NOFX June 25, 2008 Share NOFX Member June 25, 2008 (edited) So what are you supposed to do when...... You date someone for about a year in a distance relationship. Things are going well, but she now wants to move in with you. Im really not ready to move in with someone. So I tell her I dont think its a good idea right now because it will just cause things to not work in the long run and neither of us would have our space. So she pretty much tells me it's over if we don't live closer. a note here, she can't get her own place in this area. Its way to expensive and she doesn't have anyone to live with like a roommate or anything down here. The way Im seeing it is... Me suck it and let her move in and I will probably hate it and be unhappy(but Im not sure of this) OR just say f it, I'm better off by myself anyway(this way guarantees happiness).... You only live once man, Im leaning toward the latter. Edited June 25, 2008 by NOFX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stutters June 25, 2008 Share stutters GC Alumni June 25, 2008 stay strong, live alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unclean June 25, 2008 Share Unclean Member June 25, 2008 If not now, when could you see yourself living with her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOFX June 25, 2008 Author Share NOFX Member June 25, 2008 The thing is, Im perfectly happy living alone.... I'm a very independent person and I already feel less independent with a girlfriend, but if she were to move in, I would feel like I gave up all independence and I would never have time to myself. It sucks because she's the best girl I have ever dated.. Most have nothing but self-interest and everything is at your expense. I don't know when I can see myself living with a girl.. Maybe in a few years, but not now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norguard June 25, 2008 Share Norguard Member June 25, 2008 The fun bit is that you need to come to the point in your life where you realize that living with somebody doesn't necessarily mean that you are no longer independent, but independent along with another independent person, who shares a mutual goal. I mean, living with someone, you'd lose a few things that you could see as being independent (like... ...throwing house parties for the Swedish bikini team...) ...but that doesn't necessarily mean that you will stop being you. Yes, it takes more work, and a lot of communication, and likely some concessions, but people can't be entirely dependent upon one another. It just doesn't work. If somebody is 100% dependent upon you, and can do nothing for themselves, or likewise, if you are 100% dependent upon someone else, and can do absolutely nothing for yourself, it's just not going to work. Of course, it takes two people to see this. A relationship's health is only as good as the collective health of both members... ...and of course, take all of this with a pinch of salt. In the end, you know you (hopefully) better than anyone else. And you know her better than a bunch of guys scattered across North America (again, hopefully)... ...and all of this is coming from a guy that has been terminally single for the better part of six years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magruter June 25, 2008 Share Magruter Member June 25, 2008 You must not like sex.... Have her move in. Think about the nooky! *By no means do I promote having intimate relations out of wedlock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeroDamage June 25, 2008 Share ZeroDamage Member June 25, 2008 I met your girl. She is pretty and came off as really nice. You know that meeting someone that you agree with on most all levels and get along great with doesn't happen that often and may never happen again. Do not let your "stupid man ego" get in the way of what may be long term happiness. We men like our space and if you work it out with her, you will still get it but also get regular sex. You gotta give some to get some. It's a positive that she is asking it. It means she likes you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boiler June 25, 2008 Share boiler Member June 25, 2008 I agree with a lot of Norgaurd's post, but I want to add a few things. The "right" solution for you is entirely dependent on the types of people you and your girlfriend are and having a mutual understanding. After we got engaged, I got an apartment with my then-fiance which we lived in for roughly 10 months. At first it was a little grating because we felt "obligated" to do things together all the time since we saw each other all the time. We had a talk after the first month or so about it though, and both expressed our desire to still have some independence and "alone" time. We've been married now for over a year and live in a much bigger townhome and we each still have our personal space and independence when we need it. You just need to have a mutual understanding that would still allow both of you to do what you want when you need to. I love my wife dearly and love doing things and hanging out with her, but we both still need "personal" time. I can still go out with my friends when I want. Of course you will be giving up COMPLETE freedom (just as you would with any roommate) but, at least for me, the positives of living with her far outweigh the few drawbacks. Of course, having a big enough place that allows for doing separate things in separate rooms helps tremendously. My wife frequently watches TV in the other room while I watch something else in the living room or play a game, and that's just fine with both of us. If you really feel that strongly about her and believe that the two of you can still get time to yourselves and retain independent lives (and that she can agree to this) then I think it would be worth a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke June 26, 2008 Share MrDuke Member June 26, 2008 I let Kel move in during my independent stage. I had the ideal situation (clean house, meals, "benefits",etc) and ended up losing all my toys and independence via marriage. It was worth it... but boy did it happen fast. When I asked my wife what happened she said... and I quote... "Oh, I was just courting you. Those days are over". They are crafty and sneaky, like ninjas. Check the closets for ninja robes frequently... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher June 26, 2008 Share Preacher Member June 26, 2008 Unless you can say "I can't live without her" you don't want to live with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bushwack June 26, 2008 Share bushwack Member June 26, 2008 There are no threats in a true relationship. She should just accept your answer and leave you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwEEziL June 26, 2008 Share dwEEziL Member June 26, 2008 If you have nothing other than your own "I want to be on my own" thoughts", then maybe you should take a step back and rethink it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demoner June 26, 2008 Share Demoner Member June 26, 2008 If you have nothing other than your own "I want to be on my own" thoughts", then maybe you should take a step back and rethink it. +1 for agreement with dweezil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa June 26, 2008 Share Playaa Member June 26, 2008 If you have nothing other than your own "I want to be on my own" thoughts", then maybe you should take a step back and rethink it. +1 for agreement with dweezil +2 Would you rather live with her and be a little less free (but gain some amazing experiences that you will love) or would you rather lose her altogether but stay free? If the answer is number 2, then end it...otherwise what's the point of the relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeroDamage June 26, 2008 Share ZeroDamage Member June 26, 2008 It's like I said. If the woman wants to move in with you - a man - then that cannot be a bad thing. Obviously she has some feelings for you. Not something to reject likely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymo June 26, 2008 Share anonymo Member June 26, 2008 I say if it means ending the relationship if she doesn't move in with you, let her do it...see how it goes...the relationship is over either way unless you guys get along while living together. Seems like an easy answer (in theory). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOFX June 26, 2008 Author Share NOFX Member June 26, 2008 I say if it means ending the relationship if she doesn't move in with you, let her do it...see how it goes...the relationship is over either way unless you guys get along while living together. Seems like an easy answer (in theory). this is what I decided on last night... might as well see how it goes.. If it sucks, then Im going to feel like an donkey letting her move in and then telling her it isn't going to work. But whatever, otherwise I would never know.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bushwack June 26, 2008 Share bushwack Member June 26, 2008 It's like I said. If the woman wants to move in with you - a man - then that cannot be a bad thing. Obviously she has some feelings for you. Not something to reject likely. I've had a relationship go bad once, moving in is not always a good thing. Depending on the person, some get lazy and just leech off of ya and when you tell them it's time to leave they say they have no where else to go to and the crying and BS starts. She says she'll change and she does for a week then the cycle starts over again till she leaves you one day out of the blue because she says your an a$$hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwEEziL June 26, 2008 Share dwEEziL Member June 26, 2008 Remember that, even though it is your place, you are now sharing it. I suggest you get all the little things in order to begin with, i.e., make sure she knows what her monthly rent/utilities will be, cleaning schedule, etc. I mean, you guys are dating, but you're also roommates in the sense of cohabiting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeroDamage June 26, 2008 Share ZeroDamage Member June 26, 2008 Yeah, what Dweez says. Then when you two get married, you can put her donkey to work in the kitchen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOFX June 27, 2008 Author Share NOFX Member June 27, 2008 well as much as you guys are nookie obsessed.. I tried talking to her about it and I feel comfortable now that I have talked to her and told her we should try it. But she is still saying that she is upset over me initially saying "I'm worried about us moving in together,......" So she is says she doesn't want to "try" anything and that she doesn't think she can move in.... Oh well, I can see this game she is playing. She wants me to beg her to move in, which Im not going to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demoner June 27, 2008 Share Demoner Member June 27, 2008 sounds like she doesn't know what she wants if you ask me or you are right about her wanting you to beg her to move in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwEEziL June 27, 2008 Share dwEEziL Member June 27, 2008 How old are you and how old is this girl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeroDamage June 27, 2008 Share ZeroDamage Member June 27, 2008 well as much as you guys are nookie obsessed.. I tried talking to her about it and I feel comfortable now that I have talked to her and told her we should try it. But she is still saying that she is upset over me initially saying "I'm worried about us moving in together,......" So she is says she doesn't want to "try" anything and that she doesn't think she can move in.... Oh well, I can see this game she is playing. She wants me to beg her to move in, which Im not going to do. Sounds like a woman to me. She wants to know that you need and want her. At the same time, she doesn't want to beg or ask you because she doesn't want to feed the man's ego. This is the behavior of most women. It is up to you as to how to proceed from here. (Women are typically more emotional where men are more thought or logic oriented. That's not meant as an insult, just the way things typically are. Not always but typically) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher June 27, 2008 Share Preacher Member June 27, 2008 You need to lay out exactly where you see your relationship is and where you see it going in the future. She, like most women, wants to prove your love to herself through acts of love like moving in together. You need to let her know exactly how you feel for her and whether or not you see the relationship moving on to the marriage stage or not. If you can never see her as the MRS. then you need to drop her off at the corner now cuz she wants to move that direction and she's pushing for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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