandit February 25, 2003 Share Bubblegum Bandit Member February 25, 2003 Ok...my 2 cents. I know what you're going through....I've totally been in your shoes. But what Cheif says is totally correct. I dated a girl for 3 years, then was engaged to her for 2 years before I broke it off. I came to find out the reason I was dating this girl was because everyone just assumed we would be together. I actually met my wife while I was engaged....let me straighten this out though....I met her, hardly knew her until I knew the other relationship wasn't going to work out. I truely loved this girl, but things started falling apart, I started realizing that the things she offered me weren't really what I wanted. So we talked about it....we were both getting ready to finish college....we had totally different ideas about what directions our lives were going to go when we graduated, but yet we were supposed to go those directions together! It was extremely hard to let go, I will admit...it was totally depressing for awhile. But things worked out for me. On that note, I would like to address another issue. The "feeling" of being in love. I have been married for just a little less than two years now. I love my wife dearly, but there are times that I do not like her very much. The "in love feeling" that you have when you first date will come and go throughout your marriage, but from what I've found its gone more than its here. Not to say that I don't love my wife every day, I do and I try to show her this, but you can't rely on a feeling to live the rest of your life. Some of you may disagree with me, but I bet you will find the guys that are happily married will for the most part agree with me. Yes, I feel that feeling when my wife and I go away for a weekend, or go on vacation to some tropical place, but in day to day life, that feeling will disappear. Again I stress, that's not to say you're not in love. Love means very different things to everyone. Love is not something that just comes easy, that feeling will not get you through everyday life no matter how strong that feeling is.....Loving your mate or your wife or whoever takes a lot of patience, learning, communication, and time. It takes effort to learn how he/she(don't want to offend anyone) needs to be loved as well as to communicate how you would like to be loved. I can't say that you should stay with your girl, I can't say that you should leave. Only you can assess where you are with this relationship. I would give you this advice.....Do what Chief said....communicate. Even if you do find out you are right in what you thought to begin with....The art of communication is hard to master, and IF you are anything like ME, you need all the help you can get. Just be sure to go into the conversation(s) with an open mind. Don't go in thinking you are right, because you won't look at the situation very objectively that way. I don't know if that's helpful at all, but its definately how I feel after living the 26 or so years that I have lived. I offer you good luck, and hope you find everything that you are looking for, whether it be with this girl or someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brahma_Bull February 25, 2003 Share Brahma_Bull Member February 25, 2003 oops, "love" = hella weak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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