Guest UberNewb November 14, 2002 Share Guest UberNewb Guests November 14, 2002 Tape... am I really... your friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJ Premier November 14, 2002 Share DJ Premier Member November 14, 2002 Hmm.. I just found this thread. There is no way in any form of reality that I'll read the 121029102910 posts in this thread. Who's heartless anyways? Does she play or is this a random forum she happened to have found? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeabos November 14, 2002 Share Zeabos Member November 14, 2002 Heartless is a random glastonburyite that hendy has lead to these forums she doesnt actually play Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendryx November 14, 2002 Share Hendryx Member November 14, 2002 Test is now tied with Word Associationess! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gOOters November 14, 2002 Share gOOters Member November 14, 2002 now they are tied! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gOOters November 14, 2002 Share gOOters Member November 14, 2002 now test is ahead! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartless November 14, 2002 Share Heartless Member November 14, 2002 awww... thank you it made me feel bettter my next question is: Is it possible to fall in love with someone u barely ever talk directly to? Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met? cause I think its happening to me. (no names on who are being said right now) uh-oh TaPe......i think its u it's not tape..and even if it was would he care? no. Plus he has a girlfriend whom he loves and i have more respect than that. Tape is just a good friend who knows the right things to say to me... and he makes me feel like my feelings and my pain or normal.. when he doesn't know the half of it... me and hendryx are gonna go to the mall this weekend so i can play and decide if i wanna buy CS... RIGHT HENDY?! u best go with me cause im gonna be bored this weekend. but anyway.. I have a new problem.. well its old.. but new all at the same time.. I'm not sure how i feel. I love Alonie so much, i know that. And he says he loves me too, but only the kind of love that he'll always have a special place in his heart for me kinda love... doesn't give me much hope now does it? I thought for a long time thats how I still loved him.. but I'm not sure anymore... I don't know how i love him. Tears streak down my face as I'm writting this so don't mind me if my typing is messed up.. Tape keeps saying love is a wonderful thing.. and I agree that it is, but only when the other person loves u back. Otherwise love is the most painful thing to experiance. I was so foolish before, i kept telling myself I was over him and that I could move on... but I can't. I broke down today.. i have been so good.. i haven't cried or thought about him deeply in a long time.. and today I haven't STOPPED crying.. me and him will never get back together.. and that hurts.. it hurts more than you could ever imagine. I keep thinking that I'll get over him, but what if I don't? He's changed so much since he and I broke up, and he says he loves who he is now.. but I still see the look in his eyes when he looks at me. I still see the love sometimes.. i still feel it in his kiss... am i just insane? Is there any chance that at some point in time that love he will always have in his heart for me will be rekindled? And if so when? And what if it doesn't. He was the man of my dreams and I let him get away. And finally I have learned to search for a new guy.. but I don't see anyone who I'd go for.. he's the only one I am willing to go out with.. I'm so lost. I just wish I didn't have a heart.. I wish my screen name really said how I was. Because then i would never have to love, and I would never have to hurt. And people keep telling me it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.. but are you sure? Because I just feel like I could die right now.. I've wanted to so bad.. But ever attempt ends because I always think to myself... "but what if he'll give me another chance in the future.. what if I do die and I miss that chance to be happy again" everytime I think that I have to stop.. and then i usually fall asleep... and then all over again the next day I get hurt, and I try to kill myself... it's a never ending cycle of pain, physical and emotional. And I find the only joy in my life right now, is to come here, and post to you guys.. and see what you all have to say.. so what if I don't play CS? U really want me to leave? So i have NO joy in my life at all? Cause if u want that.. say so.. and I'll leave. Because I'm sure no one would miss me. I hate life.. and right now there is a certain bottle of pills and a knife calling to me... I'll be back, I hope... and maybe my tears will finally stop falling... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBugs November 14, 2002 Share TheBugs Member November 14, 2002 whos winning now?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT November 15, 2002 Share Guest SiLvEr BuLLeT Guests November 15, 2002 tied wa again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartless November 15, 2002 Share Heartless Member November 15, 2002 "Tear Stained Cheeks" Those are my tear stained cheeks I see in the mirror. Those are my eyes that are filled with terror. A night of crying had left me bitter A night of crying makes me feel like a quitter. I have given up on trying to get by, I have given up on living a lie. My head aches, and my eyes are puffy. My head aches, and my nose is stuffy. I can't seem to overcome this pain, I can't seem to overcome the tears, rain. The proof of my tears stands out on my face The proof of my tears indicates my feminine race. I may feel stupid for crying, but there is nothing I can do. I may feel stupid for crying, but I'm still crying over you. My pillow is soaked with the salty tears. My pillow is soaked, as if I cried for years. I escaped my tears in slumber, but the marks still show when I awake. I escaped my tears in slumber, but seeing you puts more tears at stake. With blood shot eyes I stare at my tear stained cheeks, reflected in the mirror before me. With blood shot eyes I glare at the humiliating image, disgusted at what I see. I hate the fact that I cried so much. I hate the fact that I can't reach out and touch. I need your hand, your hand will help me through. I need your hand, for where there's your hand, there's you. I want to put these tears to rest, and never face them again. I want to put these tears to rest, but I know that will only happen when You realize that you need me too. You realize that I'm crying over you. Then I will be fine, and my pillow dry. Then I will be fine, and I will no longer cry. But until then, I have to deal with my tear stained cheek. Until then, another cure for my tears I still seek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dennis November 15, 2002 Share Dennis Member November 15, 2002 Is it wrong to feel as i do Is it wrong for me to love you Is it wrong to dream all night to want to hold you, oh, so tight Is it wrong for our lips to touch Is it wrong to love you so much Even though we both know that our love- we never show I'll hold you close in my heart and my love for you will never part This is an ode from me to you so, always remember... "I LOVE YOU" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dennis November 15, 2002 Share Dennis Member November 15, 2002 If every time you crossed my mind, a drop of rain should fall We could swim forever, in the greatest ocean of them all. If every time I dreamed your face, A flower bloomed anew, I could walk eternally in my garden next to you. If every time I imagined your smile, a star was placed in sight, Darkness would never fall upon our love's endless light. And if every time I needed you, A bird sang its song Our symphony would keep on playing long after we are gone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendryx November 15, 2002 Share Hendryx Member November 15, 2002 Okay, so maybe I don't have any profound poetry to share with you. I'm just keeping this tied with WA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartless November 15, 2002 Share Heartless Member November 15, 2002 wow... thats all i can say. I thought men were just pigs who didn't have feelings.. and i thought when i found someone who would write something like you guys do that i found one in a million.. but i was wrong. Either I'm completely wrong about guys or this community has the greatest bunch of guys out there. I will admit I love everyone and everything right now because I'm f***ed up on riddilin but I really truely love you all and you guys are good friends to me now. You all treat me better than any of my exboyfriends ever did, and I didn't know that was possible. You guys are there for me more then they were and you actually can relate.. which is odd. But there is nothing wrong with weirdness I just wanted to thank you ALL again.. because starting now, starting today, I'm going to see the light on every dark situation. Welp enough of my mushy gooshy emotional sh*t right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJ Premier November 15, 2002 Share DJ Premier Member November 15, 2002 err...where is tape when u need him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartless November 15, 2002 Share Heartless Member November 15, 2002 yeah I know, tape hasn't posted in awhile.. he IMed me on AIM last night.. but I'm not really sure if it was him cause I have one of his quotes in my profile and i was thanking him for all he's done for me. (I'm learning to be more thankful for what people do for me if u haven't noticed.. I'm trying to stop taking everything for granted) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa November 15, 2002 Share Playaa Member November 15, 2002 you can never have enough feelings... I'd write something more profound or throw some poetry out...but I'm about as far from creative as can be... all I can say is you don't need CS to be part of this great place and you ARE part so no one can make you leave... welcome to our world...may you enjoy it thoroughly... p.s. I think you and I are the only 2 ppl who post and don't play... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartless November 15, 2002 Share Heartless Member November 15, 2002 hehe yeah i think so I'm going to go play this weekend in "PC Gaming Arena" which is like this puter place in the mall where u can play games for an hour and it costs like 6 bucks... i get everything there for free so imma go play and see if i like it or if i get too fustrated with it.. then i might buy it. I'm so happy to be apart of this community.. it's like everyone is a part of eachother.. everyone has special bonds with everyone else.. its weird... And by the way playaa don't worry about the poetry thing, i can tell just by what u say in posts that u have feelings too which makes u wonderful just the way u are.. even if u say you are not creative (but i bet u are and u just don't know it.. everyone is creative in their own way) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa November 15, 2002 Share Playaa Member November 15, 2002 p.p.s.p.s.s.s.p.s.t. --> men are pigs...but so are women...it's basically a "human" thing...we're all scum when it comes down to it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa November 15, 2002 Share Playaa Member November 15, 2002 I'm logical...not creative...I have SOME creativity...but when it comes to artistic things (i.e. writing, painting, drawing, designing) I can't do anything... but I'm cool with just being a logical kind of guy... if you go out and get CS and start playing then I'll be the only one left *sigh*... :-T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartless November 15, 2002 Share Heartless Member November 15, 2002 true dat... why can't everyone just be sweet and nice and spread the love?! why do we hate? (oy vey.. listen to me.. just last week i was saying why do we love.. hahah) My life has turned around so much from just today and just from what people have said.. hopefully this isn't another fluke like last time.. i hope this outview stays... the world is such a wonderful place just look up into the stars and you can see forever looking back at you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa November 15, 2002 Share Playaa Member November 15, 2002 we hate because we're evil...all ppl have evil in them...and we allow it to come out... since I can't write and you posted about the stars...this song was brought to my mind... "Silence" They won't see The fire you have lit inside of me They look up to the stars And wonder where you might be They look up without realizing That they're standing right there in the palm of your hand I can't explain or understand I just love You It's common knowledge That you've been dead for a while It's well known that the cross is only a burden With pains and trials But then again how come my shoes are so light How come I can walk for miles And still just love You So I think I'll stay Caught up in a silent prayer I believe in silence Our hearts speak the same word So why don't we just walk along The shoreline with a silent song Cause I believe in Silence Our hearts speak the same word We have to prove That our love is real over and over again But let them think what they want I know it will never end Because I know where it began And my heart still heart still pounds twice as fast Whenever you walk by Cause I still love you So I think I'll stay... *grin* I'm a sellout... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartless November 15, 2002 Share Heartless Member November 15, 2002 hehehe i love quotes about stars and stuff.. cause i think the stars are the beauty of all existance. Even my bass guitar's name is Black Star (yes I named my bass.. its my prize possession.. some people name their cars.. i named my bass) It's named Black Star cause it's black with glow in the dark stars all over it wheeeeeee i wanna go play so bad! But i can't cause my exboyfriend has it God i miss my bass.. uh oh.. imma about to get emotional about it.. oh no.. oh no.. oh no. Anyway back to what i was saying.. I love stars.. The most calming and soothing thing i can do for myself is just to lay out on my roof at night and look up into the sky and wonder. The hardest part about my love for stars though is that I never saw a shooting star until one night when i was with my exboyfriend (whom i love, if u weren't there for that whole thing) we were laying outside in my back yard talking about how much we love eachother and that we wanted a sign to show us that we were meant to be.. and then at that moment we both saw a shooting star together and I made my wish that I would be with him forever on that star.. that was the night that I really truely realized that I love him and that I really do want to be with him for the rest of my life.. it makes me sad just thinking about it.. *sigh* I guess only time will tell what will happen with me and him from here.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa November 15, 2002 Share Playaa Member November 15, 2002 does he know he makes you this sad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartless November 15, 2002 Share Heartless Member November 15, 2002 he sees me cry everyday... i break down everytime i see him.. because I can't let go of what him and i had.. he knows.. but he doesn't seem to care much anymore.. he's over me (so he says) but everyone I talk to says that it seems like he's just trying to get away from me so he can move on and that he really truely loves me.. see the thing is i have a mental disorder which is very hard to deal with and I made him misrable because I was misrable with myself. And we broke up because he couldn't handle it anymore.. he's changed a lot since we broke up and he says he loves who he is now, but i doubt he does because now he has been getting into more drugs and such.. and he plans so much stuff to do over the weekends to keep himself busy (so he doesn't have to think about me maybe?) but everynight he comes home and talks to me.. my friend and I talked about it last night and he said that my ex seemed like he's just afraid of getting hurt again but over time he'll get lonely enough with out me that he'll come back.. wow.. i have never wished so much that he was right. I love my ex (ahh f*ck lets use names.. his name is Alonie) so much that I really just want to see him happy.. and if he's happier with out me, fine. As long as he's happy.. but I don't think he is.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts