problem with lust.

[Guest anonymous]

i have a really bad lust problem. i CAN'T not look at a girl without lusting, and it's really hard for me to be social with girls. i am addicted to porn and masturbation, and have no idea where to turn. i have tried stopping before, but satan is just too strong in this area of my life, and has his biggest foothold on me here. please, prayer and advice?

[TheReverend(c)]

i have a really bad lust problem. i CAN'T not look at a girl without lusting, and it's really hard for me to be social with girls. i am addicted to porn and masturbation, and have no idea where to turn. i have tried stopping before, but satan is just too strong in this area of my life, and has his biggest foothold on me here. please, prayer and advice?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

How old are you? If you dont mind saying.

Edited January 23, 2006 by TheReverend(c)

[Guest anonymous]

i am in my teen years, between 15 and 18. cant say exactly.

[wayfarer]

Unfortunately, a lot of people do not realize how much of a problem

pornography has become. For some people it's not that big of a deal.

For others it is a very tragic never-ending loop of self destruction.

It is very unfortunate that it is not against the law. Just like any

addiction, it is more than capable of destroying peoples lives.

I found it kind of ironic while watching the television show "cops"

one time. The police had an undercover female police officer poseing

as a hooker so they could nail a bunch of "johns" (no reference to SJ)

Funny thing was there was an adult video store in the backround the

whole time. Hypocrisy at it's finest. I can not think of any way to help you,

but this might be a start.

 

I am very sensitve to issues involving this subject. It is without a

doubt the reason why I am single. I'm not going to be anonymous

about it. Everyone has their achilles's heal. Being anonymous will

not allow you the help you so deserve just for taking the step that you

did by posting here. No one can understand just how badly my life has

been destroyed by this problem unless I were to explain it. Alas, my unique

situation is far too tragic. It will not be explained because I feel like I am

putting a burden on other people needlessly. I come here to forget my

problems. not bring them with me. But that is me. Not you. If you need

someone to be an accountability partner, I am here.

[Guest anonymous]

at the stage i am in right now, it's not just embarrasing. its a raging problem, and has been one for several years. ever since i was 12 about. i am not at the point where i can talk about it freely with people i know, and it's one of my darkest secrets that NOONE knows. i know that it is going to be a problem in my future relationships, and i also have anger and pride issues that will not help either. i am seriously afraid of my future, and am afraid of what the opposite sex will think of me when they find out who i really am under the nice kid they think i am. i am really serious here, i have dug myself a hole too deep to get out of on my own, and i just can't bring myself to ask my friends for help.

Edited January 23, 2006 by anonymous

[J. Dunlavy]

i have a really bad lust problem. i CAN'T not look at a girl without lusting, and it's really hard for me to be social with girls. i am addicted to porn and masturbation, and have no idea where to turn. i have tried stopping before, but satan is just too strong in this area of my life, and has his biggest foothold on me here. please, prayer and advice?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lust is, indeed, one of the trickier sins to deal with. It is seemingly harmless, and people will tell you that it is natural. And it is... on a biological level. However, as human beings, I feel we should strive towards self-awareness and control, and this requires a great deal of discipline. As a Christian, this also propels you towards godliness.

 

Good luck with your problem; you'll probably be dealing with for a few years, if not your entire life. Not to scare you, but remember lust can kill your relationships, ruin marriages, destroy the sanctity of sex, and even KILL YOU, in this day and age.

 

Sincerely,

 

Josh

 

P.S. Stay the hell away from my girlfriend.

Edited January 23, 2006 by J. Dunlavy

[ephemeral]

i think that dunlavy is mostly correct, escept on a few points.

our world does indeed tell us that lust is natural, and biologically it is. but spiritually and mentally, lust is DESTRUCTION. we see it on TV every day, in almost every movie now, and even on childrens shows. i heard SEVERAL questionable comments in the recent movie...doh, can't remember what it's called, but it's one of those calymation ones. oh yeah, the new wallace and grommet. anyways, no matter where we go its a problem, especially with the newest fashions in girls today. girls know that they are attracting guys, but few know that they are making a huge problem too, and you will only attract the kind of guy who will try to use you with that fashion; good guys are HARD to come by these days. just look in the high schools. anyways, so yes, lust is something that we will deal with the rest of our life, but it doesn't have to be a death trap, and it doesn't have to control us. with god's help, and the fellowship our fellow christian friends, we can do anything. just be accountable to each other. it says so many times in the bible that we are supposed to be accountable to each other, and it helps, believe me.

 

lust CAN be controlled, you just have to really want to stop. YOU HAVE TO BE DEDICATED. don't stray, or let satan give yourself excuses, like "oh it doesn't really matter" or "you can always try later" or this one "just one last time..." if you keep that attitude, there will never be a last time, and you will NEVER get control of yourself. and marriages will be destroyed, relationships lost... if you need any help, my gift is giving advice about stuff that i don't even really understand...my friends are always telling me that my advice is way beyond my age. i am 17 by the way, so i am/have going/gone through the same things. also remember, that you will always mess up again, but the real way to tell if you are over the addiction is if it rules your life anymore...also, if you can just go without it. like smoking for instance, its not an addiction the first time, you can stop if you really want to, but after a while, you need help. *breath* well thats my say on this, hopefully it all makes sense. i really could be a speaker if i didn't stutter so much and could organize my thoughts clearly...

 

PS: i met a sweet girl in church last sunday, went out to eat with SlapDash and his fam with her...she's getting back to me on a concert...hope all goes well!!! pray for me, i really need a good chicka friend right now.

Edited January 24, 2006 by ephemeral

[CowboyFromHell`X]

and am afraid of what the opposite sex will think of me when they find out who i really am under the nice kid they think i am. i am really serious here, i have dug myself a hole too deep to get out of on my own, and i just can't bring myself to ask my friends for help.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Well you said right there that people think you're a nice person. Alot of people have a tendency to believe they're something that they're not, while the people who know them the closest know who they really are. We all have little things that make us unique or weird, but if it's something you would like to change the best thing would be to talk to someone who went through a similar situation and learn from them how to deal with it.

 

If you think someone will judge you or look at you differently (hence the anonymous) then talk to people you are most comfortable with. Most of the time the anticipation of something happening (what you think they'll say to you) is alot worse than when you actually do speak to them (what they actually will say.)

 

There's alot of nice people on these forums and I want you to know that I for one am in no position to judge another person. I wish you the best of luck and I believe you can vanquish this enemy. The most important thing though is that YOU need to believe you can get over it.

[wayfarer]

Wow, some really good things being said here!

These feelings that you have are not wrong. They are just being

focused in the wrong direction. Don't kid yourself either if you

think a "nice girl" will not understand your strong sex drive.

Although this might not be true with all women, experience has

taught me your likely to find that "nice girl" has a pretty strong

sex drive herself! I think ephemeral is in the right here. You should

seek to find a woman in your church group that you can confide in.

This is what can make a bond between a man and a woman so powerful.

 

Genisis 2, 18-24

18 And the LORD God said, "[it is] not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."  19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought [them] to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that [was] its name.  20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.  21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.  22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.  23 And Adam said: "This [is] now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."  24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 

 

It was designed this way. Look, and ye shall find. Knock, and the door

shall be opened. Ask, and ye shall recieve. I know this is in there somewhere

but I could'nt find it.

 

PS: i met a sweet girl in church last sunday, went out to eat with SlapDash and his fam with her...she's getting back to me on a concert...hope all goes well!!! pray for me, i really need a good chicka friend right now.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good luck! I will pray for you.

[Guest anonymous]

wow thanx you guys, i really feel like you guys have helped me alot, even if only in knowing that there are other people sharing my problem too, and that there are people who care. honest opinion now, preferably ask an actual girl before posting; are girls scared away by problems like mine?

[Clueless]

Well, im sure that once there is a serious girl in the picture, this will be less of a problem, im sure you will be quite...um....occupied at that point. Sounds like normal growing pains to me, just nowadays, porn is so easy to come by, no more sneaking in your dads room and rummaging around looking for a stray Playboy in the sock drawer.....well.....im guessing thats how it used to be

[J. Dunlavy]

wow thanx you guys, i really feel like you guys have helped me alot, even if only in knowing that there are other people sharing my problem too, and that there are people who care. honest opinion now, preferably ask an actual girl before posting; are girls scared away by problems like mine?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

**rolls eyes**

 

This is where I start coming across as crass and cynical.

 

The answer to your question: Yes and no. If you are seeking girls who are looking for a soulmate, a companion, and a future husband, then yes, your attitude and this problem of yours will scare the crap out them. Struggling with lust is indicative of many problems. Lust can lead to dehumanizing behavior towards your mate, infidelity, obsession, etc. As ephemeral said, these products of lust are obviously destructive.

 

You will NOT scare away the women who are seeking males that will abuse them, use them, and dominate them. This is where I get cynical, since, for some reason, I have dated my fair share of girls like these. The relationships never last, the girls are totally nuts, they cheat, and eventually, they all become strippers or drug addicts. Sadly, there are MANY girls like this.

 

Oddly enough, I met these girls IN CHURCH who, after we broke up, years later, became just that - strippers and drug addicts.

 

I don't know what my problem is. I'm just attracted to "goth"... people with issues. I suppose their crappy lives makes me feel more on top of things, as I am more preoccupied with status.

 

Anyway, relationships are complicated, dude. The more you can simplify them, the easier your life will be.

 

...And, here is the best advice you can get: Put yourself in the others' shoes. You are addicted to porn and have lust issues, right? How would you like a girl you cared about to have the same problems? Think about it? She'd be chasing around guys, looking at porn, and doing who knows what else.

 

Sincerely,

 

Dunlavy

[Pestilence]

I don't know if this will help you out any, but I will try. I have been in your situation and am still kinda in it. As long as you believe in yourself that you can overcome what you need to then I believe it won't be much of a prblm. The solution to your prblm starts with you. Thats just my two cents and I doubt its even worth that, but I thought i'd try. Good Luck and if you need more advice, i'm sure someone here can give you some.

Edited January 25, 2006 by Pestilence

[Guest anonymous]

wow you guys, so much good advice. i feel like i am starting to get a handle on this. thanks so much guys.

[ephemeral]

wow what a good topic huh guys? this is something that i have wanted to talk about for a long time, because i have some of the same problems, and i always make sense of things better when i talk about it. although, anonymous, sometimes, i will admit...it is very hard. but it is something you have to get over, and like cowboy said, sometimes the dread is actually worse than just letting it go. in the end, lust will EITHER destroy you, or make you stronger, as you understand yourself; weaknesses and strengths. also, that feeling of "i'm never getting out of this" won't ever go away unless you just let god fix you, heal you. just ask him for the strength, and then let it go. he will start to do stuff for you. for me, it was my girlfriend calling me whever i was getting into something i shouldn't have. i have broken up with her since...for different reasons, but it just shows that god is really real, because there were just too many times that it happened at JUST the right time for it to be a coincidence. now, don't expect god to do it everytime, because he doesn't work like that; well he could, but he needs you to work with him. you can't just expect him to save you everytime. byt this i mean, don't test him, by going and looking for porn and then seeing if he will save you, because he won't; your heart isn't right. just have faith that he can save you, and try to stop. i promise, it works. worked for me. worked for many of my friends. also, try to find, like somebody said above, someone who has gone through the same thing you are; they can help you alot.

[NOFX]

My advice to you is look more into whats on the inside of a person not the outside(I'm not saying forget the outside!!!) Once you do this, you will realize, everyone doesnt judge a person by physcial characteristics and you will be able to be yourself.

find a girl you like emotionally, the emotional attractiveness will previal over the physical.

 

And don't be so hard on yourself for taking a peek into your dads stack of magazines... Your not the only one, everyone else just pretends like it never happend.

[ConGregation]

Yes, this happens a lot. But remember self-justification is a dangerous thing. Just cause everyone is doing it is not a reason.

 

The internet is a big tool for pornography. Men/boys will partake in private who would NEVER walk into an adult store. If the problem persists seek God's will about becoming 'disconnected'.

 

The first step is to get a real grip on God's forgiveness. You can get right with God simply by seeking mercy. We tend to put limits on God's mercy. We think it is harder for Him to forgive something twice, and even harder the next time. Ain't so. God 'delights in mercy'. He wants you to come and get things right with Him.

 

Sometimes we get the wrong idea that God is seeking to condemn us. When in reality God wants to HELP us. This is very important to understand.

 

But I must put a 'clause' in here. Don't forget about the effects of sin. It will effect us in many way and the probably the worst way is it binds us to itself. Others would be 'greiving the Holy Spirit' so its almost like He is restrained in our lives. Dependency. Guilt. and so on. God can fix ALL OF THESE. But some things require time. Just remember his forgiveness can be instant.

 

I would also plan an escape route. Joseph fled. Don't 'fail to plan'. Know verses to quote or activities to do when the temptation comes. And the temptation will come. It will be so strong that you alone can't hanlde it. But someone can

 

Accountability is a wonderful thing. I understand the emberrasing nature of this thing. But it's amazing how much grace a mature christian has.

 

I don't have all the answers but I hope some of those things will help. I tend to think this problem is bigger in churched then a lot of people think. It is just sooo accessible nowadays.

 

Hang in there! God is in your corner!

[J. Dunlavy]

Not to detract from this topic, but some of you need to learn about paragraphs. Paragraphs are friendly measures taken by writers to ensure that readers don't go blind from reading their immense, shambling strings of sentences.

[Pestilence]

Not to detract from this topic, but some of you need to learn about paragraphs.  Paragraphs are friendly measures taken by writers to ensure that readers don't go blind from reading their immense, shambling strings of sentences.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

 

bah, I learned about paragraphs in grade school, obviously it has no importance to me.

[Fatty]

hey, pst...it's a courtesy to your readers if you want them to actually read what you type!

 

Also, I feel I should address the obvious before the question surfaces and I don't find it:

 

The account "anonymous" has been removed.

 

There are several reasons for this:

-potential abuse

-weird usage already (sorry, no details)

-the burden on LA

 

I don't want my LA, who have the ability to see IPs of posts, to be burdened with accidentally seeing who is typing what and then have to keep that to themselves. In the end, I don't want potential trouble or embaressment to come of something that was intended to be good.

 

If this had been done in a quiet manner, i.e. another account created and then some casual conversation initiated...it probably wouldn't have been a noticed at all. However, with the announcement in ChitChat, etc, it drew attention..too much, perhaps.

 

In respecting the user who created this other account, I will not dispense any details and would like to just let it go away on its own.

 

Please understand that this decision has nothing to do with this serious topic. GC encourages the use of the Private Message system to perhaps someone that you can obviously trust that has replied here.

[Pestilence]

hey, pst...it's a courtesy to your readers if you want them to actually read what you type!

 

Sorry Fatty , I will be more considerate when writing long replies. I knew that grammer school education would come in handy some day! I might as well put it to use.

Edited January 25, 2006 by Pestilence

[ephemeral]

well i thought the account was a good idea. but maybe cowboy is right, if you are asking for help finally, maybe you should just go all out and just ask it with your name. i promise you, every guy in here has gone through the same problems. we're all here to help!

[CowboyFromHell`X]

I wouldn't advise to go right out into the public and scream at the top of your lungs either.

 

Just tell the people you are closest with. The ones you can trust the most out of all the people you know in life. Honestly if you don't want to tell anyone just tell God, He's the best there is with situations like that.

[JackieChan]

My advice to you is look more into whats on the inside of a person not the outside(I'm not saying forget the outside!!!)  Once you do this, you will realize, everyone doesnt judge a person by physcial characteristics and you will be able to be yourself.

find a girl you like emotionally, the emotional attractiveness will previal over the physical.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

That's why I hate trying to find female friends in High School. It's the exact opposite to them. They don't care about what's on the inside. They only care what's on the outside. All the jerky jocks (meaning that the jocks treat women like crap) get the women while the nice geeks get their glasses to play with (but I don't have glasses).

 

As the years go by, it'll be easier to find women who like you for who you are.

[Norguard]

Jackie, ...it's not totally true.

 

...there's a perpetual cycle in motion, thanks to the current values of our society:

 

Guys want girls for a good time, girls want guys to validate them.

 

Guys spend money on girls to make them feel special, girls give guys what they want.

 

Guys spend money making themselves look flashier, and girls hop from guy to guy.

 

Guys end up looking like jerks, and being dominating to prove that they're the Alpha, and girls end up being manipulative gold-diggers...

 

...might be a little cynical, but if you don't see the patterns in the general populous, chances are, you're either one of those people, or in a crowd with them.

 

I promise you that there will be people like that in your life for just about as long as you live... ...even cheating/swinging 60+ year olds.

 

The good news is that as soon as university is over, and just about everybody is strung out, a large majority of them realize that they were complete idiots, and that their value system at the time was totally skewed. Some through foresight, some through insight, and most through the hindsight of consequence.

 

Stay away from the people who know what's right and intentionally ignore it. ...they think they're going to have their fun, and then get life back in order, once it's 'time to be mature', but it rarely happens that way.

 

So many times in highschool, I heard "You know, when I'm older, I want to marry somebody just like you." - roughly translated, that means: "When I'm a strung out, jaded, poor, single mother, working a night-shift while trying to get my highschool equivalence, I'll really need a nice, dependable, responsible guy like you to talk to me and take care of me... ...just don't think that you're going to be getting any when we're married. That's reserved for the next-door neighbour."

 

That may sound a little bitter, but just after they give you the "someone just like you" talk, they'll run off with their boyfriend of the hour, to skip class and do various drugs. The paragraph would be snide if it weren't proven to be sadly true at least twice, by my highschool peers.

 

That being said - don't worry about it too much: The good guys win in the end... ...how long the story is, is personal, but they do triumph. There are great girls out there, just the same as there are good guys looking for them... ...don't worry about it too much.

 

Anonymous, whomever you may have been, lust is a really easy trap to fall into, and one of the hardest to get out of... ...the important part is to not get down or beat yourself up about it - that's not the attitude of somebody who will overcome. You are empowered to do good things. The first good thing you need to do, is deal with this snare. Confess and repent, and you can rejoice and get on with doing the rest of the good works out there for you to do.

 

It sounds easy, and really, it is... ...you just have to will your way through, sometimes. That tends to be the tricky part. Confide in somebody - a close friend or an elder. You don't need to tell them the most intimate of details - you do need to tell them about your struggle.

 

I will be honest here, and say that the closer I get to where I'm looking at marriage with my ladyfriend, the more I get those thoughts creeping into the back of my head... They're normal, healthy male thoughts, and are a part of how we are wired - but it's what we do with them that counts. I spend too much time being happy and having fun around her, for me to focus on my attraction to her... ...for the time being... ...it's when I'm away from her that the lyrics to "Wouldn't it be Nice", by the Beach Boys start running through my head.

 

Wether it's accountability here, or accountability in your daily world, a friend to lean on is important. ...but if somebody else is going to shoulder your burden, you have to get the weight off of your chest first. If you've got friends here who respect you, PM them. Especially if they've already replied to this topic, or are sensitive to the subject.

 

I will say that talking to girls about it can make situations more uncomfortable than they need to be. ...girls are really great to talk to off-hand, and casually about deep or personal issues... ...but if you're harbouring feelings for her, or she you, the situation can get a little hairy.

 

One happily married couple I know, almost lost their relationship when the guy told his fiance that he had an addiction to porn. That's a hard pill for somebody else to swallow - especially if your current relationship is romantic, but not physical... ...that news can feel almost as bad as finding out you're cheating on them.

 

I don't expect you to respond, especially after the closing of the account, but I will say that you should have faith, and believe that you have been given the strength to overcome this, and the grace to move past it.

Edited January 27, 2006 by Norguard