Kaanin January 27, 2006 Share Kaanin Member January 27, 2006 (edited) Ok, So my best friend is named Justin, known him since 4th grade, hes like a brother to me, weve hard our hard times and are better times. Sara Is my first girlfriend, this april 30th will be out 2nd year aniverssary. She has only cheated on me once, WAY WAY back when we first started she kissed this guy when she was out with a bunch of bad influence friends and they took her shirt and wouldent give it back unless she kissed him (she was wearing a sports bra) It was in a full car. Thats long gone, ive forgiven her. Recently my friend Justin broke up with his second girlfriend Katie. My friend Justin is a musician and his emotion fuels his tallent, so hes over emotional. Well my girlfriend and him have always been close friends, and even at times i felt slightly uncomfortable with it (sometimes thaywd talk for like 2-3 hours on the phone) But I knew I could trust them. One thing about Justin, hes in introvert, and he has a soft spot for women, he trusts them, he will go tell my girlfriend about his problems before he goes to me, hell he went to her before he went to Katie because he had known Sara longer and Saras a really trustworthy person. Well Yesterday Sara was with Justin and Justin was crying because he just broke up with Katie, I guess my Sara felt bad for him. Justin leaned in to kiss her and Sara didnt stop him. Im not sure how long they kissed, and im guessing that wasnt the only thing on, im sure there was some other attraction (emotionally...physically whatever) but nothing else happend, afterwords Sara made him leave. For me it really hurts, i trusted them so much, (mind you all 3 of us are christians, this thing may be acceptable in some rings but not ours) and they did this. Right now if i saw Justin i would beat the hell out of him. With Sara I feel kindof disgusted. One situation im in Is that Sara is my first G/F. And I feel like im missing out on the whole dating part of teenage life by being with her for almoast 2 years, and before this incident it probably would a gone on much longer, perhaps to marrige. Its like eating angel food cake, and then you see someone eating bread. You know the angel food cake is better, but you wanna try the bread because youve never had it. Im debateing on what to do, let things blow over, time will heal the wounds, and i should just pick it up. Or do I try dating others for once, ive always wandered what other girls would be like. Or do I date other girls with plans to come back to Sara. I dont know. For those of you who took the time to read it, thank you. Debate. I wanna see what you guys have to say. Im 19, Sara and Justin are 18. Edited January 27, 2006 by Kaanin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ephemeral January 27, 2006 Share ephemeral Member January 27, 2006 i don't have time now, but i have a TON of good advice for you. later tonight kkk? see ya then. you can PM me if you want too, if you don't want it to be open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunk January 27, 2006 Share Lunk Member January 27, 2006 You've probably heard this before but here goes: To be honest, you're to young to be getting yourself tied down with any one girl. You should be out having fun without the emotional baggage that comes with relationships. Now for something less parental. Forgive them both. Remain FRIENDS with them both. And press on. Use this as a learning experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa January 27, 2006 Share Playaa Member January 27, 2006 Kaanin, I don't know you at all...but I'm still gonna give my advice. First of all...how did you find out about this? Did they tell you about it? If they did, then that right there shows that they want forgiveness. We're all human and we make mistakes. Second. Lunk is right...forgive them. Life will ALWAYS throw things your way that hurt...that's not meant to be depressing...just saying that's why we need more than what this earth can give us...we need comfort and strength. That said...be wary. I'm not saying be untrustful...but be honest and tell them both that it has changed your relationships forever and they had better realize that if it happens again it will probably be the last time. Tell them both that they had better be careful too. If it is a weakness of theirs because they are both prone to strong emotions...then they sure better have the strength to stay away from each other when they're alone. They don't need to end THEIR friendship because of this...but there probably needs to be limits and borders that don't need to be crossed. I'll keep you in my prayers man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ephemeral January 27, 2006 Share ephemeral Member January 27, 2006 (edited) actually, i'll make time now man. well, this sounds like it really hurts man...i know exactly how it feels, becuase in my last relationship, my girlfriend kept on talking about her last boyfriend, and it seemed really innapropriate, but every time i tried to talk to her, she pretty much exploded at me, and saw no reason why she should get over him...yeah it was really bad. then she would always come back later and say how sorry she was about it, and wasn't thinking when she talked...until her next bout of doubt. she was constantly doubting us, and everytime she saw him she would fall right back into it again. she never kissed him, but she would hug him all the time. after a while, she was trearing him better than me, and sticking up for him a TON more than me, and i just couldn't take it any more. how old are you kaani? i assume we are the same age, juniors? yeah, it seems like you just wasted your life on this girl, and for me, there was really nothing to fix...she lived too far away, and i really couldn't care about someone who acted like that. but for you...well it really depends. is she kinda flirty? watch out for flirty girls...you don't want them around, because i guarentee that you aren't the only one that she is flirting with...and it WILL bring problems later. look for girls who are more quiet, and not girls who KNOW that they are good-looking and use it. is she someone that you could spend the rest of your life with at this point? imagine yourself without her. can you see it? does she talk to you before she talks to him? and your friend, i think that in his moment of weakness, he really just needed some care, and reacted wrongly. he probably does have a small care for her, but i think that he regrets kissing her, and probably didn't mean anything by it. forgive him, there is nothing else you can do. talk to your gf, ask her why she did it. maybe she was trying to comfort him and didn't think. all i know is that it's always so easy to break up, but you always have second thoughts later. i know what you mean by wanting to date other girls and then coming back, but it NEVER works that way. you always grow apart, and the jealousy of seeing you/her with another guy/girl will eat you up, and ruin whatever relationship you are in. my advice is to try as hard as you can to patch this up, if you really want her. but, sometimes things just aren't meant to be. who knows. pray alot, and one thing that works for me is just sit still, in a completely quiet place for about 10 minutes, and let god talk to you. sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn;t, but you always feel better, and it helps you organize your thoughts really well. everytime i'm worried, or doubting anyone, i just find a silent place to sit and think, and let god talk to me. by the way, i have found that dating in high school is not such a good idea, it's better to just be friends as long as you can, keep it fun as long as possible, and then when it is really not possible to be just friends anymore, take the next step. well, that's mine man, hope all goes well. by the way, you can pray for me, there is this awesome girl i met that i would like to get to know. i'll be praying for you man. Edited January 27, 2006 by ephemeral Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty January 27, 2006 Share Fatty GC Founder January 27, 2006 Yeah this one time at a family reunion I saw lunk kissing a farm animal and it messed me up for a long time....but I'm ok now. Dude, tell em it's cool and start dating. Honestly. She'll take you for all she's worth. You sound like you're in control....then do like Lunk says...forgive them and move on. EDIT: ephemeral, you need to start respecting the forum readers and start applying some writing skills.....if not capitals, etc...at least work some paragraphs. I'm not joking. I'm gonna start deleting these skyscraping, ugly, brick posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ephemeral January 27, 2006 Share ephemeral Member January 27, 2006 fatty is right here...think about it, and if you still think she is worth it, just tell her what fatty said and move on...never bring it up again. you will have ALL her respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty January 27, 2006 Share Fatty GC Founder January 27, 2006 Fatty only said what lunk said, so that makes lunk right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOFX January 27, 2006 Share NOFX Member January 27, 2006 Yeah this one time at a family reunion I saw lunk kissing a farm animal and it messed me up for a long time....but I'm ok now. Dude, tell em it's cool and start dating. Honestly. She'll take you for all she's worth. You sound like you're in control....then do like Lunk says...forgive them and move on. EDIT: ephemeral, you need to start respecting the forum readers and start applying some writing skills.....if not capitals, etc...at least work some paragraphs. I'm not joking. I'm gonna start deleting these skyscraping, ugly, brick posts. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> go with fatty on this one. Show her that you are independent and can make up your own mind. Tell her it is cool, but you just want to take some time for yourself. I would bet in the end, this would bring her closer to you instead of push her away. Also, you get to see all the other fish in the sea and you might not want her back. Just dont burn any bridges. and yes ephemral, im not going to read that. Its impossible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duma January 27, 2006 Share duma Member January 27, 2006 To be honest, you're to young to be getting yourself tied down with any one girl. You should be out having fun without the emotional baggage that comes with relationships. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I agree with Lunk, in everythign he said, but more so with the above. That thought being raised, I will not say it again. My perspective has always been that once a person has cheated, it ends the relationship. There is a line of theory that a person cheats because they want the relationship to be over, so they ruin it the best way they know. Whether you subscribe to that or not, you have to wonder why this person felt cheating on you would not ruin what you have. There is also the line of theory, as has been said many times, once a cheater, always a cheater. Perhaps your gf was "forced" into the kiss the first time (though that is suspect simply because she could have just said 'no,' and how does one get in that situation in the first place?), but this time she was not forced. As such, she has cheated on you twice. How many more times does she get? It is difficult, I know. I was engaged to a girl who cheated on me (with a good friend none-the-less). I decided that I should be respected; that she should have thought of me before doing as she had. And how dare my friend? You can make excuses all you want. You can except anything she says as justifiable reason(s). But at the end of the day, you've been hurt by a person that you trusted - that you should be able to trust. Cheating is a bad thing; I would move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaanin January 27, 2006 Author Share Kaanin Member January 27, 2006 (edited) The thing thats so hard Is I knew shes worth it, shes a great person, she truely is one of the best girls ill probably ever meet. The part that hurts is that im torn, I know I shouldent be tied down, I know i should date around, I want to, I see other girls and read and wonder just what it would be like to try dating them. But Sara is just, you gotta understand shes one of THOSE girls. The kind that every guy would kill to date, she beautifull, she cute, shes funny, shes nice to everyone, shes not flirty, shes moraly right, shes fair to everyone, and dispite what it sounds like..shes truswtworthy. I blame both this situations on others, this occasion was Justins fault, she got caught up in the emotion, she felt bad for him, and she felt horrible afterwords and she wont stop crying. and the previous time was alot of bad influece and not thinking. It hurts so much thinking to leave her, but I know in my heart and mind I shouldent be tied down. Btw I said I was 19, and they are 18. I just started college so im in the perfect time to make this change. In my high school there was 200 students, so 100 are girls, start taking away the girls you wouldent date, girls that wouldent take you, and the girls that are taken and your left with 0. I got really lucky with her. But now im in college, and Im making new friends and doing new things, I could start over if I wanted to, now would be the time. But I dont want to lose what i got. im in over my head. Edited January 27, 2006 by Kaanin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa January 27, 2006 Share Playaa Member January 27, 2006 But I dont want to lose what i got. seems pretty clear to me. and the "I shouldn't be tied down" line is crap...get tied down as much as you want. This world is jacked up with people thinking that someone who is 19 years old shouldn't be with one person. I'm sorry but that's flat out wrong. If you don't want to lose her, then don't. And yes...I have had plenty of friends in your situation and usually it's pretty obvious what needs to be done by the reactions people have. To me it sounds as if she's sorry and he's sorry and you don't want to lose her. That's quite clear cut. pain sucks...get over it and do what you want...even if you think it's going to cause you more pain. I see that MrDuke is posting right now...I highly suggest listening to him...he's an emotionally strong guy who is a Christian... here's to hoping he doesn't disagree with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke January 27, 2006 Share MrDuke Member January 27, 2006 I've written and rewritten 3 posts for this thread. I'm having some bad flashbacks! Short, not so sweet and to the point? It takes 2 people to make a relationship work no matter how hard the 1 wants it. The ball is in her court, if she wants it to happen then make it happen. If you're heading off to college, enjoy it. Welcome to the big leagues. Not very empathetic but it's easier to read and has the proper punctuation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ephemeral January 27, 2006 Share ephemeral Member January 27, 2006 i personally think you should give her another try...but let her know where you are at. also, listen to mrduke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ephemeral January 27, 2006 Share ephemeral Member January 27, 2006 Not very empathetic but it's easier to read and has the proper punctuation. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> lol like mine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke January 27, 2006 Share MrDuke Member January 27, 2006 Not very empathetic but it's easier to read and has the proper punctuation. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> lol like mine? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I can't get anything by you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chamberlain January 27, 2006 Share Chamberlain Member January 27, 2006 Can't help ya a bit... <- Dead on the inside. Men are weak, women can be extremly EVIL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher January 27, 2006 Share Preacher Member January 27, 2006 Trust = foundation of the relationship No trust in a relationship = chaos and unhappiness. The problem is that your best friend is a sleezebag, emotional or not - freakin come on! He knows she's your girl and makes the move anyway? What kind of low class pile of crap goes down that road? Drop em both, move the heck on. Find you a decent girl who isn't for sale at any price. Someone who deserves the heartfelt love you give to her. I mean seriously can you see yourself married to someone who might wilt cuz she has sympothy for some dude's plight? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terribleone January 27, 2006 Share Terribleone Member January 27, 2006 to me cheating literaly!! i don't believe in it its happened to me sorta and i won't stand by it and let it happen just my belief i think if someone cheats on you they obviously didn't care now if been married for several years i might MIGHT forgive and move on but i suggest trying to remain friends though it will be hard though i say go out and try something new you never know who you are going to meet!!!! its quite fun!! might save some money up too.... do something for youself!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vovik January 28, 2006 Share Vovik Member January 28, 2006 My advice? Don't listen to half these losers ( ) here giving you advice. You're a grown man, should decide for yourself what to do. Men shouldn't be all touchy-feely talking about their relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terribleone January 28, 2006 Share Terribleone Member January 28, 2006 vovik too buff for us eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alvin January 28, 2006 Share alvin Member January 28, 2006 I'd say forgive and forget.. Even though you'll hate seeing those two together at school or while you're out. But yeah.. staying friends would be a good idea.. you don't have to *i wouldn't*.. Then.. get an anti-social girlfriend that won't be intimidated by others and give into temtations! *like mine!* Example of what girlfriend would say: Alvin:"So.. lets do some naught stuff, its only us two here! You know.. make out.. cuddle or huggle up! " Girlfriend:"Shut up, don't try anything! *punch* If you do i'm going to grab your sword, stab you through the gut 10 times and then smash your head until it looks like red jam.. Then cut the rest of your body into a bunch of pieces and flush them down the toilet one by one.." So yeah.. that works.. its.. pretty imtimidating and would make anyone back off.. and thats the exact plan she has if i ever make a move on her.. >_< So.. those girl kind of girlfriends are the kind you can trust with your life *is happy* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VooDooPC January 28, 2006 Share VooDooPC Member January 28, 2006 WARNING: Never follow my advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vovik January 28, 2006 Share Vovik Member January 28, 2006 so that guy got a website tattoo on his back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VooDooPC January 28, 2006 Share VooDooPC Member January 28, 2006 Where's a better place to advertise than a boxers back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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