I need your Prayers

[MrDuke]

I don't even know where to begin with this...

I don't have a lot of time to spend on this forum and the last time I did I was chatting with Cong and Aug about being a Christian.

On Friday, October 29th (?) my beautiful 2 year old daughter was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

Fast forwarding past the tears and fears, she's had transfusions, surgeries and chemotherapy. It's been the worst week of my life and I say that without hesitation.

It's humiliating, embarassing and downright hurtful to admit that it takes a crisis like this to make your faith a high priority.

 

To Cong and Aug, I came to the realization that God is more concerned with who I am than what I do. The "what I do" comes afterwards...thanks for helping me with that.

 

I know most of you don't know me, as I don't jump on as much (besides, I HATE scoutknives!!)but I ask for your prayers for my little one.

Please don't pray for a "divine" intervention because I don't think that's what praying is about. I believe this is all part of His plan...I just don't know the script yet. What I ask for is strength to get through this difficult time, serenity for my wife and kids, knowledge for the doctors and thankfulness for the support staff (too many people to list).

 

If you have kids and you just read this message, go give them a hug and a kiss and express your love to them. Appreciate what you have.

I think back and, if I could, I would change the past to take a little longer to read a second book to my daughter before bedtime than to "cut it short" to get a little more CS time. I'm ashamed to admit that, and I ask for forgiveness from my savior in front of the witnesses who read this.

 

When I found out I could lose my little one, I cried to the point of vomiting. When I settled down I came to the conclusion that I couldn't handle losing her...and in a moment of serenity, I then realized that God gave up his son for us. Same type of situation, and He did it. He let his Son suffer and, temporarily, die for us.

 

I'll summarize that-- I couldn't handle the pain of giving up my child, but God did.

THAT, my friends, is something to choke on. It is a gift of such monumental proportions that I can't describe it. THAT is love. Accept the gift and prioritize it in your life.

Cong and Aug, I've never met you guys before and I've chatted with you two or three times...and I love ya both.

Your brother in Christ,

Brian (MrDuke)

[chuckleslove]

I am terribly sorry to hear this, I know I have played with you in game at least a couple times but not in a long time. My prayers are with you and your family and though it may look bleak and you can only pray that God's will be done I don't think there is anything wrong with being optimistic and hoping for the best at the same time. As you said ultimately God's plan will take place and I hope that no matter what happens you have the strength to carry on. I hope for the best for you and your family and in the event of the worst I only hope you have the strength to carry on. God's blessings to you and yours.

 

Chuck aka chuckleslove

[CowboyFromHell`X]

I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope the best for you and your family and will keep you in my prayers. Keep your faith in God.

[Playaa]

you're definatly in my prayers Duke. And asking for understanding in a situation like this is the best thing one can do. God Bless man

[dwEEziL]

Wow man, I will definitely be lifting your daughter and your whole family up in prayers. Sometimes it's hard to understand or accept but God is in control and things will work out for good for those who call Him Lord.

 

Keep your faith strong brother (as I will be praying for your renewed spiritual strength as well) and remember that God is bigger than anything and can beat this for you and your daughter.

[ConGregation]

Wow. Please know that I am praying for your daughter, you, your wife and the rest of your family.

 

Many times I have used that illustration about how I couldn't give up my son to save someone else. But I have never faced even a tiny bit of that reality. I don't know how any father could handle that, but I know God's grace is sufficient.

 

Last Sunday night a pastor friend of our church's preached. This man has suffered much through his life. Just recently his daughters are breaking his heart. He preached out of Psalms where it says "Be still and know that I am God". He just poured his heart out. I really wish I could get you the tape. But you are in a situation where its out of your hands. I encourage you to try your best to just be still and know that God is God. We may not understand what is going on but we can know that God is God and because of that we can be still.

 

I WILL take your advice! It is funny but I realized something when my Daughter was born. I was holding her and like all new fathers I felt this intense love for her. I would hold her to myself and feel her heart beat against mine. And I would whisper 'I love you'. I and wanted so desperately to hear her say those words back to me. Of course a two day old baby can't. I then kept thinking about the day when she finally could. But then it hit me, this love I felt for her dwarfed any kind of love I ever felt for my father. Now I love my father but it paled in comparison to this. And I realized that my daughter would never love me as much as I loved her... Then I got to thinking about my Heavenly Father and how His love is beyond human comprehension. I cannot love Him as much as he loves me.

 

As your heart aches with love for your little girl. Let God embrace you and feel your heart beat against His. Let him love you and minister to you. And realize that your suffering and your daughters suffering affects Him just as much as your daughter's suffering affects you.

 

I love you, man! All I can do is pray! If there is anything else I can do please let me know! But know that I am praying for everyone!

 

Greg

[auggybendoggy]

Mr. Duke,

I am humbled and in pain as I too have had my little one in the hospital.

I'm so so sorry about your daughter.

 

My daughter was born with a cleft pallete (non facial) which means she has no top to her mouth on the inside its connected to the nasal passages.

 

Her surgery was on wed at 5:00 (first at bat for the day) at L.A. Childrens Hospital and I can't express the tears I've shed the last 3 days. I thought my daughter was not going to make it. She came out and blood was sooooo thick in her mouth she could not swollow from the coagulation. Her little heart raced at 220 bpm and her temp ran high. Her tounge was stiched with a string attached so if she chokes on her tounge we (mom and dad) can pull the string to clear the air. They said there would be a little blood. They taped the string to her cheeck and then in the post op room she swelled up and the string was tight and pulling on her tounge and all she could do is cry. Then came the morphine. She went into lala land and was in and out screaming in pain and terror.

 

Wed and thur I felt like she was not going to pull out of it especially since she was such a poor eater before the surgery. Indeed her eating is at ZERO even now.

This morning (fri) she finally had a descent morning and I'm confident she will pull through.

 

I can share the fear to a degree of losing someone so loved and dear and so innocent. I truly thought she was going to go into cardiac cause her heart all day was from 170-200 yesterday and they told us it was something to worry about.

But when she gets the morph it drops and she relaxes. Today shes about 150 and so shes doing well. Praise the Lord.

 

As for you Duke,

I'm so sorry. Your daugthers condition is much more sirous than my own and for the last 2 days all I could think about was the poor people who live my fear.

I can't say enough for your pain and your road ahead that you must travel.

I am here with you in spirit and if you need anything at all feel free to contact me.

I'll pm my info to get in touch.

 

Also MY WIFE AND I WILL CERTAINLY PRAY FOR YOUR LITTLE ONE.

 

we'll talk soon,

 

Your friend,

 

Auggybendoggy (gene)

[MrDuke]

To all,

You have no idea the peace I feel when I read all of your responses. Thank you.

 

You can go to caringbridge.com and look for the last name of Deryck in Ohio.

She got another round of chemo and it knocked her down pretty good. Not many side effects, just exhaustion. I'll take that as a successful day and I thank God for that.

Aug, I got your PM, but I think I might have lost it since I "backpaged" and I'm not familiar with PMing...not to mention being on a hospital computer.

I'll humbly let you know if I need it again.

You have my support and prayers for your child and family in anyway you need it. If you need a shoulder to lean on, ask MadBean for my number(s) as I don't want to post them here...and I don't know how to PM.

 

May God bless you all,

 

MrDuke

 

BTW, can you get rid of scoutknives??!! I HATE that map!!!!!!@!

[Silver-Bullet]

Your family will be in my prayers. I will pray for everyone that is helping you during this rough time to do this best, along with as much strength to be given to you

[ConGregation]

Wow, auggy! I will be praying for you and you daughter as well.

 

Many times God sends us through something so that we can help someone else. There is verse to that effect but I can't remember it. But maybe you both can kind of hold each other up through these things. I'm sure just sharing your stories with someone going through something similar can really help.

 

May God continue to strengthen you both.

[Brillow_Head]

Mr Duke,

You've taken the biggest steps immagineable in my eyes, you have given your grief to God and shared your thoughts with others. I lost my mother several years ago to cancer and where you have openly brought your grief to others I kept it inside. The example you are setting is humbling...may you continue to be strong durring this time of weakness and know that your family in Christ we be there to support you.

 

You, your daughter, your family and all those involved are in my prayers

[soul .gc]

You will also be in our prayer MrDuke.

 

I have friends with a daughter that has the same illness. She has had it for 3 years now and is only 6 years old. She does the Chemo and all the treatments and has gone into remission once but is slowly relapsing over the past few months. She just finished another round of Chemo recently and is very sick but the Doctors say it is looking better for her now and think she will be going into remission again and they hope they have it beat.

 

I have been with them and talked to them several times and they love their daughter very much. They told me that God has either put her into their lives to help teach them about life and to be thankful for the time they have. The father told me that he has accepted she may pass away and understands it is God's will and so he cherishes each minute he has with her now.

 

I hope the treatments work and I will be praying for God to help you through this time and be with you, your family and your daughter as she has these treatments.

 

Good luck and please let us know if you need anything. There are many of us in Ohio and close to Ohio that would be willing to help.

[Fatty]

Mr. Duke, if there's anything we can do...anything at all. Please call me and let me help you guys in some way. Perhaps we could take you guys to dinner for a moment to the side? Please take us up on this. We'll buy, and you and Kelli can talk, and we'll listen.

[MrDuke]

Fatty,

You're on! We feel better the more we talk...besides, I haven't been out in a while. Let me check with the Boss and see what's open. I'll give you some dates to see what fits your schedule.

 

Thanks,

 

Brian

[wilco]

Im late in seeing this but your family will be in my prayers.

[gOOters]

Brian,

 

Despite what you are going through, YOU ministered to ME. Thank you. I will be praying for peace and understanding and patience for your whole family. God Bless you and your daughter.

 

Cong (us old guys call him Rev) is a rock and has helped many of us when we needed it. I hope his pad in heaven is larger than the average Or, should I say I hope he has some extra treasure to cast at God's feet.

[MrDuke]

Gooter,

I honestly don't feel like I've ministered ( I don't even think I know how). I just decided to put my trust in God, put my feelings on the table, and show no more hesitation or embarrassment about my faith. I'm sincerely glad that others can get something positive out of all of this mess. I know I'm getting something out of it. First and foremost, my faith went from lukewarm to hardcore. After that, I don't know what the rest of this holds. Maybe it was meant to make my marriage stronger, maybe it convinced a wishy-washy resident to make the decision to go into pediatric oncology, maybe it brings another person closer to Christ...I don't know. All I know is that I'm being tested and I have faith that we will beat this.

I come here 2 or 3 times a day just to see more words of support and I'm never disappointed...even if no one's posted since my last visit.

You guys are the greatest.

If you want any of the details as to what's going on, my wife set up a website at www.caringbridge.com. Enter Ohio and "Deryck" to get the info.

God Bless,

Brian (MrDuke)

Has Fatty decided to get rid out Scoutknives yet??!!! I HATE that map!!

[Fatty]

Dude, we don't even host a 1.6 server around here anymore!

 

LOL...."Gooter"

 

I love this part of our community. And you, living what we're told to do...in all things....ALL THINGS...praise God. I don't even have anything worthy to say, other than pick Outback or Tequila Panchos and give me a date.

[gOOters]

Brian, you can call me gOot. And I have no clue what a "Gooter" is!?

 

Anyhow, you weren't ministering, God did it through you. Just keep your chin up and keep your attitude healthy.

 

And look out for Fat + Tequila!

[soul .gc]

It's "Cooters" brother from Dukes of Hazzard.

[MrDuke]

LOL!! I've seen gOot and Cooter and somehow I ended up with Gooter. Besides--"Gooter" sounds better.

I've called MadBean "Squirty" quite a few times so at least Gooter isn't as bad as that.

No more 1.6?? No more Scoutknives??!! YES!!! I guess it's been that long since I tried to jump on. I was too cheap to pay the cost of the upgrade...I'll pick it up soon so I can chat with you guys.

 

Fatty + Tequila = ugly , huh?? Well, I haven't done tequila since college and I think I'm still in therapy over it. All I remember is barrel-fulls of lemons, blocks of salt, gallons of Tequila (cheap) and naked slip and slide (70% guys, 30% girls)...not good memories.

 

 

Well, I got another dose of bad news. The lymphoblasts weren't killed in quantities they wanted to see--they may be more resistant than we suspected. I don't know what happens from here.

 

I'll keep you posted.

God Bless,

Brian

Edited November 11, 2004 by mrduke

[MrDuke]

Well, I just showed my wife the gOOt, Cooter, Gooter debacle and all she could do is laugh uncontrollably and kept shouting "THAT'S FUNNY!!!"

That's the hardest we've laughed since this thing began.

So...in my eyes, you are now forever more, "Gooter". As to what a Gooter is...well... I'm thinkin' something along the lines of a Dr. Seuss beast of some sort...Maybe a new type of rash, as in "I have a gooter on my arm". Maybe it's some sort of bodily function, as in "I just gootered...hee,hee".

Just having some fun here with my wife showing her the postings.

Thanks for making us laugh.

Brian and Keli.

 

Fatty, right now we're afraid to leave Danielle so I don't think we can do anything until next week, at least. But I DO want to see you guys...I think it will be helpful.

 

God Bless you all,

Brian

[Fatty]

Whenever.

 

What about take-out! We can bring food in!

 

You make the call, it's only when you want.

[gOOters]

I once had a picture of the ever elusive gOOter. However, the nature of the gOOter was such that the digital image disintegrated after a short while.

 

mrduke...you, and only you, have permission to call me gOOter. And if I ever see you in the server, rest assured that I will knife you many times over for it.

 

Maybe some day I will tell you about the origin of that regal name, gOOters.

[Silver-Bullet]

I know how it came about. But I'll never tell.

 

 

Just hang in there man, keep your faith high, and God will pull you through it.