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Peckles

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Status Updates posted by Peckles

  1. Peckles

    I have a girlish figure to maintain. It's unconscious in my closet.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Jibbajabba

      Jibbajabba

      I can only assume that peckles is saying he just now realized he wants to be a transvestite.

    3. Biggs

      Biggs

      Have you ever had a grass-fed burger? So much better than corn-fed.

    4. Fairweather

      Fairweather

      pickles go well on burgers

  2. Peckles

    I hear that Italian cruise ship captain got sentenced to anchor management.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Biggs

      Biggs

      Are you a comedian? Honestly, now.

    3. Peckles

      Peckles

      Why yes, I am. Of sorts, anyway. Have you seen my site? http://www.oatpoets.com/

    4. MPG1770

      MPG1770

      My friend won a Mediterranean Cruise on the lettery, it was a roll-over.

  3. Peckles

    I just drank a lot of water. Now I'm waiting to pee before I go to bed.

    1. Girlzilla

      Girlzilla

      Water you do, don't move.

  4. Peckles

    I just soiled myself. Soon I will be a beautiful garden.

    1. LadyYuri

      LadyYuri

      lawl thanks for the laughs

    2. turnbullTeRRoR

      turnbullTeRRoR

      Don't wanna know how you got that green thumb

    3. BrohamMC

      BrohamMC

      lol

       

  5. Peckles

    I keep hearing feeble pleas for help coming from my basement. Really need to work on my knots.

    1. Biggs

      Biggs

      Want to go bowline?

  6. Peckles

    I killed an accordionist. Now that polkahauntus.

  7. Peckles

    I like my eggs over-easy, because it has the word 'ovaries' in it.

  8. Peckles

    I looked at my calendar, and I suddenly realised that my days are numbered.

    1. JackieChan

      JackieChan

      ba dum tsh

    2. TheDude

      TheDude

      lol.

       

  9. Peckles

    I lost interest in politics when discovered a stimulus package wasn't what I thought it was.

    1. lousiest

      lousiest

      Hahaha

  10. Peckles

    I love my bed. When I'm on it, nothing else mattress.

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      Wait 'til you get a girlfriend...

    2. Peckles

      Peckles

      She doesn't live with me yet so I still control the bed. I'll enjoy it while I can.

  11. Peckles

    I mugged someone. Got tea everywhere.

  12. Peckles

    I often walk around the house naked, until the neighbours chase me inside.

    1. Fairweather

      Fairweather

      most likely chasing your peckle

  13. Peckles

    I poisoned my dog so he can't keep chasing that baby giraffe.

  14. Peckles

    I prefixed 'hearse' with 'puppy'

  15. Peckles

    I put the Lydian on the Aeolian Ionian, put it in the Phrygian and Locrian'd the Dorian.

    1. Biggs

      Biggs

      Did you at least throw some chanting in there?

    2. yErMoTH3r

      yErMoTH3r

      yea wheres the video...

  16. Peckles

    I rubbed my butt on Oprah's couch today.

    1. Biggs

      Biggs

      That's what I'd call grand l'arse'eny

    2. boiler

      boiler

      iswydt

  17. Peckles

    I saw a cloud with a crown. Must be reigning.

    1. Cake

      Cake

      *like

    2. Fairweather

      Fairweather

      pickles*

       

  18. Peckles

    I screwed up while making bread. Guess I didn't knead it enough.

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      Dough!

    2. Biggs

      Biggs

      You shouldn't have been loafing around so much.

    3. JackieChan

      JackieChan

      These bread puns are a bit stale.

  19. Peckles

    I severely underestimated the power of a beard tan.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Peckles

      Peckles

      There I was, stranded in a lonely boat, for a week. I called for help, but only small fish responded, and mockingly at that. Eventually, I drifted ashore with the tide, when lo, a mountain man besieged me. He tore his own beard off, leaving me blinded by the skin beneath. Now I am blind and am dictating to a friendly helper monkey. I can only assume.

    3. amertrash

      amertrash

      Biggs, grow a beard, where it in summer sunlight for a month, then shave it off. For added effect wear sunglasses for the month as well.

    4. TheLaw

      TheLaw

      haha

  20. Peckles

    I shook my cat and it turned in to an oscillot

    1. Lookback

      Lookback

      Must've been just purring when that happened...

  21. Peckles

    I should work in a funeral home, because I can't stop coffin.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Kuma

      Kuma

      Well, you don't want dead people calling in

    3. Biggs

      Biggs

      That joke was ap'pall'ing

    4. Peckles

      Peckles

      I urned the criticism.

  22. Peckles

    I successfully inserted a USB on the third try. Personal best.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. shaftiel

      shaftiel

      That's what got me into trouble in college.

    3. Lookback

      Lookback

      That's what she said...

    4. Cinkadeus

      Cinkadeus

      This would at least reduce it to two tries. http://dornob.com/double-sided-usb-solves-painfully-universal-design-problem/#axzz2PJvBO8sx

  23. Peckles

    I swallowed a fly. The zipper got stuck in my esophagus.

  24. Peckles

    I swallowed a fly. The zipper got stuck in my esophagus.

  25. Peckles

    I think I just need to start drinking on all my days off so that when there's an issue at work I legally can't go fix it

    1. crasx

      crasx

      i see nothing wrong with that

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