Cranky Bullfrog May 3, 2005 Share Cranky Bullfrog Member May 3, 2005 So glad to hear things are going ok for all of you right now Duke. Continuing the prayers...... Cranky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gOOters May 13, 2005 Share gOOters Member May 13, 2005 how r things? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playaa May 19, 2005 Share Playaa Member May 19, 2005 uh...w3rd...how are things? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke May 19, 2005 Author Share MrDuke Member May 19, 2005 Sorry, I've been enjoying the 'normalcy' around here. Update: Danielle is doing very well. She got another round of chemo Tuesday which was higher than she's ever had before and she's had NO side effects so far. She's sporting some peach fuzz on top so I can no longer say she looks like Fatty. She only has 3 more rounds of chemo over the next 1 !/2 months and then she moves into a nicer stage called maintenance. At that point she only visits the cancer clinic once a month. Life is good right now, but I'm guarded. That's normal, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayfarer May 19, 2005 Share wayfarer Member May 19, 2005 Of course that's normal!!! Fantastic to hear the news Mr Duke! My prayers are not stopping though! Hang in there buddie. Hopefully the absolute worst is over! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless May 19, 2005 Share Clueless GC Alumni May 19, 2005 Great to hear Duke,she's a tough little cutie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_Berge_00 May 21, 2005 Share Ice_Berge_00 GC Alumni May 21, 2005 That's Terrific news man!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gOOters May 23, 2005 Share gOOters Member May 23, 2005 yeah, thats gotta be normal. In fact, I would advise you to stay guarded. Meanwhile, Im gonna blink back a tear of pure joy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke May 23, 2005 Author Share MrDuke Member May 23, 2005 I'm venting, so don't reply: I used to scoff at people who said "Americans have such short memories". It insulted me. Now it makes me wonder...Is it true or is it just human nature to try to forget about the severity of things? Do Canadians cherish the past more? Japanese? Irish? French? Is it a coping mechanism to try to forget bad things? Is the empathy you felt during 9/11 just as strong as the day it happened? Oklahoma City? Terry Schiavo? How long will you hold onto that warm feeling for donating to RFKC? Reason being, I don't pray as much. When this all started, I prayed every day. Now that I THINK she'll be Ok I don't pray as much. I understand the severity of what's going on. I understand her life is still at risk. Why don't I prioritize my faith as much as I did before? I worry that my family may fall into that false sense of "we made it" only to find out like so many other cancer families that the cancer comes back and comes back with a vengence. Even though I worry about it, I don't pray for exemption from that scenario. I'm experiencing life as it used to be, or as close to it as possible. Except for a bald head, everything is like it was 9 months ago. I should be thankful for that and express it by praying...but I don't. I feel guilty because it appears that I'm using faith only when I need it the most...how bad it that! I think God answered my prayers when I asked that he take the illness from her and give it to me in order to let her live: Take my life and spare hers. I prayed for that passionately. No, I'm not dying but it looks like she'll live and here I am just ho-humming along without the passion I once held, without the reverence of that request. Why is that? Why are we passionate in moments of need, but once we get what we want we forget our passions, our debts? I don't feel like much of a Christian right now. I'm embarrassingly happy--know what I mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless May 23, 2005 Share Clueless GC Alumni May 23, 2005 Your human, and a completely normal one at that. At least you realize what you view as problems with yourself, which is more than alot of people, thats your first step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*BiGBonES** May 23, 2005 Share *BiGBonES** Member May 23, 2005 Keep praying till your all the way through!! Everything is good now, and should be ok until the end, but don't give up with the prayers yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whudats May 23, 2005 Share whudats Member May 23, 2005 Hey Dook. I know exactly what you are talking about - the perceived loss of passion, and the guilty happiness, and the loss of the "need" to pray. **Wait - first - I'm so happy to hear that things are going well. We continue to say prayers for you and your family, and every other family who has to deal with these things.** Now - just because you aren't "saying" prayers doesn't mean that you aren't praying. I know that sounds kind of weird, but let me explain. This is similar to my answer of how do you love God or how do you show that love to God? I think that we show our love of God by loving others. By genuinely, completely, and unselfishly loving and caring for others. You can say "I love God," but how do you show that? By loving and caring not only for the people in your life, but for those who aren't - like the RFKC children. The same thing goes for praying. You are "showing" your prayers by caring, loving, and enjoying what God has given you for a life. Just because you aren't verbalizing them, getting on your knees and praying, doesn't necessarliy mean you aren't praying, being grateful, and loving and thanking God for what he has given you. There is nothing wrong with being happy, my man. God wants us to be happy. I have almost finished reading a book about passion, desire, prayer, and God. I think you might be able to pull something from it: The Journey of Desire: Searching for the Life We Only Dreamed Of You are human. You were designed to ask for help when you or others need it, to pray to God when things go "wrong." You are showing your thankfulness to God by loving your family and enjoying your life with them. I can't think of a better way for you to do that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_Berge_00 May 24, 2005 Share Ice_Berge_00 GC Alumni May 24, 2005 I realize that you asked us to hold our replies, but I feel that I should say something. No need to read it now, but when you're ready... I think I understand what you mean, recently my grand father passed away. He had suffered from heart ailments as well as Parkinson's. He had a good life and lived to an age of 82 years. Now that it's been almost a couple months since his passing, when I think about him now it doesn't hit me as hard as it used to. Whudats said something similar and I agree with him. I believe that sitting down and placing our hand together isn't the only way we pray. I believe this is just the most obvious way we pray. When we think of our loved ones, our friends, strangers and even ourselves, we may be praying. God doesn't require a format or ritual just to speak to him. We do it every day and in many ways. It's not how you comminicate but why. I also believe that in times of hurt another reason we feel compelled to *pray* is that it is a coping mechanism for us. It helps us to focus on our life and our belief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preacher June 1, 2005 Share Preacher Member June 1, 2005 Man, first of all realize that God sees your heart and not your weakness. He understands your doubt when stuff goes wrong and forgives it readily. The problem of taking our Lord for granted is a huge one, but not just with you. We're all guilty of this one. Things are going good so we don't pray, we don't read the Bible, heck we even slack off on going to church. Strongest Christians out there have usually just been through some crisis or another. See this isn't the way God planned it though. The worst misconception we as christians can have is that Jesus died on the cross so that we could go to heaven. The truth is, Jesus died on the cross to restore our relationship with God the Father to what it was in the garden of Eden prior to the fist sin. We don't just pray to give God our laundry list of requests (forgiveness, blessing, healing ect) We need to seek God for companionship, friendship and just to spend time with Him. Prayer is 2 way communication but we've taken His part from Him and replaced it with us ranting to God for everything we want and need without allowing Him to say yes, no or maybe just to say hi. Don't get disheartened, but redouble your efforts to seek God when you need nothing at all. Of course God also wants us to bring our wants and needs to Him, but He wishes also to have an active relationship with us. All my best and all the Love of our sweet Lord Jesus is my wish for your family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke June 1, 2005 Author Share MrDuke Member June 1, 2005 Ice, Thanks, man. If you're at FF, I'm gonna bearhug ya! Preacher, You're a good man--God Bless You! Update: Danielle got admitted last night. She's been vomiting and dry heaving for 7 days now. She has ulcers/blisters from her lips through her GI tract and that's not making her happy at all. She's on a round-the-clock morphine schedule to help her with the pain. All we can do is wait. More as I get it. Duke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_Berge_00 June 2, 2005 Share Ice_Berge_00 GC Alumni June 2, 2005 I'm sorry to hear that man. I hope she is doing well tomorrow. Unfortunately I won't be at FF so this'll have to sufice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cranky Bullfrog June 2, 2005 Share Cranky Bullfrog Member June 2, 2005 I'll be praying for Danielle Duke. I'm so sorry to hear she is back in the hospital. I know this is very difficult for you and your family. On the subject of thanking God and just praying, I used to go to an old family doctor in West Virginia who was one of the last of the "Marcus Welby's" (if you are old enough to remember that TV show). Marcus was a loving, caring, concerned and involved doctor who genuinely cared about his patients. In that sense, Dr. Howe was his twin brother. He was a good man who at one time trodged several miles in snow up to his waste to get to my in-laws home and help them with their young 10 year old son who was very much close to death due to fever. He saved the boy and that's just one example of his compassion and love. I think of him often (he's deceased now) because in one of his examining rooms, he had this poem. "God and the doctor, we alike ador, just on the bring of danger, not before The danger past, both alike are requited, God forgot and the doctor slighted" I think of that poem because it reminds me that the people in our lives who make important contributions to our lives are easily forgotten without diligence on our part. It helps me remember to be thankful. I am thankful to Dr. Howe for all the loving care he gave my family (me, wife, kids) during our early years, and I am thankful to God for too much stuff to even list. All that said - I know I have had times when I have acted less than thankful. I've been forgetful and I've been less than diligent in my prayers at times - especially (as you pointed out) when things were going good or easy. We all do that Duke and you're not a bad person if you find you have done it too - you're just human buddy. We are all blessed that God is SO patient and SO forgiving and SO loving. He does things on a scale we can't even comprehend (after all, which of us would have given up our only son to be mocked, abused, and killed in a painful and heinous fashion by people who hated him (not loved) in order to do the right thing for THEIR benefit). I suspect the answer to this is none of us would even think of doing this. That's a real tribute to His love, maturity and magnificence. Truly God is worthy of our love, adoration and praise and His ways are not our ways but we benefit because of his incredibly good nature. So, I say all that to say that He understands if you are sometimes unwatchful in your prayer life but as Preacher said, as Christians, we owe it to ourselves and God to continue to make the effort and that is, after all,....... all that He requires of us. Know that God loves you more than anyone on this Earth is capable of doing Duke. Know that He wants the best for you and your family - whatever that turns out to be (and I'm not suggesting that we always understand His will). God is with you in times of good and times of bad. He knows your needs and He knows your love. I don't think anyone who has read your posts in this thread would think you are anything other than thankful Duke; it shows throughout your posts. Don't feel bad when you forget or feel less diligent about your efforts - He understands - but just renew your efforts at communication. Just talk to your Father in Heaven as often as you possibly can - in good times and bad and let Him know of your love. We are all human and we all fail at times. Just use those moments to remind yourself (as I do with the poem) that we need to remember to talk to Him more and continue to express our thankfulness for His love. As human beings, even in prayer, we really don't know how to properly talk to God because He is on such a higher plane of existence, but we are blessed by His gift of the Holy Spirit who translates our "groanings" into the proper form to speak to Him. "American Standard Version Romans 8:26 Rom 8:26 And in like manner the Spirit also helpeth our infirmity: for we know not how to pray as we ought; but the Spirit himself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered;" God Himself has provided the support we need even in giving us a way to pray to Him. Now that's love. My thoughts are with you Duke. I will be praying as often as I can for your little girl - and for you of course bud. Cranky ;o) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke June 2, 2005 Author Share MrDuke Member June 2, 2005 Cranky, you made me cry. I really needed to hear that...TY! Update: I'm a wreck. Danielle's sores are so bad she won't eat or drink. When she vomits there's blood. She won't take her medicine to help the sores because it hurts her to even open her mouth. She is in bad,bad pain right now. They have her doped up on morphine to try to make her comfortable. When she's not sleeping, she's curled up and whimpering or just stares into space like a zombie. When she speaks, I don't hear my little trooper with a confident voice. I hear a barely audible, timid, whispering child. I see her eyes darting around looking at my face and they're screaming "Help me, daddy". I don't want my baby to suffer anymore. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to hear the crying, the screaming, the whimpering. I'm sick of the nightmares and the sleepless nights. I'm hurtin'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConGregation June 2, 2005 Share ConGregation Member June 2, 2005 <wishes there was a praying smilie> God bless you, Duke. I am so totally helpless to even help. You are experiencing my worst nightmare. I realized one day (maybe sometime I'll share the circumstances) just how helpless I was as a father. My family looks to me when things go bad. Kids don't understand when Dad doesn't 'fix' the problem... ... O man, I am praying for you! I know its been said, but your Heavenly Father cares. Your hurt is His hurt. And unlike you, He actually can help. Sheesh! I'm just going to shutup and start praying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke June 2, 2005 Author Share MrDuke Member June 2, 2005 Update: I just got a call from Kel saying they received a special delivery. Danielle lit up when she got it and picked out a special yellow flower. It seems to be her focus. She's very proud of it and is telling everyone about her special flower. Thank you Shep and Rebecca. You just put a smile on my child's face-- Until now, nothing has been able to do that. I can't tell you how indebted I feel right now. THANK YOU!!!!!! Love you guys! Brian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shep48 June 2, 2005 Share shep48 Member June 2, 2005 (edited) Our prayers are with you. give her a big hug Edited June 2, 2005 by shep48 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whudats June 2, 2005 Share whudats Member June 2, 2005 That's great guys. Dook - I'm still praying for you, your family, and your little one. Won't stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayfarer June 3, 2005 Share wayfarer Member June 3, 2005 Duke....I have no wife or children. I have absolutely no idea what your going through. All I have are my prayers & my tears. I have been praying for Danielle everyday. Have faith buddy! This is the only thing I could come up with Duke, I hope it helps. Matthew 14:30-31 (New International Version) Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Your trial is not over becuase the Lord is not finished fighting the battles at your back! Hold tight buddy!!! P.K. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke June 3, 2005 Author Share MrDuke Member June 3, 2005 Update: Danielle is doing a little better today. She won't laugh out loud but she's being ornery in a playful way. She's interacting more than she did yesterday, that's for sure. They're good signs and I'll take anything I can get. The ulcers are supposed to spread down her throat, through her stomach and into her intestines all of which cause a lot of pain. I think they are moving into her stomach right now but I'm not sure. We might get lucky and get to go home by the weekend. They'd give us morphine for us to give to her as she needs it. We'll see how it plays out. Hopefully she won't have to hurt too much longer. Thanks to all! I'm on vacation this week so if we don't go to Sesame Place for vacation you'll see me playing (and banning) a bit more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke June 3, 2005 Author Share MrDuke Member June 3, 2005 I just got done re-reading this thread and all I can say is wow, What a roller-coaster. This place is awesome. My first thought is Auggy. I seem to be where he was months ago with a little one who won't eat or drink. Whatcha up to Aug!!!! Thanks wayfarer. I read your post about 10 times and it gave me comfort. Thank you. That's it. More after I visit her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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