IGNORANT STORIES

[Cranky Bullfrog]

You may be correct Duma. Course, I live in a very large metropolitan area and I frequent literally dozens of ATMs and on no occassions have I ever once heard an ATM talk or encountered a blind person using one. Guess it's possible but I've just never run across it. I still think having such a thing in a drive-through lane is pretty odd and funny but perhaps that's just me. Again, no intent to make fun of anyone specifically with a handicap was intended - I just think the location of such a device is pretty odd. Best regards - Cranky

[gOOters]

Firefighter/EMT. My dad is a doctor and he is the one who has always told me that expired medicine is usually allright to take.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Sim, that sounds like a REALLY cool job! I used to want to do that kind of stuff when I was a kid. Never followed that path though. Good on ya!

 

Duke, your lame story had me in stitches!!!!! ROFFLEATTACKCHOPPER X 9 Missles!

[Laz.e.rus]

I used to won a pizza franchise. Heres a couple good ones:

 

1- caller: Can I get 2 Larges, double pepperoni, double sausage, Ex cheese, and Butter Cheese crust. O, adn some hot wings and cheesey bread.

 

me: (dutifully upselling for that xtra buck)..would you like anything to drink with that?

 

caller: O yeah.... a 2 liter of DIET Coke.

 

2- caller: Yeah. I got 2 large pizzas yesterday that were %^&*. I want them replaced.

 

me: Im sorry sir, what was the name on the order so I can look it up

 

Caller: Well, it was my girlfriend and I was at work, so I dont know what name.

 

me: Ummm, well......whats your girlfeinds name?

 

Caller: ahh...ehhh...um...I think its under smith

 

me: Im sorry I dont see a smith. Hey! You want me to look for a credit under Johnson then?

 

Caller: Uhh..Yeah! Thats it!

 

Me: idiot. click

[appalachian_fox]

"What the heck, man? Why can't I smoke next to the forklift?"

 

Yes, of course it was a propane forklift. And ancient. *strangle* "BECUASE I WANT TO GO HOME TO MY WIFE!!!" (not actually what I said)

 

"Oh. So propane's flammable, huh?"

 

Dude...You've got a monster propane grill. You know we use the same exact fuel, because you've filled both your tank and the forklift tank at the same place. You can even smell the propane (technically additives) when the forklift is running. *gnashrarrstrike*

[Fatty]

You've heard me, I've heard you, I'll gladly clean the thread up to save everyone's eyeballs.

[Kruten]

My dad is a doctor and he is the one who has always told me that expired medicine is usually allright to take.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah. Medicine can be good for years afterwards. We get some medicines free because of the expiration dates. My mom's an NP, so when the medicines "expire" she takes a bit home and the other nurses do the same thing. Works out well.

[Fatty]

Behind the scenes, yes. Doctors/pharmacists can't advise Joe Pub to do anything like that, though, can they? Family, sure. Did Duke ever disclose that he's a pharmacist?

[Bubblegum Bandit]

Did Duke ever disclose that he's a pharmacist?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

That's kinda what I was getting at with my post earlier.

[MrDuke]

No, but I'm pretty stupid so advertising that doesn't usually score me any points.

[mrX]

The story that comes to mind is one my dad told me about the tire shop his boss owned. Every spring, a woman would bring her car into the shop to have "summer" air put into the tires. In the fall, she'd come back for "winter" air. They'd park the car out back for a while then return it to her unchanged.

 

Just the other day tho, I had to laugh at what a fellow attorney did. We were scheduled to start trial at 1:30 but this attorney was not there. The judge called the attorney at 1:40 and spoke with him. He showed at 2:00 bearing candy bars in an effort to redeem himself. Didn't work. So he next said "I thought this hearing was only in front of a magistrate"

[dwEEziL]

At some of the McDonalds in this area, they have clearly printed on the menu board "Braille menus available".

[MrDuke]

LOL,

My wife fell for the summer air/ winter air one when she was younger.

 

I did a stint at the Goodyear Medical Center and when my mechanic buddy, Todd, wanted to go out one night, he called his wife and said he was going to be late because his car needed fixed. His blinker fluid was bad, the radiator linkage needed replaced and his flux capacitor for the air conditioner needed aligned.

 

Wasn't a problem until she called his store a while later and asked to schedule her car for an alignment and noted that it was for the steering, not the air-conditioning.

 

What a weiner!

 

I can just see Bean taking that call!!

 

"Um, there's no such...er,ah... that'll be $79.95 plus tax for the capacitor alignment".

[simkiller]

I used to be a cable guy in my previous profession and at one of my service calls there was this lady who loved to talk. What I remember most was the story she told about her daughter.

 

Okay here it is. The mothers tire on her car had been slowly leaking air for a while and she had put off repairing it. Early one morning as she was getting ready to go to work, she asked her daughter to go outside and check the tire to make sure there was enough air in it for her to get to work. The daughter said sure. Time passed and the mom wondered what was the deal with the tire, so she looked around house and found her daughter and asked her about it. The daughter said, "Oh yeah the tire is fine. Only the bottom half of the tire is flat." She was 16 years old.....

[Mad Bean]

We charge $115.95 for the flux-capacitor alignments, they take forever to get done.

[san`]

But I'm sure you can make up for the lost time Bean

[General J]

My most ignorant story comes from last night. No one said anything, unless you count the endless number of swear words that spewed from my mouth... Here goes anyhow, since this is the venting thread apparently.

*Start Vent*

I hop on Highway 70 on my new bike. There is a truck in the left lane slightly behind me, I am in the center lane, and there is a small gold car in the right hand lane. Looked like a woman driving (of no importance to the story until later, and not to be sexist in the least) and most likely on a cell phone. I admit to going a little faster than I should have been when I came up on the gold car. I am a very attentive driver while on the bike and watch people through their mirrors to make sure they see me. This person does not look to the side or in the mirror, nor do they even move their head from looking forward. I was less than 5 inches from being side swiped at about 80 mph when I made the move that probably saved me from being hit and subsequently ran over on the highway. I decide it is time to go home, park the bike, and lock the door for the night! So I get off the highway at the exit to my apartment. I am watching my mirrors for people not paying attention getting off the highway when I see a small gold car. I look over as they pull up getting ready to turn just in time to see a woman GLARE at me and quickly grab her cell phone. Only thing I could think was " Go ahead darling, call the police for almost running into me!" Moral of the story, drive or ride (whatever you choose) like everyone is out to kill you, and PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SURROUNDINGS! *End Vent*

 

Sorry guys, not so funny... But I did get my fiancee on a good one...

 

Her : What does XLT mean? Like that Explorer or on your truck, what does the XLT stand for?

 

Me : Oh I dunno.. I think it means Extra Large Trunk..

 

Her : Really?

[gOOters]

J! Hi!

[*BiGBonES**]

Heres a funny one about a friend:

 

A friend of mine was happily driving along the road on the way home, when another car manages to pull out of a side road and clip his car leaving a major dent in the front. The other driver does a runner, and starts speeding along trying to make a swift get away. My friend charges after him, trying desperatly to keep up. He searchs around for something to take down the drivers plate number, but when driving at high speeds its hard to write it down. He decides to dial 999 (uk police) and speaks to the operator:

 

Friend: 'I've just been hit by a car and the guys speeding away, can you quickly note the number plate?'

 

Operator: 'If your driving whilst on the phone then pull over immediantly'

 

My friend goes mental as this damage will cost him a bomb, but he follows the operators instructions and pulls over to hear the operator say this:

 

Operator: 'so, did you get the cars number?

 

 

In the end the operator did the right thing I suppose, but her last question was stupid. If this happened to me though i would say that i was actually a passenger in the car and not driving, so i could make sure the operator got the number.

[Bubblegum Bandit]

I have a good one about myself that happened this weekend.

 

I got a new vid capture card and got it all set up and working. Its got an EPG and scheduling deal for recording and time shifting like a TiVo. I was looking through the EPG and saw "Contender" and wanted to record it. I missed last week and figured this was a reply of last weekend's that I had missed so I set it to record. I went down last night and checked and was elated when I saw that the recording had worked. I promptly pushed play and the show started, it was contender, I leaned back in my seat ready to catch up on my TV watching. Then the people started talking.....I guess I should have taken note of the channel I was recording....the show was in Spanish...

[gOOters]

ROFL BGB!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh man, Ive done that before, TiVO'ed something on the spanish HBO...DOH!

 

btw, I have contender in my "season pass" manager on TiVO

 

I have a story to add. My wife would kill me...

 

She (my wife) is pretty clever and VERY street smart. Good business instincts and the absolute end all when it comes to organization and time/money management. She keeps all of our books, checking accts, etc. absolutely flawlessly. Without her, I would probablyy be broke and in jail.

 

Anyhow. She sometimes pulls "blondisms". Last night, I found out that she thought that people only had 1 lung.

[Cranky Bullfrog]

One of my first jobs was working as a real-time computer programmer for a chemical plant process control system. As such, I was unfortunately on call during nights and weekends. The real downer was that I had to drive 38 miles ONE-WAY to get to the plant and then 38 back home later. This one night, this instrument tech calls me and complains that one of his computer controlled production unit devices is not functioning properly. So, I went through the instructions over the phone about 17 times explaining to him this very simple command. I literally said......

"Just type in ctrl-0-103 cmd-up 80 and then enter"

 

Keep in mind this is a guy with some 7-10 years of experience in this specific production unit. He works with the process control computer every day - all through his shift.

 

Well, each time he tries it, he tells me that the computer comes back and says "invalid syntax". Note also, this is at 2:30 AM.

 

So, I finally realize that something's up with the computer and so I trudge into work half asleep - 38 miles!.

 

When I look at the I/O typer (yes we had hard copy typing devices to keep records of all commands - safety puddin - safety)...What do you think I see?

 

Typed in about 17 times I see the following:

"ctrl-0-103 cmd-up 80 ENTER"

 

Yes, that's right! He spelled out the word "ENTER" instead of just hitting the ENTER key - same key he's been banging on for the last few years!

 

I typed in the command and drove home... not happy... even... dare I say it... Cranky!

[MrDuke]

I just got flashed at work!

 

This lady comes up to the counter for another refill on her antibiotic. I remember her from the first time she filled it because she ripped up her shirt to her chin to show me the spider bite. I wasn't really prepared for that.

 

Anyway, I recognized her and at first I thought I better have something professional to say if she pulls up her shirt, but then I thought that she wouldn't do that again...would she?

Sure enough! WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOPP, up comes the shirt!

 

"Doesn't it look good?!"

 

 

Now what do you say to that?!

 

 

Looks good from here?

[Preacher]

Back in high school I worked at a Jiffy Lube and while I worked there news came down that we should avoid using a flame to observe washer fluid levels in the 500 gallon tank of washer fluid. Now this is completely dumb to me because I am aware that washer fluid contains ethonol (SP) which is quite flamable, but I take it in stride like all the other common sense things that management has revelations to hand down. Anyway not a week goes by and we hear about a Jiffy Lube in down town Chicago that explodes when the manager uses his lighter to check the washer fluid levels. He was blown into -well closed casket land- and 2 other employees were killed as well as 4 customers injured.

 

Just shows how common sense is not always common.

[Chamberlain]

Ignorant questions!

 

I live in a tourist town called Niagara Falls. For some that don't know. We got a BIG waterfall.

 

Tourist: When do the falls shut off?

 

There is lights that luminate the falls at night. The always miss-speak the question and its annoying.

 

American Ignorant Tourist: Do you take real money?

 

I have no explination for this rude statment. And I do not intend to offend anyone or lable that every american is like this cause they are not!

[MrDuke]

Ok, here's some advice. Never do this to a pharmacist because we WILL talk about you afterward...

 

This guy comes up to me this afternoon and says 'can you help me out'? He said he's got a urinary problem so I'm already thinking he needs something for the burning so I already have a recommendation for what I THINK is his problem.

He tells me, "No, it's not burning, it's a discharge" and before I can even think up the worst possible situation, it happens. Right there at my front window.

 

Well... I'm a guy and guys never look at other guys so I immediately said, "I'm not a doc and I can't diagnose. All I can do is recommend OTC stuff and there's nothing OTC for...discharge. Call your doc." And I'm also thinking, "Why in the world would you drop your drawers at a pharmacy window?!?!?"

 

EEEEEEEEESSSSHHHHH.