I've been wronged

[duma]

I'm frustrated. My neighbor has been in Iraq for over a year. She left shortly after she moved in. During the time she has been away, I have mowed, fertilized, and trimmed her lawn.

 

She came home about a week ago. After she got back, on a Saturday night at 9pm, the cops came to our door. The cop said that a neighbor complained about our dog barking. I'm not saying that our dog never barks, but the dog barking that night wasn't our dog - and our dog seldom barks. Besides that, it was 9pm on a Saturday. I suspected it was her just because in the 3 years we have had our dog, we have never had an issue, but the day she comes home, we do.

 

A few days later I saw her out front. I asked if our dog bothered her the other night. She said "no." But she knew the cops were looking for a dog barking. Although anyone can infer that the cops were there after I asked her, she didn't even wonder - she stated that she knew that is why the cops were out and about.

 

Yesterday we got a ticket on my mother-in-law's car. She has parked it on the street because it was leaking oil. It was going to be fixed on Friday, but she parked it in front of the neighbors house (another car was in front of our house) on Wed. The ticket we got said the car had been there for over 48 hours without being moved (true) and that a person had complained.

 

I called the cops to find out who complained (if the could tell me), or at least what they said. The cop said that he couldn't tell me who called, but the person stated, "I don't want any trouble with my neighbors, but..." I figured it was the guy across the street that has four cars and parks in front of our house all the time. I no longer suspected our neighbor because she went back to Iraq the other night. So, when I saw him getting out of his car (my pc is in a room that faces the street), I ran out to talk.

 

I told him that he ought to be careful because someone is calling the cops on cars parked here. He immediately pointed to our neighbor's house. He told me that he saw her talking to the cop on Wed (the day the ticket is dated for starting the 48 hours).

 

Well now she is no longer here for me to confront. But I don't think I need to doubt who has been calling anymore. I left a note on our shared neighbor's door, who keeps in email contact with her. I explained the situation, and asked that she tell her that unless she can deny it - and convince me - then she needs to find someone to start mowing her lawn; as of right now, I am not mowing it.

 

This all just angers me. I've taken care of her property for over a year now. I spent money on the weed killer, fertilizer, and gas. That doesn't even consider my time spent. I never asked for anything in return, nor would I have wanted anything. I thought I was being a good neighbor to a person fighting for the country. Now, I feel wronged. How dare she? All she had to do was talk to us. I can't figure out why she would act this way.... but now she has an enemy where once stood a good neighbor.

[3vil]

i think that it is a sad day when you can't do something for someone,

out of the goodness of your own heart,and be treated the way you were.

i would find out what happened while she was over there.it sounds like she has issues that

need to be fixed.imo i say you were being a good neighbor and friend,taking

care of her property while she was serving.if my neighbor went to serve,i

would do what i could to help,weeding,trimming look after the house,(i live

in the mojave desert so nooo mowing:) ).i hope that you guys can get past what ever happened.

i know what it's like to battle with neighbors.

[duma]

I have no doubt she had a hard time over there. I don't need to know details; all that doesn't matter. Anyone can come back and ask a person to move the car instead of calling the cops, or explain why they called the cops on our dog (who was not barking).

 

The issue here is that as kind as I have been to her, calling the cops on us twice is just wrong. I didn't ask for money for what I have done, but I do ask for respect - and perhaps more respect then would be given otherwise. Her answer about the dog seems to suggest she wanted drama, and the car seems to suggest she wants to cause trouble. After all, she isn't even here for the car to be a problem for her. Why call the cops?

[anonymo]

That sucks duma...she sounds like she needs some drama and/or something to stick her nose into. I've come across so many people like that in life. It's obvious she's afriad to confront you in anyway herself so she needs to call the cops. I think you should have a chat with your local precinct and explain to them what started happening. I highly doubt they are happy to get called for something so petty.

 

Hey...if she's gone for so long, you should plant a certain "herb" in her garden...then the next time she calls the cops maybe they'll notice something they didn't see before...

[MrDuke]

Swallow the pride and turn the cheek. Be upfront, but forgiving.

 

I understand you had issues with a dog and a parked car while you were home. While hurt by the methods you chose, I will not make it a reason to stop being courteous. Unless otherwise directed, I will continue to mow, fertilize and care for your property while you are away.

 

She may not even be thankful or appreciative when she returns again. But you can look in the mirror and know you are being the better person.

 

The right road isn't always the easiest road...

[Shazz]

I am with Duke on this one.

 

If you stop doing what you have always done in the past, it will just add more fuel to the fire.

 

Continue to be a great neighbor and she won't have anything to use against you. She will be the one looking like the idiot.

[duma]

I can't do that Duke. Why would I continue to spend my time and money on a person who acts as she has? Now I have to pay a ticket because she felt like calling the cops about a car that wasn't even there 12 hours (when she complained), and wasn't going to be an issue for her since she was going back to Iraq. Her actions are meritless.

 

I just spoke with the mutual neighbor. She is going to give her the info and my email so we can chat. Perhaps she has a good explination.

 

The mutual neighbor doesnt think she called about the dog. She doubts the car too. I told her what that guy said, and she thinks it was him. Perhaps that could be... I guess we will find out soon.

[anonymo]

Yeah sounds like you should just play some CS until you are 100% positive about the events...I mean if you start planting illegal drugs in her mailbox and letting your illegal migrant workers sleep in her garage and it turns out she had nothing to do with it, won't you look silly!

[TheGeek]

I'm with duke as well. If you do the right thing it will always come back good, if its now or 5 years later.

[MrDuke]

...Why would I continue to spend my time and money on a person who acts as she has?

 

You do good deeds because you're a good person and that's what good people do. You don't do them for recognition (or a cookie, as my wife says).

I didn't say it would be easy or that you can't feel wronged or angry. It's tough, I know.

You made the decision to do the right thing before all this started, don't let emotions cloud your judgement now. Turn the cheek...

 

 

From a Christian perspective, this is how I think to gain clarity:

Take the situation, fly back in time to when Christ was teaching and pose the question to him.

 

"Lord, why would I continue to spend my time and money on a person who acts as she has?"

 

What do you think he would say?

[YoMamma]

then she needs to find someone to start mowing her lawn; as of right now, I am not mowing it.

 

Good. You shouldn't. She obviously is doesn't appreciate your kindness as a neighbor. This is assuming it was her FOR SURE who called the police. Hopefully she'll at least be honest with you through email.

Edited May 20, 2006 by YoMamma

[stutters]

after reading your first post, i was going to mention something about using grass killer to fertilize the lawn. then i read duke's post, and dangit, he's right.

[w8t4time]

an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind

 

gandi

[Mustard's CoffeeMaker]

First of all, I agree that you should wait to take any action -like ceasing to mow the lawn, etc- until you are 100% positive it was her. Then, if it was her, and she is unapologetic, or feels her actions were justified, then stop doing her any favors. Why, oh, why on earth should you expose yourself to that kind of negativity and selfishness? To feel like a good person? Please. If you want to feel like a good person and a good neighbor, volunteer at a soup kitchen or your local animal shelter. Don't let her walk all over you for the sake of doing a good deed. Especially if she's not going to appreciate it. There's no need to be a martyr. Of course you don't do good deeds for a pat on the back, but it's kind of dumb to let someone walk all over you.

Edited May 20, 2006 by Mustard's CoffeeMaker

[YoMamma]

First of all, I agree that you should wait to take any action -like ceasing to mow the lawn, etc- until you are 100% positive it was her. Then, if it was her, and she is unapologetic, or feels her actions were justified, then stop doing her any favors. Why, oh, why on earth should you expose yourself to that kind of negativity and selfishness? To feel like a good person? Please. If you want to feel like a good person and a good neighbor, volunteer at a soup kitchen or your local animal shelter. Don't let her walk all over you for the sake of dong a good deed. Especially if she's not going to appreciate it. There's no need to be a martyr. Of course you don't do good deeds for a pat on the back, but it's kind of dumb to let someone walk all over you.

 

I couldnt agree more with you

[NOFX]

If I was you, I would just quit mowing her yard and not say anything to her. then I would take a dump on her porch in front of her door.

[ConGregation]

As a christian my duty would be clear. Not that it would be easy, probably one of the most unnatural things we are requested to do.

 

At work I got into a situation. A guy that works in the department next to me (he sets roofs) threatened to quit. He had been there a long time, even a little longer than me. Ever since then they have gone way out of their way (i'm speaking of management) to make him happy. Well they put in a remote to control the hoists that raise and lower the roofs. Sounds like a nice idea but it really hinders me. Me and my partner have to use those hoists when we 'switch over' the carrier that holds the roof. We have to climb on a roof that is dangling by two chains (i.e. wobbly) and hook and unhook two hoists. Then we have to climb off and rehook the empty carrier. We do this while the roof is 25 feet in the air. Probably the most dangerous thing I do.

 

The remote hinders because the hoists used to have controllers attached to cables that we would use to maintain our balance and hold onto in case a foot slipped or something.

 

Before they put this remote in no one ever asked us what we thought about it. I easily could have told them how it would have hindered us. After they put it in no one asked us how we liked it. I would also mention that it only helps the 'roof setter' just a little (one extra walk down to the other hoist to lift that end).

 

But when I told my foreman that this new gadget is less safe, slower and much more awkward to use, I was told the plant manager said "The remote is NOT coming out".

 

So then I talk to the plant manager and he is reasonable about it. Said he would see if we could have both cables and the remote. Meanwhile I am getting more and more frustrated using the thing.

 

Then I fell.

 

Luckily I didn't fall all the way to the floor and out of control. But I did fall hard straddling the 'lower rail' of the roof (a 2x6). I was fortunate that the really sensitive part didn't hit full force. They didn't like it even as it was. I ended up with a real nasty bruise on the inside of my leg. This would have been prevented if we had the cables.

 

I go back to my boss. He still does nothing. By now I am really steamed. But I realize I have to maintain my testimony. I know that part of it was just my flesh saying "They better treat me right and who cares about the whiny roof setter" (who isn't a bad guy in reality).

 

Then at lunch I head to the restroom. The plant manager and the roof setter were taking care of duty in adjacent stalls. They didn't see me. The roof setter was complaining about me. That I was just an old dog that was just stubborn and the remote wasn't that bad for me to use changing roofs. Now I had done that job for 12 years. My pride said I knew that job pretty darn well and wanted to tell him that right there. But I tried to restrain knowing what God wants of me. All I said was "Is that so, Joe?" Boy he was suprised to see me standing behind him. Then I walked out before I said something stupid.

 

All lunch I prayed. I so wanted to make it a 'me against him' thing. To demand they put the cables back in or threaten to quit. But God helped me. He showed me (although I didn't want to see it) that Joe wasn't being malicious just giving his opinion. Then God showed me how some of that opinion was true. I asked the Lord to help me honor Him in this situation and not honor myself.

 

When I went back to work I never said anything. Joe acted really nice to me like he was guilty. Eventually we worked it all out so that Joe operates the remote for us and they tied some ropes for us to hang on to.

 

Now I know our stories don't exactly parallel. But the principle that helped me in my situation actually fits yours.

 

I preached a sermon recently entitled "In Christ's Stead". In that message I first looked at God's mercy to us. He is good to us when we deserve bad. He is merciful to us when we deserve judgement. He loves us when we deserve to be despised. I then showed how Christ asks us to do these same things to those around us. The scriptures couldn't be clearer about this.

 

It then culminated in this truth. We have this great "treasure in earthen vessels". God is soo good to us. We need to let God work 'out' what he has already worked 'in'. To love like He loves. etc.

 

The one point that applies to us both is Romans 2. It says "the goodness of God leadeth thee to repenctence" It implies that God is good to me when I am in need of repentence. In other words, God is good to me when I deserve bad.

 

(Mat 5:44) But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

 

Read Luke 6:30-38. It lays it all out.

 

Believe me, I know it ain't easy. But it's right. I get the privilege to honor Christ by showing others by example what HE has done for me.

 

Hope this helps. Duke nailed it when he asked "WWJD?" And sorry for the sermon

[duma]

I don't ask "WWJD." This isn't a job. I made a choice to be nice. This wasn't, and isn't for recognition. I did it to help her out. I didn't need a thank you, and I am not doing it to prove I am nice guy.

 

I don't have to do this. Just as she made a choice to wrong me, I am making a choice to no longer help her. That doesn't make me a bad neighbor, nor negate that I am still a good neighbor.

 

There isn't a need to cause damage to anything she has. After I am sure she has called the cops, I will tell her she now must find someone to take care of her lawn.

 

Also, I didn't do this to get a carte blanche. Had she asked me to move it, told me to shut my dog up, I would have. I just don't like how she did it. I don't think anyone could expect their neighbor to act this way (at least when you have done as I have). So as for exposing myself to it - I just never expected it.

Edited May 20, 2006 by duma

[YoMamma]

After I am sure she has called the cops, I will tell her she now must find someone to take care of her lawn.

 

Wait, I got it! She didn't like the way her lawn looked when she came home, so she got back at you by calling the cops!

[J. Dunlavy]

I'm frustrated. My neighbor has been in Iraq for over a year. She left shortly after she moved in. During the time she has been away, I have mowed, fertilized, and trimmed her lawn.

 

She came home about a week ago. After she got back, on a Saturday night at 9pm, the cops came to our door. The cop said that a neighbor complained about our dog barking. I'm not saying that our dog never barks, but the dog barking that night wasn't our dog - and our dog seldom barks. Besides that, it was 9pm on a Saturday. I suspected it was her just because in the 3 years we have had our dog, we have never had an issue, but the day she comes home, we do.

 

A few days later I saw her out front. I asked if our dog bothered her the other night. She said "no." But she knew the cops were looking for a dog barking. Although anyone can infer that the cops were there after I asked her, she didn't even wonder - she stated that she knew that is why the cops were out and about.

 

Yesterday we got a ticket on my mother-in-law's car. She has parked it on the street because it was leaking oil. It was going to be fixed on Friday, but she parked it in front of the neighbors house (another car was in front of our house) on Wed. The ticket we got said the car had been there for over 48 hours without being moved (true) and that a person had complained.

 

I called the cops to find out who complained (if the could tell me), or at least what they said. The cop said that he couldn't tell me who called, but the person stated, "I don't want any trouble with my neighbors, but..." I figured it was the guy across the street that has four cars and parks in front of our house all the time. I no longer suspected our neighbor because she went back to Iraq the other night. So, when I saw him getting out of his car (my pc is in a room that faces the street), I ran out to talk.

 

I told him that he ought to be careful because someone is calling the cops on cars parked here. He immediately pointed to our neighbor's house. He told me that he saw her talking to the cop on Wed (the day the ticket is dated for starting the 48 hours).

 

Well now she is no longer here for me to confront. But I don't think I need to doubt who has been calling anymore. I left a note on our shared neighbor's door, who keeps in email contact with her. I explained the situation, and asked that she tell her that unless she can deny it - and convince me - then she needs to find someone to start mowing her lawn; as of right now, I am not mowing it.

 

This all just angers me. I've taken care of her property for over a year now. I spent money on the weed killer, fertilizer, and gas. That doesn't even consider my time spent. I never asked for anything in return, nor would I have wanted anything. I thought I was being a good neighbor to a person fighting for the country. Now, I feel wronged. How dare she? All she had to do was talk to us. I can't figure out why she would act this way.... but now she has an enemy where once stood a good neighbor.

I know this may sound "immoral" to you, but have you considered killing her? I find that once you kill people, they become extremely less irritable to you. Try it. Works wonders.

[Goofus Maximus]

The people fighting for our country are just that; people, with all the range of good/bad/annoying as any other people.

[Mustard's CoffeeMaker]

Great point, Goof.

 

Why, oh, why on earth should you expose yourself to that kind of negativity and selfishness?

Let me rephrase: Continue to expose yourself..... For what it's worth, I think you've made the right decision.

Edited May 20, 2006 by Mustard's CoffeeMaker