When is the time to pop the question?

[AceMcbanon]

For you married fraggers out there what advice could you give a 22 year old college student regarding marriage? She graduates in a couple months and will be moving to find sometype of journalism job. I'm stuck here for at least a year in a half. I know she wants me to ask but I'm scared we are rushing it. Although i do want to ask. I'm sure plenty of you have heard he occasionaly over the years.

 

Wait till I have a steady job?, a home, possesions other then a computer and a geo prizm?? She lets me play counter-strike and go fishing so will she take these things away from me once she finally fastens the ball and chain for good?

 

Plus I'm always scared she might run away with either Lunk, Stepback or sanders. Or even worse all 3 at once.

Edited October 6, 2004 by AceMcbanon

[Mossad]

Its nice to be financially stable, it cuts down on the silly fights. But in the end if you feel its the right move you need to follow your instincts. Good luck to ya bud BTW, how do you plan on popping the question?

 

 

sidenote: Look how long all of us have been playing together or socializing, everyone is growing up, getting married, having kids. Crazy stuff I wonder who the first one to have grandkids I'm trying to remembe how long I've been around ya guys, 5-6 years?

Edited October 6, 2004 by Mossad

[linch]

How long have you two been together? You obviously love her because your considering it, but don't propose if it is because she is going to move away and you want to make sure she doesn't leave you.

 

However, that being said... is she expecting some form of commitment before she moves? Before I proposed (months before) we talked about the "what if's" if we got married would we have kids, where would you want to live, etc, etc. Once you know she is the (for the lack of better words) suitable wife.. propose!

[SwOOp]

Ace no one but you can decide when the right time is to pop the question. But if you are certain that she is the one for you, you can ask whenever you want and set the date for the wedding down the road a bit. I got married at 21 and have been with my wife 7 years now and still don't have any end in sight. Sometimes waiting to get married until you are financially set can pay off, but at the same time so can going through times that are rough together. So all in all the decision is yours.

[gOOters]

Good post swoop.

 

Good luck Ace. Dont propose for the wrong reasons, thats all I can say. Also, dont let your own petty fears get in the way.

 

I would hope that Counterstrike and Fishing wouldnt randomly get taken away! Seem like pretty innocuous pasttimes. Although my wife took away me going to the bar with the guys

[Magruter]

Welp this coming from a guy that getting married in 17 days, i keep getting reminded everytime i talk to the wifey to be... Ace you know when the time is right, i've been living my grandfather for the past 2 years, to save up a little nest egg. Which i hope will help, but money isn't always everything, you can make alot of situations great just with the two of you and a fun idea. That's how i saw it when i proposed, it didn't look at the details of the future relationship, i just asked myself two questions:

Scott, do you love this girl? and

Will you be happy for the rest of your life with her.

Both were a big yes. It may sound a little selfish, but if your not happy how are you going to make others happy??

[Fatty]

Get engaged. Set the date for after you graduate, and make sure you graduate. I'm not saying put it off so as to "test" for longer, cause heck, if you feel like you have to "test" then scratch it now....I think in your gut you should know.

 

Make sure the stork doesn't visit for a few years at least...I mean make sure. You have time for kids. Kids are great but right now has to be about you and her. Spend your first years working out the quirks of marriage w/o kids, then, right when you think everything is getting great, things settle down and improve again, and you can actually see that light once more, add children and come back to reality.

 

This is not coming from a "we never fight" guy. I married a hard-headed woman...we thought being so similar was just so perfect for us...bahah! I love her more than the day I married her, but I'll never lie to you and tell you it's easy.

 

Get involved with a church and attend together! I can honestly say that without the personal commitment to God and the seriousness of marriage that comes through that, I probably would have walked several times. I can only thank God for His faithfulness.

 

Life is good! Good luck!

[Guest zerodamage]

Get engaged.  Set the date for after you graduate, and make sure you graduate.  I'm not saying put it off so as to "test" for longer, cause heck, if you feel like you have to "test" then scratch it now....I think in your gut you should know.

 

Make sure the stork doesn't visit for a few years at least...I mean make sure.  You have time for kids.  Kids are great but right now has to be about you and her.  Spend your first years working out the quirks of marriage w/o kids, then, right when you think everything is getting great, things settle down and improve again, and you can actually see that light once more, add children and come back to reality.  

 

This is not coming from a "we never fight" guy.  I married a hard-headed woman...we thought being so similar was just so perfect for us...bahah!  I love her more than the day I married her, but I'll never lie to you and tell you it's easy. 

 

Get involved with a church and attend together!  I can honestly say that without the personal commitment to God and the seriousness of marriage that comes through that, I probably would have walked several times.  I can only thank God for His faithfulness.

 

Life is good!  Good luck!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

I couldn't have said it better.

[Playaa]

I COULD HAVE!

but I won't

 

 

listen to the Fatster

 

and I definatly gotta agree on the "wait a bit for kids" thing...believe me, even if she is your one true love...there's gonna be some crap to go through, and throwing in a child too soon just ain't good.

[Magruter]

Kids are for old people... ...you know, like Lunk.

[gOOters]

kids...a shiver just ran up my spine.

 

Heh, I know I want kids and they will be my life, but NOT YET!!!

[Bubblegum Bandit]

Kids are for old people...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

[Batman]

I was married at 21 and first kid at 22. We wish we would have waited a few yrs but God had other plans.. LOL kids are a gift from God and i wouldnt have had 3 total if i didnt think so..

 

But listen to Fatty... His advise is very sound..

Edited October 6, 2004 by Batman

[Guest PDO]

Best of luck ace.

 

I know noting on the subjcet of long term relationships, but Fatty looks like he knows what he's talking about :].

[Lunk]

Alright, since I've been dragged into this conversation. And my names been used in vain. I guess I should speak up.

 

There is no right or wrong time to propose. You just have to figure out that this is what you want. And move forward.

 

When my wife and I got married we certainly weren't financially stable. I was an E-4 (translates to peon) in the Air Force and my wife had just completed her first year of medical school. So, we were living paycheck to paycheck. But, we didn't let that stop us from having a good time. We had a blast. And part of that was because we decided to hold off on having kids. We were married 6 years before our first one was born. We've been married 11 years now. And we just had our second child in June. So, I would suggest holding off on having kids right away. Because it is a big transition getting married. And it takes time to work everything out.

 

As far as arguing/fighting with each other. Well, we've had our ups and downs. I honestly have to say, we've had more ups then downs.

 

One little tip on fighting: Never go to "bed" mad at one another. My wife and I agreed to this from the start. And let me tell you it was a tough one to stick to. In the beginning we had a few sleepless nights. We would still be arguing when the sun came up. You soon realize that there are more inportant things in life than fighting about money spent here, a dumb comment about something or whatever.

 

These days we rarely fight. Our love & respect for each other has grown substantially. And we take each others ideas/feelings into account when we make our decisions. And no major decisions are made without discussing it with one another.

 

It's been a helluva ride. But, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

Good luck to you Ace.

 

PS: Ace eventually her heart will mend and she will soon be over me

[Crowbar]

Awsome point Lunk, and one I continually enforce in my marriage: NEVER go to *bed* (since Texans can't spell) mad at each other. In other words, resolve a fight right away, because it won't get resolved if you put it off, and someone [she] will hold a grudge.

I proposed to my wife simply because I thought "why not?" Well, we got married 9 months later and since then I've received some answers to my question. But I have never regretted marriage. There have been a lot of tough times, especialy in the 7 - 12 months after getting married. Take your bond very seriously and remember back on what it was like being alone, and you'll work out anything.

Financially, just make it work. If you wait "until you have enough money" you'll likely be waiting a lot longer than you forsee. Propose, set a date, then work hard and save hard, and pray you have the money you'll need. I went into marriage with about $600 in the bank. She had no money. We scraped together enough for a security deposit and first month's rent in an apartment. Thank God that we got almost $1600 in cash for wedding presents. Basically, put your marriage first, everything else will fall into place for you if you work together, and trust God for it.

[MC_Ranger]

Well, I don't post often, but I'd consider it a moral crime if I didn't lend some of my wisdom and experience to anything related to marriage (and, on a larger scale, women - Trouble can vouch for my sincerity).

 

WHATEVER you do, DO NOT take marriage advice from g00t! Don't let him fool you into thinking his wife "took away his bar night". No no no ... he GAVE that one away. I'm still upset he didn't take my original advice.

 

And let me augment Lunk's advice about fighting and never going to bed mad. Make SURE you win EVERY argument. Even if you lose - act like you won. Even if it upsets them, women respect irrational and stubborn behavior. She'll love you more for it. I promise.

 

Also, you are in a unique situation here. She's graduating and you have some time left to get your degree. That means she's available to work full time at a decent paying job. Two words: SUGAR MAMA. If you play your cards right, you can change your major at least TWICE, dragging out your degree for another 3 or 4 years. That's a long, beautiful ride on the deadbeat love train. Women are born nurturers - it's what they do. You'll be doing her a favor.

 

Finally, regarding Fatty's advice on attending church together. Don't get me wrong, that's a good idea - but let's call that "Plan B". As an alternative, get her HEAVILY involved in church. With a little luck she could be committed to church activities ALL DAY on sunday - which leaves you free to watch football on the big screen TV that she just paid for. That's just good livin'.

 

I'd love to post more, but my breakfast is ready and I need to go over my wife's "to do" list to set some priorities for her today. Our lawn needs mowing big time. She should have time to knock that out before spending the afternoon at church . . .

 

Good luck!

[gOOters]

ya, listen to MC, he's right. I still get it every couple of weeks too. I'm just a naturally wild type, but you have to be ready to put your wife first, before yourself. If you do, and you have chosen well, the rest will fall into place.

 

Be ready to work hard! Be ready for tough times! But the rewards are amazing.

[Xterminator]

good luck to you ACE whatever you choose to do will feel right Yeah Moss you're right everyone's gettin hitched.....but dont worry....your's truly is still single

[duma]

I have not read any of the responces, so excuse this post if it is a repeat.

 

Where you are in life shouldn't be the major concern. You should ask yourself if this lady is really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. The second question, are you capable of making that decision at this time?

 

Some people are a bit more mature than others. There are those that know where they are going in life, and know how they will get there. This is a basic responsibilty issue. Have you considered your future, and if so, have you considered the best way to help YOU obtain it?

 

Now, the reason I say where you are in life, isn't such a major importance, is because if you can answer the above questions, than you will know if you are ready. Your concern should be your own happiness, and who you can be.

 

I know that sounds a bit egotistic, and I would say rightfully so. Making yourself better prepared will help make your life a better one, and if your life is better, so will be those who are around you (wife + kids).

 

The question also goes a bit more to yourself, than the question "when is the right time?" The fact you are asking this question leaves me to suspect you are not ready. The answer isn't in your core, and it seems she is using this as a way to maintain a releationship whiel you are not seeing each other all the time. Speaking from experience, distance doesn't ruin a healthy releationship; it can crush one that isn't doing so well.

 

Good luck to you, and your gf.

Edited October 10, 2004 by duma