gOOters March 1, 2004 Share gOOters Member March 1, 2004 So, what do you guys think is a reasonable amount of time for a married guy (no kids) to expect to have to himself or with his buddies. I told Christi that I expect to have Thursday nights to hang out with my buddies from work. That will be a month or two after we get married, I want to spend alot of time with her at first. Does this sound reasonable? I think she will be cool with it. I do like being with her...but need a little time to myself too!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa March 1, 2004 Share Playaa Member March 1, 2004 I know I'm not a married guy, but can I chime in? I have a friend who I need to give advice to and this is the advice he needs. his wife is amazingly clingy and thinks that every moment he is awake and not working he should WANT to spend with her...she's even gone as far as saying he didn't love his family if he wanted to hang out with me one night without her. so basically I want to hear the answers to g00t's question too...is it normal for wives to be like that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwEEziL March 1, 2004 Share dwEEziL Member March 1, 2004 Goot, I say you both need to be encouraged to have girls nights/guys nights out (ahem...you go with the guys) on a regular interval but you might want to make sure Thursday is a good night for her to go hang out with her friends too. This early in the marriage though, since you let her know that is your preference, it should be easy for her to make regular events on this day. Also, do you both have the same work schedule? If not, then you might end up with more "free time" then you want. If that does happen, make the most of the time you do get to spend with her. Anyway, even though you have been together for some time, the first couple months of wedded bliss will keep your schedule more than filled up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crowbar March 1, 2004 Share Crowbar Member March 1, 2004 oooh, tough one, and the answer is different for each couple. all in all, it depends on the girl. My wife is convinced that couples need to do things with other couples. Now, currently I spend almost all my free time with her, or with her and our friends. That is only due to my 2 best friends being in Iraq. They'll get back mid-April and then I'll really get an answer to your question. Basically, I think the answer lies in how much free time you have with your wife. My wife and I have different schedules, I work the midnight shift, she works days. We only get one evening to spend quality time together. The weekends we both work evenings and nights and the other four weekdays we see each other in the afternoons but we usually are busy with other stuff in the evenings. Wednesday we go to church together, but that doesn't really count as time together, since we're not relating much with each other. If you've got every evening to spend together, you sleep together (since I work midnights, we don't get to sleep together), and the relationship feels healthy, then go for one night a week with the guys. I don't think it's too much to ask, but women can get really jealous of their man's time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gOOters March 1, 2004 Author Share gOOters Member March 1, 2004 Thanx guys. Good insights. One problem is that she works in Dallas and we will be in NE Fort Worth. Also, she hasnt been up here long enough to have any local friends really. One of her best friends is moving to Dallas which is GREAT! She has always been pretty cool though, so after a month or two, I will start doing my little Thursday night gig again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MC_Ranger March 2, 2004 Share MC_Ranger Member March 2, 2004 Riiigghhhhttt. Okay, let me throw you a different point of view. I've got a little bit of marriage experience, so this is all coming first hand. Free time in a marriage for the man is a battle that is lost over a long period of time. Hopefully slowly, but in many cases, very rapidly. I've always equated giving up free time with Patton's infamous policy about retreating. He had a firm belief that you should NEVER pay for the same ground twice. Anything you GIVE away now you will have to work DOUBLE hard to get back free and clear. For example, you give up Thursday nights because you think you're being nice. Well, you're NOT being nice. I'll come back to this point. After a couple months you re-institute Thursdays out with the fellas. Sounds fair, right? WRONG! Possession is 9/10 of the law. When you gave her Thursday nights you officially relinquished your ownership. When you attempt to re-establish your time out, you are now TAKING something away from her. That's an issue. That's a fight. That's drama. You may or may not get your Thursdays back, but everybody has already lost. So, when you thought you were being nice, you were just creating a future argument. The Ranger plan says to KEEP your Thursday nights. Even if you don't have any plans, you go SOMEWHERE. Do SOMETHING. Trust me, in 10 years you'll thank me. Heck, I would even add on another night. Say an "every other weekend" bowling league or something. That gives you the leisure to give something up in the future that you don't care much about anyway. A perfect time for this type of "concession" is after children. You make the appropriate sacrifice looking like the hero while, in fact, it was just a 3-5 year plot to protect your free time. You can't give up all your time before you even get started! You give up all your leverage. But be careful of her counter moves. Some wives may be crafty, ANTICIPATE your actions and initiate a preemptive strike. SHE may start ridiculous, time consuming hobbies like SCRAP BOOKING. This type of behavior is a sure fire sign she's on to your game and you are going to have your hands full for the next, oh, 50 years or so. Oh, and be EXTRA careful on Crowbar's "couples dilemna". This is irrefutable evidence that your wife is in ka-hoots with other wives. Couples night does NOT mean you and your buddies get a bunch of beers and watch the game while the wives are upstairs knitting and making snacks. Oh nooooo. Couples night means you will spent the better part of 5 hours playing games like Pictionary while your wife keeps a close eye on your alcohol intake and how many times you glanced at another wife's low cut blouse. Make no mistake, she will try to replace your fun-loving single friends (read: dangerous!) with the soulless husbands that have long forgotten what it was like to think on their own. These are the same soulless husbands that gave up their Thursday nights when they got married. Poor bastards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mmmm]Homer March 2, 2004 Share [Mmmm]Homer Member March 2, 2004 LOL Ranger! Well, basically I agree with Ranger on this, but I can say it in a fewer words. Don't be PW'd. This isn't a macho thing, I don't mean this in a negative way. You could substitiute 'pushover' or something. You have the right to be you still, within bounds of course, and you should be. Be fair and honest about needing your own time and encourage her to use the time as well with her friends. She married you for who you are, don't stop being that person - but leave room to mature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gOOters March 2, 2004 Author Share gOOters Member March 2, 2004 Hrm...I think she and I are going to have a talk this week. I am going to reiterate how much I love her and that I expect to spend ALOT of time with her for the next couple of months. BUT, I need every Thursday off heh. And THATS THE WAY IT IS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurtz March 2, 2004 Share Kurtz Member March 2, 2004 Riiigghhhhttt. Okay, let me throw you a different point of view. I've got a little bit of marriage experience, so this is all coming first hand. Free time in a marriage for the man is a battle that is lost over a long period of time. Hopefully slowly, but in many cases, very rapidly. I've always equated giving up free time with Patton's infamous policy about retreating. He had a firm belief that you should NEVER pay for the same ground twice. Anything you GIVE away now you will have to work DOUBLE hard to get back free and clear. For example, you give up Thursday nights because you think you're being nice. Well, you're NOT being nice. I'll come back to this point. After a couple months you re-institute Thursdays out with the fellas. Sounds fair, right? WRONG! Possession is 9/10 of the law. When you gave her Thursday nights you officially relinquished your ownership. When you attempt to re-establish your time out, you are now TAKING something away from her. That's an issue. That's a fight. That's drama. You may or may not get your Thursdays back, but everybody has already lost. So, when you thought you were being nice, you were just creating a future argument. The Ranger plan says to KEEP your Thursday nights. Even if you don't have any plans, you go SOMEWHERE. Do SOMETHING. Trust me, in 10 years you'll thank me. Heck, I would even add on another night. Say an "every other weekend" bowling league or something. That gives you the leisure to give something up in the future that you don't care much about anyway. A perfect time for this type of "concession" is after children. You make the appropriate sacrifice looking like the hero while, in fact, it was just a 3-5 year plot to protect your free time. You can't give up all your time before you even get started! You give up all your leverage. But be careful of her counter moves. Some wives may be crafty, ANTICIPATE your actions and initiate a preemptive strike. SHE may start ridiculous, time consuming hobbies like SCRAP BOOKING. This type of behavior is a sure fire sign she's on to your game and you are going to have your hands full for the next, oh, 50 years or so. Oh, and be EXTRA careful on Crowbar's "couples dilemna". This is irrefutable evidence that your wife is in ka-hoots with other wives. Couples night does NOT mean you and your buddies get a bunch of beers and watch the game while the wives are upstairs knitting and making snacks. Oh nooooo. Couples night means you will spent the better part of 5 hours playing games like Pictionary while your wife keeps a close eye on your alcohol intake and how many times you glanced at another wife's low cut blouse. Make no mistake, she will try to replace your fun-loving single friends (read: dangerous!) with the soulless husbands that have long forgotten what it was like to think on their own. These are the same soulless husbands that gave up their Thursday nights when they got married. Poor bastards. lol i never thought an Mmmm could be so wise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gond March 2, 2004 Share Gond Member March 2, 2004 She should hang out with you and your friends. Or she could just hang around on the forums with us while you are out. I used to go out on Friday nights almost every week. That was when I was young and had energy Nothing wrong with it...just be considerate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurtz March 2, 2004 Share Kurtz Member March 2, 2004 She should hang out with you and your friends. and i thought id never see a doh seem so foolish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest k3n March 2, 2004 Share Guest k3n Guests March 2, 2004 Friday night to play poker till 3 in the morning, saturday afternoon to play golf, and sunday evening to have a barbecue. The barbacue is like once every month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwEEziL March 2, 2004 Share dwEEziL Member March 2, 2004 Homer,Mar 1 2004, 07:21 PM] LOL Ranger! Well, basically I agree with Ranger on this, but I can say it in a fewer words. Don't be PWn'd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linch March 2, 2004 Share linch Member March 2, 2004 If I have no major plans with my better half, I come and go as I please. As does she. We kindly let each other know where we are going first. The thing is, this doesn't happen much as she is my best friend and I would rather stay home or go out with her. We are not a mushy lovey dovey couple, we just have a lot in common. If you feel you need a "guy night" , try to make her feel special by doing a "date night". (at least once a month). Go to dinner and a movie, or even make her a romantic dinner at home. Yes... she might have expectations of you doing this all your life, but is that really a bad thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mmmm]Homer March 2, 2004 Share [Mmmm]Homer Member March 2, 2004 gg Dweez Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher March 2, 2004 Share Preacher Member March 2, 2004 Well after 10 years of marriage I feel I can chime in. I began my marriage with my wife saying things like " I want you to go out with your friends and have fun". I also heard things like "Oh I'm so glad you are going out with so-and-so, you need a break" Well after a short time those lovely "perfect wife" sayings became "Why do you need to spend so much time with so-and-so" and "You're going out again?" Realize that the first year of marriage is like the preview to a movie, it may look like it'll be bliss and packed with greatness, but when you settle into the seat and the preview is now the movie you get to find out how misleading the preview was. No truer statement was ever uttered about marriage than this "A woman gets married expecting the man to be changed by her, and a man gets married expecting her to stay the same." Both get a dose of reality. After 5 years of marriage I finally knew who the heck that crazy broad sleeping next to me really was. lol Don't get me wrong, I have a good marriage and I love my wife dearly, but it is very important to know how much you don't know. Good luck and may God bless your household. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soul .gc March 2, 2004 Share soul .gc Member March 2, 2004 I think Preacher and Ranger both have the right of it. I have been married for 8 years now and it still changes a bit depending on her schedule. When we both worked in offices it was different because we were both gone all day long. When she quit her job and stayed home but I was still gone it became much harder to get the "kitchen pass" to go out...although I still managed 2-3 times a month but mostly on the weekends. When I made my company put in a home office for me it has been great. We see each other a lot during the day since we are both home and I am more productive for my employer and I now have a Wednesday night with the guys, every other monday with the church guys where we drink beer and talk sports and usually a couple other nights in the month. The key is making sure she thinks it is fair. If you go out then remember she gets to go out as well with her friends. As Ranger stated, this can lead to scrap-booking and tupperware and pampered chef and all kinds of things that not only qualify as "nights out" but also as "moneypits". If she gets into scrapbooks then she will ask for a few weekend trips with the girls where they do pictures and crap. These are a blessing since it stacks the cards in your favor for a fun Vegas Weekend with the guys or some other "guy" trip (My Vegas weekend is happening this Fall with the guys...woohoo!!!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gOOters March 2, 2004 Author Share gOOters Member March 2, 2004 She could go out with her friends all the time as far as I am concerned. You guys are really worrying me here. Im going to be SOO tinkled if she starts sayin "why do you go out so much" to my one sacred night a week. And I have no problem giving her one romantic "date night" a week. I think that will be our rule...make it so! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa March 2, 2004 Share Playaa Member March 2, 2004 don't be affeered little g00ters... the old crabby men are just jealous that you still get that first good year. seriously though, I've seen it happen with all my friends who get married...their time with me and the other guys just slips away...however, if your friends really care about you they'll understand and do their best to help out. Me and my best friend spend every sunday afternoon with his wife and kid at their home just watching movies...it's time that I get to chill with him and she sees him at home still... life changes...just communicate with her at all times and keep the relationship open and CALM and the changes don't hurt so much. oh, and get ready to sell the Z for a station wagon HA! (they don't even make station wagons anymore do they?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mmmm]Homer March 2, 2004 Share [Mmmm]Homer Member March 2, 2004 There's always make up sex Goot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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